SEINFELD: A XXX PARODY

A lot of this parody was going to rest on the lead actor playing Jerry Seinfeld (called Gerry in this parody). James Deen did a really good job of copying Seinfeld's mannerisms and speech patterns. He even had a couple of segments where, just like on the TV show, we see him doing stand-up. The first routine is about the word "pornography" and this opens the movie, just like a short stand up segment would kick off the TV show.


The plot of Seinfeld: A XXX Parody (SX) revolves around The Porn Nazi instead of the The Soup Nazi. Evan Stone is almost unrecognizable in his wig and mustache as The Porn Nazi, and as usual he does great job with his characterization. It seems that The Porn Nazi always has the newest and best porn, but you must stand in line, tell him what type of porn you want and he will give you what he wants you to have. If you don't follow all of these rules....then...NO PORN FOR YOU! Of course Elaina doesn't follow these rules and she gets no porn. Gerry followed the rules and Elaina goes home with Gerry to watch his movie....cue sex scene. Elaina is played by the Latina porn star Kristina Rose and she looks somewhat like Elaine and in her non-sex parts in the movie does a good job with her characterization. However, during her sex scene, she doesn't come even close to staying in character plus she's very submissive and I always thought Elaine would be as forceful in bed as she was out of bed.


Elaina has become obsessed with the idea that she must get some porn from The Porn Nazi, but once again she gets turned down. The only way to get her hands on one of his tapes is go through his assistant, who promises she will reveal The Porn Nazi's distributor to Elaina...cue g/g sex scene.


Meanwhile Eric John who makes a very bad Crammer (not only in looks, but his acting is also very bad) is bored with his porn collection, but he doesn't want to give into The Porn Nazi. Crammer decides he will make his own movie and this leads to a scene with him wandering onto the set of a XXX movie in progress. They think he's the talent sent for the two girls who have already started the scene, of course, this works out fine for Crammer.


Crammer still wants to shoot his own movie and decides he can help spice up Gorge's (Steve Pomerants) love life at the same time by filming Gorge's fiance having sex. Gorge is excited about the prospect; however, his excitement soon ends when he finds out that Crammer's idea is to make the movie using a real porn star instead of Gorge. Of course, this really upsets Gorge, but nothing compared to later when he finds out that Norman has left Crammer's tape at The Porn Nazi's shop.

Meanwhile, in a nod to the episode where Jerry couldn't remember the name of the girl he was dating, we have Gerry's new girlfriend Ragina (in this XXX version we have Ragina/Vagina, in the TV version We had Dolores/Clitoris). Anyway, Ragina gets on Gerry's nerves because she is too orgasmic about everything and they have an argument and she leaves him. Ragina goes to straight to the The Porn Nazi's shop, but instead of renting porn from him, she winds up having sex with him.

The end of SX has Gerry doing a closing monologue just like the TV show, this one about big fake breasts. We get another nod to a Seinfeld episode when Cassandra Calogera demonstrates that her breasts are real and spectacular. This turns into a sex scene right there on stage in the club. This was a really bad way to close out the movie. As they would say on that SNL skit.. REALLY... REALLY... All the other sex scenes can fit into the plot, but you have to spoil the good work who've done on the plot by having the viewer assume that Gerry would have sex while the audience watched ....REALLY!!!

The set decoration of Gerry's apartment is top notch and looks pretty much like it did in the early episodes of Seinfeld. The laugh track on SX was really irritating, I don't know if it was too loud, the laughs weren't place properly or what, but it just got on my nerves. The sex scenes had too many close up shots to the point where it caused the LONG scenes to become even more boring....Come On! Lee Roy, at least let us see who's involved in the action! Once again, Lee Roy Meyers has only made a pretty good movie. It seems he's capable of getting some elements as good as you're going to see in these parodies. Unfortunately, there's always too many flaws in his movies for them to rate anything higher than above average and SX holds true, since I'm rating this one a B-

Seinfeld: A XXX Parody starring Sasha Grey, Kristina Rose, Ashlynn Brooke, Sadie West, Tony Desergio, Cassandra Calogera, London Keyes, Natalie Norton, Eric John, James Deen, Evan Stone and directed by Lee Roy Meyers

THIS AIN'T STAR TREK

The plot is based on the original Star Trek episode "The Space Seed" . The Enterprise finds a drifting ship and Spock and Bones beam onto the ship to investigate. They find three living life forms and one dead life form. Bones takes one life form and leaves. Spock is left with the other life forms, one of which awakens and it happens to be Jenna Haze, a love/sex slave with only one purpose in life - to please men.

Kahn (Nick Manning) awakens back on the Enterprise and enlists the help of Aurora Snow in his plans to take over the Enterprise. Meanwhile, the third body from the drifting ship is beamed up and it is a Vulcan played by Sasha Grey, who has Ponn Farr (a Vulcan condition that induces the desire to mate). When Kirk (Evan Stone) points out that Ponn Farr only effects males, Sasha claims there is a strain that can effect females as well.

Kahn gets Aurora to help him unleash a virus in the sick bay to get Bones out of the way. The only cure for the virus is a great orgasm. Kahn wants Kirk to turn the ship over, telling him he has released this virus throughout the Enterprise. Thankfully, Uhura is on the deck and helps Kirk defeat the virus.

