A LITTLE BIT of HANKY PANKY

 

A blast from the past,  A Little Bit of Hanky Panky has a host of famous porn stars: Ginger Lynn, Ron Jeremy, Jamie Gillis, Bunny Bleu, and Jerry Butler. As far as the plot goes, it was almost non-existent.  It seems a pair of couples are camping out and unbeknownst to all but one of them, there are a sex games happening on the island where they're staying. This creates some situations that, without the characters or the viewer having this knowledge, border on pedophilia and rape...actually it doesn't just border on rape, since Jerry Butler's character is listed as Rapist. Of course, later in the movie when this knowledge is revealed things don't seem quite as creepy as they originally appeared.

My introduction to XXX movies happened during the golden age of porn films. A Little Bit of Hanky Panky, being from that era, has very short sex scenes. This is a good thing in my opinion, some modern XXX movie sex scenes are so long they become uninteresting. A Little Bit of Hanky Panky isn't the greatest classic porn film, but it is still very enjoyable and well worth watching. I grade this one a high C+

ROCKY XXXX: A PARODY THRILLER

Rocky XXX - A Parody Thriller starring Anthony Rosano, Andy San Dimas, Lily Labeau, Mr. Marcus, Chastity Lynn, Tyler Knight, Jack Lawrence, Madison Ivy, Ron Jeremy, James Bartholet, Jack English and directed by Will Ryder.

The Plot: The first three Rocky movies are rolled into a two plus hour (143 minutes) porn re-imagined version.

: While not the greatest of parodies, Rocky XXX is certainly better than some of the quick cash-in parodies floating around. Anthony Rosano (who I've seen in way too many parodies) shows his impressionistic ability in copying Stallone's Rocky. Andy San Dimas makes a pretty good Adrian....until she takes here clothes off and we see San Dimas' tattoos which in no way fit with the shy character of Adrian who she is portraying. 

Rocky XXX hits enough of the high points of Rocky 1-3 to make a credible parody. Ron Jeremy even manages to play his non-sex role as Paulie straight without his usual "wink" to the camera. The sets are very minimal, but thankfully do not detract from the story. All in all not a bad parody and I grade it a C+. If I could only have figured why it had "A Parody Thriller" in the title I might have graded it a notch higher.

ELVIS - A PORN PARODY

Elvis - A Porn Parody starring J. Jay, Dale DaBone, Lexi Belle, Andy San Dimas, Alec Knight, Tyler Knight, Jessica Bangkok, Codi Carmichael, Jesse Palmer, Asa Akira, Ron Jeremy and directed by Alex Braun.


When I saw the title of this movie, I thought there wasn't a chance in Hell it would be any good. I even said to myself 'These parodies are getting out of hand" to which I replied to myself "Duh". To my delight, Elvis - A Porn Parody turned out to be a cut above most of the parodies out there. Although not noted, the film is really a parody of the documentary This Is Elvis, giving an overview of the life of Elvis...albeit this time with a porn slant.


Directed by Alex Braun (This Aint Star Trek #1 and This Aint' Star Trek #2) and starring Jay J as the younger Elvis and Dale DaBone as the older Elvis, the movie is also able to include other notable stars within the documentary framework: Ann-Margret (Lexi Belle), Priscilla Presley (Andy San Dimas), Mohammad Ali (Tyler Knight), Marilyn Monroe (Codi Carmichael), Natalie Wood (Jessie Palmer) and James Dean (James Deen - playing his namesake) and even Ron Jeremy makes an appearance as Elvis' second cousin (thrice removed).


While Jay J was good as young Elvis, it's Dale Dabone as the older Elvis who really got into his character. He must have really liked playing Elvis, since I saw he even went as Elvis to the AVN award show. It would be hard to single out the best supporting actor, everyone brought their "A" game, but Deen as Dean and Tyler as Ali really stood out in this excellent cast.


Elvis A Porn Parody had a progression that made logical sense, and since it was told in a documentary style, it could easily move from one facet of Elvis' life to the next and include a sex scene without looking as though it was shoved into the film. The Marilyn segment was the only exception. It was the last sex scene and it appeared rushed, like it was time to wrap things up and end the movie. There were several song parodies of Elvis' songs and a fair amount of humor sprinkled throughout the movie. I'm giving Elvis A Porn Parody a solid B.

HUNG WANKENSTEIN aka HUNG WANKERSTEIN

Hung Wankenstein aka Hung Wankerstein starring Ava Vincent, Felicia Fox (as Felica Fox), Isabella Camille, Kylie Ireland, Shanna McCullough, Anthony Crane, Evan Stone, Jason McCain, Randy Spears, Ron Jeremy. George Kaplan (non sex) and directed by Jim Enright

The Plot: a parody of Young Frankenstein. Randy Spears inherits a castle from a distant uncle (Ron Jeremy). The monster (Evan Stone) who resides there doesn't need to be brought back to life, but only have a part of him upgraded.


