BEVERLY HILLBILLIES XXX

Beverly Hillbillies XXX starring Kaylee Hilton, Taylor Vixen, James Bartholet, Kagney Linn Karter, Aubrey Addams, Lucy Blaze, Courtney Page, Annie Cruz, Otto Bauer, Eric John, Dana DeArmond, Ryan Driller, Haley Hewes, Gary Lee, Giovanni Francesco, Tucker Slain and directed/written by Will Ryder/Jeff Mullen

The Plot: With Ellie Mae as his assistant, Jethro decides to become a casting director for the movies and he gets his own casting couch. Once Granny catches on to what's been going on, she heads back to the hills with the rest of the family following close behind her. There's also a subplot about Ellie Mae being used by a rich playboy to enable him to get at Jed's money.

: It's been a while since I've watched one of Will Ryder's parodies. I've always considered him the top man when it comes to porn parodies. That being said, Beverly Hillbillies XXX had some great casting (especially Hayley Hewes as Granny), good writing (although the subplot was never really resolved), but really weak sets and some of the worst sex scenes I've seen in quite some time. Not to mention James Bartholet, a great non-sex porn actor, having a sex scene (something which definitely made me hit the FF button).

If I hadn't known beforehand that Beverly Hillbillies XXX was made by Ryder, I would have just thought it was just made by someone who showed a lot of promise and might make a good feature/parody in the future. The fact that it was Ryder and he put out a movie with such a slapdash look and boring sex scenes makes me grade this one C-.

OFFICIAL FRIDAY The 13th PARODY

Official Friday The 13th Parody starring Asa Akira, Brooke Lee Adams, Brooklyn Lee, Courtney Cummz, Kagney Linn Karter, Sara Sloane, Carlo Carrera, Kris Slater, Mark Wood, Mr Pete, Rocco Reed, with a non sex appearance by Tabitha Stevens (Mrs Orona) and directed by Gary Orona


The Plot: Kris Slater inherits Crystal Lake Nudist Camp from his grandmother. The new staff arrives on Friday The 13th to prepare for the re-opening.

: I enjoyed Official Friday The 13th Parody the first time I watched it, but after watching it a second time and skipping the sex scenes I realized it was a much better piece of movie making than I had realized on my initial viewing. Gary Orona had previously directed late night cable fare like The Erotic Traveler and Hotel Erotica and mainstream movies like The Bikini Carwash Company II plus a slew of music videos. Official Friday The 13th Parody was one of his first forays into the world of XXX features and it proves a point I often try to make, the director of a XXX feature is the most important element in porn features. Orona, armed with years of experience with his mainstream/soft core fare, shows a deft hand with camera shots and a knowledge of how to create suspense with music, not to mention knowing how to make a coherent plot that works from start to finish.


I only had only a few minor quibbles with Official Friday The 13th Parody: One was an inconsistency in the storyline. We're told the killer has flesh eating jism, but in one scene an arrow through the neck is used as the death device, similar to what you would have seen in the original theatrical movie. Are we to assume there are two killers? or was this just a gaffe in the storyline? Also, I found some the female co-stars in the film to be lacking in their acting ability with their talents lying more in their sexual performances. One final note about something I found sort of odd with the movie was a sequence setting up a sex scene. The trio in this scene were going to play strip Monopoly, however, the two women in the scene had been topless from the start of the movie.


I'm not going to harp on about the sex scenes being too long, but it was evident after my second viewing that they had been long enough to hurt the flow of the film. On the plus side, the sex scenes were all done in a fashion which kept them interesting and, for the most part, generated some heat on screen. Too bad they couldn't have been a little shorter and more integrated into the plot. If they had, this would have been a really great XXX feature. As it stands, I'm grading it a B+, still a decent grade and well worth watching.

OFFICIAL PSYCHO PARODY

Official Psycho Parody starring Sara Sloane, Ryan McLane,Breanne Benson, Dane Cross, Eric Masterson, Francesca Le, Kagney Linn Karter, Katie Jordan, Lee Stone, Mark Wood, Michael Vegas, Tabitha Stevens and directed by Gary Orona

The Plot: In case there is anyone who hasn't seen the original Psycho (Is that possible?), here's a short plot summary - Woman wants to marry her boyfriend, but he wants to wait until they have some money set aside, since he is financially strapped. She steals cash from her employer and leaves town. She stops at a run down motel run by Norman Bates, who just happens to be a Psycho.