Kahn tries to leave the ship, but Scotty tricks him and he winds back up on the Enterprise and we get the classic Kirk yell "Kahn" and Kahn yells "Kirk". They leave it hanging here, my guess is for a sequel.

What I liked about the movie:

The deck of the Enterprise looked great and so did the Transporter set.

There was some attention to detail given to the costumes. For example, on each person's sleeves you can see the different number of rings denoting their rank.

The writing was really good, with a lot of humor.

Evan Stone made a great Kirk. His acting was spot on “Shatner Acting” and he even cut his hair for the role.

Jenna Haze did a great sex performance and stayed in character during her performance.

Sasha Grey as a Vulcan....of course...since she doesn't show much emotion anyway, this was a perfect role for her.

What I didn't like about the movie:

Except for the Jenna Haze sex scene, the rest of the sex scenes had no fire to them and just seemed to drone on and on (in other words, your standard sex scene, that I've seen time and time again). I understand that on the bonus disc, you can just watch the movie, which is 23 minutes long. So that means sex scenes take up about one and half hours.

Nick Manning made a great looking Kahn, but his acting is a little weak, especially since he had one of the major roles.

Scottie and Bones were hard to recognize, they didn't seem to have anything that let me know who they were, unless of course, Scottie spoke.

While Spock was ok, I think that someone like Tommy Gunn, could have been better in this role. Tony De Sergio was just sort of blah! His biggest thing seemed to be to hold his hand in the classic Star Trek "vee" during his sex scenes.

And a couple of odd things about the movie:

The male actors all received top billing for their parts instead of the normal female billing, with the males as “accessories”.

There was a WTF moment in one scene when all of a sudden Kahn fixes Aurora Snow’s hair.

I would grade This Ain’t Star Trek a solid B.


This Ain't Star Trek starring Jenna Haze, Aurora Snow, Sasha Grey, Jada Fire, Codi Carmichael, Anthony Rosano, Tony de Sergio, Jaymez Doohan, Ero Sennin, Evan Stone, Nick Manning, Cheyne Collins and directed by Axel Braun

ON THE COVER of THE ROLLING STONE

Ok, Sasha Grey didn't really make the cover of The Rolling Stone, actually, her name didn't even make the cover, just the title of the article "The Dirtiest Girl in Porn".

I imagine this article was published because of Sasha's upcoming roll in Steven Soderbergh's The Girlfriend Experience.

Anyway, I just wanted to give a "heads up" to any readers of this blog, since I thought the article would be of interest to them.


Although, you can't read The Dirtiest Girl In Porn" online, you can read The Story Behind The Story. The most interesting part of "The Story Behind The Story" are the online comments.

Pirates: Stagnetti's Revenge

Here's the basic plot: The story picks up with pirate hunters Edward (Evan Stone) and Jules (Jesse Jane), who having routed the sadistic Stagnetti seek a pardon for ex-pirate Serena (Janine in the original), along with her sister Olivia (Belladonna). They run afowl of evil pirate empress Xi-Feng (Katsuni) who kidnaps Jules and bewitches her with a magic potion. There are fights with monsters, a giant sea squid, swordplay with skeletons, duels to the death, and other special effects.

I personally found the movie to be mostly boring from start to finish. I know part of this could be that I had already seen the big production values in the first Pirates movie and wasn't "wowed" by them this time around. And with all the ballyhoo about this movie costing ten million dollars, you would think that they could get the sound level right. Any scene that takes place on a ship deck is muted by the sound of wind or too loud music.

My only complaint in the original was that the female actresses weren't very good, but just about all the acting in Stagnetti is good. The only actress that I didn't think could deliver her lines in Stagnetti was Sasha Grey. Since she is playing the title role in Steven Soderbergh's The Girlfriend Experience, this surprised me. Maybe he was able to elicit more of a performance from her than she gives in this movie.

The sex scenes in Stagnetti are edited at a quick pace(I understand that in the extras, you get the scenes in longer format), they are short compared to most sex scenes in modern porn movies. They are more like the length of 70's & 80s porn sex scenes. I have no complaint with this, since I don't have to view scenes that drone on too long before they reach the same outcome....If you don't know what the outcome is...why the hell are you reading this :-) ...go rent the Johnny Depp Pirate movies.

One scene stands out from the rest of the movie and it's a sex scene, the g/g scene with Belladonna and Jesse Jane. These two are supposed to despise each other and their sex scene coveys these emotions with slapping, spitting, hair pulling, choking, and multiple fingers anally inserted. A rough scene, but it really delivers the fact that they hate each other, without using dialog.


I know they are making a Pirates 3.....I wish they wouldn't....I really don't won't to see another one....but know I will watch 3.....with hope that it is better than Pirates #2: Stagnetti's Revenge

Stagnetti's Revenge: directed by: Joone and starring: Jenna Haze, Sasha Grey, Shyla Stylez, Jesse Jane, Shawna Lenee, Brianna Love, Stoya, Gabriella Fox, Belladonna, Katsuni, Veronica Rayne, Marco Banderas, Riley Steele, Charles Dera, Abbey Brooks, Rhylee Richards, Brea Lynn, Tommy Gunn, Evan Stone, James Deen, Manuel Ferrara, Mick Blue, Ben English