: Hung Wankenstein was made in 2001 and is reminiscent of some of the older porn parodies, where not only the sex scenes, but the storyline was also important in the making of the movie.

Randy Spears as The Doctor and Evan Stone as The Monster are both great in their parts, but the real standout in the movie is Anthony Crane as The Hunchback. He gets most of the best lines, while the other characters play straight man for him.

There were only a couple of minor flaws in Hung Wankenstein:

The first two sex scenes are self-referential letting the viewer know the movie is moving to a sex scene and why the sex scene is being placed at that point. This was pretty humorous, but the idea seemed to be dropped for the rest of the movie. A pity, since this added to the humorous nature of the movie.

The other small flaw was Hung Wankenstein comes to a logical conclusion, but instead of ending, the movie has another sex scene tacked on to the end. There's no doubt it was added as an after-thought, since looking at the dvd timing strip shows two parts: 96 minutes and 20 minutes. Luckily, Jim Enright was able to make it flow with the plot of the the movie. Heck, who knows, maybe we should call this dvd "The Director's Cut".

I'm not a big fan of Mel Brooks, but I always thought Young Frankenstein was the best movie he made and the humor in Hung Wankenstein is on par with that movie. In other words, if you liked Young Frankenstein and you like a porn parody, then Hung Wankenstein is the movie for you. I grade this one a A-

NOT THE BRADYS XXX - PUSSY POWER

Not The Bradys XXX - Pussy Power starring Lexi Belle, Dylan Riley, James Deen, Ron Jeremy, Mike Horner, Kris Slater, Alana Evans, Mikey Butders, Tanner Mayes, Ashlyn Rae, Nicole Ray, Seth Gamble, Eric John, Lynn Lemay, Rebecca Riley and directed by Will Ryder

The Plot: Jan (Dylan Riley) wants to be popular like her sister Marcia. Her friend Monica (Tanner Mayes) advises her "Your pussy and blow jobs are the key to your success." In other words, she's got Pussy Power between her legs. Jan sets out to discover if her friend is telling her the truth.

: I'm not quite sure why I keep renting these Brady parodies. I rarely watched the original show and have only a superficial feeling for the different characters in the show. I can only assume Will Ryder, as the director, is my main motivation to rent another Brady parody, since when it comes to XXX parodies Ryder is the top man in the genre.

Not The Bradys XXX - Pussy Power had a well written plot (Jan wanting to be as popular as her big sister Marcia) which was similar to the original TV show and contained some great comedic lines. Detail was paid to the sets and the costuming, which always seems to be the case in a Ryder movie. Something I didn't notice on my initial viewing, but thought of later, was the sound was top notch, a failure of many feature porn movies. All the acting was fine in the movie and everyone stayed in character, even if loosely, through their sex scenes.

Each new Brady parody holds less and less interest for me. I enjoyed the first one Not The Bradys XXX, didn't get too much out of the second one Not The Bradys XXX: Marcia Marcia Marcia and got even less out of this third entry. IF you've never seen one of the Brady parodies OR if you're a big fan of the original show, you will probably enjoy this movie more than I did. It probably should rate at least a B+, considering all the good points I mentioned in the previous paragraph, but for me on a personal level, I grade this one C-

TAXI - A HARDCORE PARODY

Taxi - A Hardcore Parody starring Eva Angelina, Anthony Rosano, Jenny Hendrix, Kirsten Price, Krissy Lynn, Monique Alexander, Evan Stone, Ron Jeremy and directed by Anton Slayer

The Plot: Almost non-existent, the closest thing to a plot is Alex's ex-wife is coming to see him. The movie primarily relies on the audience being familiar with the characters from the original TV show.

: While I have definitely seen worse parodies, Taxi was still far from the best. I didn't expect much, since this was from Anton Slayer (Gilligan's Island, Dukes of Hazzard) and I didn't get much, so I can't say I was very disappointed. Putting some bad wigs on a couple of actors and writing a script with a few funny lines, then wrapping a very slight plot around some long drawn out sex scenes doesn't even get your movie up to the average standard set by today's modern XXX parodies.

There are two saving graces to Taxi - A Hardcore Parody, one is Anthony Rosano as Tony Banta. He actually "gets" his character and impressed me with his acting ability. I think every feature XXX movie I have seen Anthony in has led me to believe he's one of the few adult actors who could easily cross over to mainstream films.