: First things first, even though this movie is titled Official Psycho Parody (I guess to distinguish it from any Unofficial one) this is not really a parody. Official Psycho Parody is what the big mainstream movie studios would call a re-imagining of an original movie. In this case, it just happens to be re-imagined as a porn movie.

Official Psycho Parody takes the basic premise as discussed in the plot summary above, then creatively comes up with its own interpretation of the main character, Norman Bates. The movie opens with titles and music very similar to the original Psycho. This sequence is in black and white, but as the movie begins it turns to color. [There is a black and white version on the extras disc OR you can just turn your color off, if you want to see Official Psycho Parody in black and white ala the original movie. Personally, the color didn't bother me.] Since Sara Sloane (a good casting choice for the Janet Leigh part) and her boyfriend are already in a hotel room at the start, I expected a sex scene but, to my surprise, the movie kept going and skipped that first sex scene many features insist on including, which can bog a plot down from the get-go.

After Sara goes back to the office, we get the plot set-up with her receiving money from one of her boss's clients, which she is supposed to take to the bank. Instead she steals the money, leaving town to meet her boyfriend and start a new life. Along the way she gets off the main road and stops at The Bates Motel, where she meets the proprietor Norman Bates (Ryan McLane, another good casting choice since McLane is able to to bring a certain twitchy creepiness to his role, reminding me of Anthony Perkins in Psycho). At this point the plot of Official Psycho Parody starts to deviate, for the most part, from the original Psycho with only the necessary inclusion of the shower scene.

I'm not going to spoil any more of the movie by going into further detail about the plot of Official Psycho Parody. I will just say it was wonderful to see someone put some thought and creativity into what could have been another run-of-the-mill endeavor. Although the plot makes logical sense and progresses from start to finish, the weakness of Official Psycho Parody comes when a couple of the sex scenes are inserted into the movie. Of the five sex scenes, two are logical, one borders on being logical and two are so illogical they almost seem as though the director is saying "wink wink nudge nudge" we're in a porn movie and now it's time for sex.

Even though it's played straight, the storyline/dialogue has a fair amount of humor with a few laugh out loud moments. A special mention should be made of Tabitha Stevens, who appears in a non-sex role in a couple of flashback sequences as Norman Bates' mother. She gives a superb over-the-top melodramatic performance.

The director, Gary Orona, understood using a minimalistic approach with music to create dramatic tension throughout Official Psycho Parody (Hmm, I wonder who he learned that from...oh yeah, that Hitchcock fellow) and how to use the right type of music. Considering all of the above, plus the great sets and the period costuming of the characters, Orona and his wife Stevens did a terrific job with Official Psycho Parody. If the sex scenes had been more fully integrated into the story line, I could have rated the movie a little bit higher; however, it still gets an A- from me.

NOT MARRIED WITH CHILDREN XXX #2

All the main players are back with Eric Swiss excellent as Al Bundy and Brittany O'Connell great in the role of Peg Bundy. To me, I still feel like Kagney Linn Carter and Dane Cross are not cast correctly as Kelly and Bud. I just never get the feeling I'm seeing Kelly and Bud like I do with Eric and Brittany's portrayals of Al and Peg. Much better in their characters are India Summer (who once again gets the bad porno parody wig) and Dino Bravo as next door neighbors Marcie and Steve.

The plot in Not Married With Children XXX 2 (NMC2) finds the Bundy family barely making ends meet. Luckily, Bud knows a girl that will get him the winning lotto numbers for $1,000. Al takes a chance and ponies up the money. Surprisingly the numbers are good and The Bundys win a million dollars. Al keeps his job at the shoe store, but he can now dole out money to the family freely....at least for a while....OH,COME ON NOW....You didn't actually think there wasn't going to be a hitch to his winnings did you?

This is a very well constructed movie, as I have come to expect from Will Ryder. The plot was just like one you would have seen on the TV show. The sets and the acting were both good and I laughed many times while watching NMC2. The sex scenes were in my opinion too long, but they were integrated into the plot and flowed with the story. My problem with NMC2 is that I got the feeling "been there, seen that". I'm rating it a B but I'm sure it would have rated higher, IF I hadn't already seen the first Not Married With Children XXX.

Not Married With Children XXX #2, starring Kagney Linn Karter, India Summer, Faye Reagan, Brittany O'Connell, Eric Swiss, Jessica Bangkok, Madelyn Marie, James Bartholet, Dino Bravo, Farrah Foxx, Barrett Blade, Scott Lyons, directed by Will Ryder and written by Will Ryder under the pen name Jeff Mullen

THIS AIN'T STAR TREK XXX #2 The Butterfly Effect

I've seen one terrible Axel Braun movie - Letterman's Nailin' Palin and one very good Axel Braun movie - This Ain't Star Trek XXX. Considering that sequels are hardly ever as good as the original, I knew that watching This Ain't Star Trek XXX - 2 (ST2) would be taking a chance on seeing another bad porn parody. Surprisingly, while it didn't live up to the first Star Trek parody, it wasn't totally bad......but it also wasn't totally good.

Bones, Spock, and Captain Kirk beam down to the planet Butterfly 8 to investigate a missing mining vessel. The trio are captured with Captain Kirk (Evan Stone) being separated from Bones (Cheyne Collins) and Spock (Tony DeSergio). Two creatures come to interrogate Bones and Spock, Bones tells them that he's just a doctor and that Spock has all the info they might need. The two creatures take off their heads and we see they're actually two babes (Kagney Linn Karter and Madison Scott), who continue to take off stuff until their butterfly wings (cheap ass looking cardboard) are revealed. Looks like Bones has messed up, since now he has to sit in the corner while Spock has sex with the two maidens. From what I could understand, having sex is the way they drain the information from their opponents. Why Spock was susceptible to their charms, I can only guess it was "The Butterfly Effect", otherwise, this is quite illogical.


Back on the Enterprise, Sulu (Keni Styles) and Checkov (Joey Brass) are concerned that they can't contact the landing party. They also can't get a hold of the senior officer on board, Scotty (Anthony Roasano). The reason, they can't get Scotty is he's busy having sex with Uhura (Jada Fire). Conveniently, they find Scotty and Uhura just as they finish their sex scene! Scotty asks them to keep this quiet and he'll beam them down to find the landing party. Scotty is still distracted thinking about Uhura and accidentally beams Sulu and Checkov to 1963, where they find President Kennedy (Johnny Castle) having sex with Marilyn Monroe (Alexis Texas), the night before he is supposed to leave for Dallas.

Ok, this scene really didn't have anything to do with the rest of the movie, but if you remember the original Star Trek, they sometimes interacted with past historical characters. Anyway, Sulu and Chekov hide and watch Kennedy and Marilyn have sex. This actually turned out to be the best sex scene in the movie. Johnny Castle made a terrible Kennedy and his accent wasn't even close, BUT, Alexis made a great Marilyn in the white dress from "The Seven Year Itch", which she keeps on during the whole scene. Alexis also maintains her character talking to the President in her Marilyn voice throughout the whole scene, occasionally calling him Mr. President. Alexis really made this scene stand out and definitely brought some heat to the movie.


After the sex scene, Sulu and Chekov warn the President not to go to Dallas the next day because he will be assassinated. In a "You Can't Change History", we learn later, that even though Kennedy didn't go to Dallas, he was still killed the next day by Jackie, when she caught him with Marilyn.

Sulu and Chekov finally get beamed to the correct place and are immediately captured by Jennifer Dark, resulting once again in a sex scene. How will the crew get out of their predicament? I'll let you watch the movie and find out, but I will tell you, in case you haven't noticed, Captain Kirk has been missing since he was captured at the first of the movie. When ST2 finally gets back to him, we find him in the bedroom of The Queen of Butterfly 8 (Kimberly Kane)


It seemed to me that the plot of ST2 was awfully thin and was just sandwiched between very l-o-n-g sex scenes that didn't flow very good with the story. In other words, the story existed to get to the sex scenes, rather than the sex scenes existed because of the story. Besides Johnny Castle's terrible Kennedy accent, several other actor/performers also wavered with their accents throughout ST2. As far as characterization, only Evan Stone as Kirk, Anthony Roasano as Scotty and Alexis Texas as Marilyn seemed to understand their roles and made the effort to have constant accents. Taking into account all of the above, I rate this one a C+

This Ain't Star Trek 2: The Butterfly Effect starring Alexis Texas, Jada Fire, Anthony Rosano, Kimberly Kane, Kagney Linn Karter, Tony de Sergio, Johnny Castle, Jennifer Dark, Madison Scott, Joey Brass, Keni Styles and directed by Axel Braun

WRITER'S BULLPEN

The first scene of the movie we see is one that is supposed to have been written by Tommy Gunn and Chris Cannon. It's a milkman (Mr. Pete) delivering milk to Alexis Texas, and as usual in a XXX movie, the milkman delivers a lot more than milk. The owner of the movie company is fed up with such bad scripts Tommy and Chris have been turning in, like the milkman scene; so he brings in his top contract star, Kaylani Lei, who is going to show them how to write a decent XXX script. The trio then plows through different ideas for stories. These story ideas are visualized and set up as the subsequent sex scenes in the movie.

Kaylani first writes a caveman scene starring herself with Rocco Reed. This is followed by Kagney Lynn Karter in an outer space scene with Kagney bringing two cavemen ( Anthony Rosano & John West) aboard her spaceship. Events continue to get mixed together as two cowboys (Tommy and Chris) meet up with cavewoman Kaylani, which is followed by a final scene in a lab with a scientist (Chris Johnson) with Alektra Blue and Kaylani Lei.

While some of those scenes sound like they might be fun to watch, the humor is always the forced over the top "look how funny we can be" type. The use of really cheap sets for each of the scenes is used to further illustrate how clever they are and that they know they're writing schlock. The trouble is, nothing struck me as really funny and the cheap sets just looked.....well, Cheap! Jonathan Morgan comedy XXX movies are usually great productions with lots of laughs and good acting; but in the case of Writer's Bullpen, he just made a movie as bad as the ones he's lampooning. I've seen worse comedy porno movies, but not many, I'm rating this one a D and I probably would have rated it even lower, but since it was short (89 minutes) I moved it up a grade.

Writer's Bullpen starring Alektra Blue, Alexis Texas, Kaylani Lei, Kagney Linn Karter, Anthony Rosano, Rocco Reed, Chris Johnson, Tommy Gunn, Chris Cannon, Mr Pete, John West and directed by Jonathan Morgan

NOT MARRIED WITH CHILDREN XXX

This XXX movie is pretty much like any episode of TV's Married with Children. The main plot revolves around Al and his job at the shoe store. There's a new salesman at the store making Al look bad. If Al doesn't pick up the pace, he's going to lose his job. I know that sounds sort of skimpy, but Not Married With Children XXX, just like the TV show, is more character driven than story driven.

The real stand out in the movie is Eric Swiss playing Al. While, he doesn't look that much like Al (Ed O'Neill), he's got the character's mannerisms and speech patterns down pat. In my opinion he carries the whole movie. Casting Brittany O'Connell as Peg was a good choice. While a lot of the character of Peg lies in the big red wig and her clothes, the role also calls for someone that can deliver the "Peg lines" with the right attitude and Brittaney did an excellent job in her role.

The two actors playing Kelly (Kagney Linn Karter) and Bud (Dane Cross) didn't do anything to distinguish themselves. I never got the feeling that I was seeing Kelly or Bud, just two fairly decent porno actors. India Summer plays Marcie and also does a good job, but she obliviously got awarded the bad wig (every time I see a parody, one character always has a bad wig). This wig ranks right up there with the bad wig that Tommy Gunn had in Not Three's Company.


Not Married With Children XXX was well written, well directed, and the set inside the Bundy's house was spot on. The audience noises and laughs were all in the right places and you could almost believe that you were watching the regular TV version of Married With Children. The only real difference in the TV show and this parody version is instead of implied sex, there is actual sex. There was only one bad scene in the movie and it was a sex scene involving a BJ that was so badly executed, I just wound up laughing. However, that one scene wasn't enough to discourage me from enjoying this movie and giving it an A-

Not Married With Children XXX starring Kagney Linn Karter, India Summers, Dane Cross, Payton Leigh, Brittany O'Connell, Madison Scott, Brooke Belle, Eric Swiss, Kimber James, Allyssa Hall, Emy Reyes, Kora Cummings and directed by Will Ryder

WKRP IN CINCINNATI: A XXX PARODY

The plot of WKRP: A XXX Parody is that the station finally came up with a good contest - giving away front row seats to a Supertramp concert. This big promotion will finally allow the station to make a profit. But as luck would have it, the tickets go missing and the station could be in big trouble.

My first clue that this wasn't going to be one the better sitcums is at the very first scene of the movie: Andy is getting ready to go to work and after a very short dialogue sequence with his girlfriend, the movie goes into its first 25 minute sex scene. This scene wasn't only unnecessary, since it had nothing to do with the movie, but appears to have been shot just to bore me from the outset. I must now give thanks to the FF button!

After the sex scene, Andy arrives at work and we get introduced to most of the WKRP regulars. There's some funny dialogue and it looks like maybe the movie will pick up some steam, but instead we get one of the worst actors in the movie, Tee Reel. Either Tee Reel has never seen WKRP and doesn't have any idea who Venus Flytrap is, or he just doesn't have any acting ability. Hard to decide what the case might be, but he is certainly b-a-d and not in a good way. Oh yeah, another 25 minute sex scene follows.

Next up we have some more humorous dialogue and Herb gets Jennifer to agree to go to lunch with him, somehow, this turns into having sex on Jennifer's desk. WTF, from agreeing to lunch to having sex. Either I missed something here, or this was just a sex scene jammed in with no rhyme nor reason. And yes, another 25 minute sex scene.

Finally, we get to an actor that "gets" his part, Evan Stone as Johnny Fever. I know some people don't like Evan, but he has impressed me time and again with his ability to actually act and understand the character he is playing. And at least the sex scene with Evan and the two ladies in the runoff for the Supertramp tickets generates some heat on screen. The scene is also 25 minutes, but I only had to use the FF button sparingly.

The final sex scene is Les and Bailey and the scene makes no logical sense. It appears that the writers couldn't really figure out why Bailey and Les would have sex, they just do, just like in the earlier scene in which Jennifer has sex with Herb. Neither of these scenes make any logical sense with the original characters' personalities. Hey writer(s)! I know this is just a goofy sitcum, but logical use of the characters would have been nice.

This is an 147 minute movie with 125 minutes of sex scenes, leaving 22 minutes of actual movie. I should point out that 22 minutes is approximately the time an original WKRP would have run on TV, taking out time for commercials. And those 22 minutes do contain a pretty good WKRP episode with the double entendres just a little bit more X rated than on the original show. I understand that the bonus disc (which I didn't have with my rental) contains a one hour "party version". If I had know that, I would have just rented the bonus disc. Oh well, live and learn!

WKRP In Cincinnati: A XXX Parody has some pretty funny lines and does have some entertainment value, but the sex scenes were just too long in between the dialogue parts of the movie to hold my interest (with the FF button, I finished the movie in about an hour). The actors were all adequate and for the most part appear that they were cast because they looked somewhat like the original actor, other than for their actual acting ability. With the exceptions being those that I have already pointed out above: Tee Reel as the worst actor and Evan Stone as the best actor of the bunch.

I guess if someone stumbled on this blog, they would be puzzled by the fact that I'm not happy with a porn movie with too much sex and too little story. But I see no reason why there can't be more balance in these new sitcums or for that matter in any modern porn feature. Some of the Golden Age Porn movies could achieve this balance, including sex scenes that would make logical sense in the movies and flow with the plot. I'm pretty sure today's writers/directors are just as smart as the 70s/80s writers/directors....but then again...I could be wrong.

I grade this one a C-

WKRP In Cincinnati: A XXX Parody starring Kagney Linn Karter, Faye Reagan, Ashlynn Brooke, Janet Mason, Ralph Long, Tee Reel, Andy San Dimas, Jackie Daniels, Holly Heart, Ryan McLane, Evan Stone, Scott Lyons, Rod Fontana and directed by Lee Roy Meyers.