The other highlight of Taxi - A Hardcore Parody, much to my chagrin (since this blog is concerned with plots), is the sex scene between Rosano and Monique Alexander. Not only did this scene retain my interest throughout its 18+ minutes, but Monique had one of the best porno lines I've heard in a long time (although, I'm pretty sure it wasn't scripted) when, about three-quarters of the way into the scene, she states " Have Your Way With Me, I'm Cock Drunk".

Considering all of the above - one good actor, one good sex performance, a few laughs, and adding a point for Kirsten Price being a pretty good ringer for Elaine, I going to give Taxi - A Hardcore Parody a C-

SPACE NUTS

Living in The Bible Belt and also in a city that is home to Bob Jones University, getting porn movies has always been something of a challenge. Back before VHS you occasionally ran across someone that had an 8mm stag movie and that was about it. How Greenville, SC, managed to have a XXX movie theater on Main Street (see photo on sidebar) back in the late 60s and early 70s is still a mystery to me. We also had a XXX drive-in movie theater up the road in Spartanburg, SC....and here's the kicker....you had to know someone who could get you a membership card before you could get in....thankfully, I had a terrific Uncle Bob who got me one....so "Bob's Your Uncle" and I possessed a card (that joke is just for my UK and anglophile readers). Along came VHS and some of the small Mom and Pop shops tried to rent porn and were constantly busted by the police. I am still thankful to them for the times, between busts, that I could rent XXX videos.

All of the above is just a preamble to how thankful I was one day in 2006 when I read an article where Tori Spelling talked about renting porn by mail. My only awareness of Tori Spelling was that she was the daughter of Aaron and had been on some TV shows, none of which I had ever watched. When I read the following quote: ""My husband Dean McDermott and I also belong to this service that's like a porn Netflix.....The Netflix DVDs come in a red package and the porn ones come in a blue one, so we're like, "Oooh! A Netflix arrived!" or "Oooh! A porn arrived!" I became a fan of hers for life....curiously, to date I still have never seen her in any TV show or TV movie, but I won't "cotton" to anyone saying anything bad about Tori!!

After all that long winded explanation, I'm finally getting around to the movie I'm going to discuss for my 100th review. In 2004 HBO had a show called "Pornucopia" and part of that show was about the making of Space Nuts, a big budget XXX comedy with a plot. It reminded me of some of the older plot based movies I had seen years ago, albeit with a much bigger budget. I checked out Tori's recommendation and joined the online porn movie rental company with Space Nuts being one of the first movies I received.{IF you wonder why I'm not mentioning the rental company, their service was very slow and I eventually switched to another company}. Since I felt that review #100 should have some type of significance, I decided to watch Space Nuts again. It is a real rarity for me to watch a XXX movie more than once.

Space Nuts doesn't spoof any certain movie, but takes parts of "2001: A Space Odyssey", "Star Trek", "Star Wars", "Buck Rogers", and who knows what else, mixes them all together, adds in some special effects and produces an outstanding movie in the world of XXX. Space Nuts was directed and co-written by Jonathan Morgan, who has, as many of you know from my past reviews, become one of my favorite go-to directors when I'm looking for a good XXX movie. It also stars some top talent: Mike Horner, Jessica Drake, Evan Stone, Stormy Daniels, Katie Morgan, Randy Spears, Devinn Lane, Jessica Drake, Kaylani Lei, Kyle Stone, and even a cameo by Ron Jeremy.

The plot centers around Princess Hubba Hubba (Stormy) who is fleeing her galaxy (the Clitoran system) from the Evil Overlord (Mike Horner - unrecognizable under a prosthetic mask) who wants to marry her and control her empire. Assisting the Evil Overlord are the Dark Witch (Devinn Lane) and General Warts (Kyle Stone). On the side of good with the Princess are Buzz Starfokker (Evan Stone) and the android Jeeves (Randy Spears).

Space Nuts had a big budget for a XXX feature (reportedly $200,000) and it looks like a lot of that money was invested in special effects with some of the effects (definitely not all) being on the level of mainstream studio productions. They also didn't cut corners on costuming or make-up, something porn features are sometimes apt to do. With the effects, the costumes, the acting, the great comic writing all added together, you get one damn good movie....How good is it? They could remove the ten sex scenes (which were all too long anyway at the modern 20+ minute length) and I would still without hesitation recommend this movie to anyone who likes a good spoof.

Space Nuts starring Jessica Drake, Stormy Daniels, Devinn Lane, Kaylani Lei, Shanna McCullough, Katie Morgan, Kim Chambers, Amber Rain, Casey Pink, Evan Stone, Randy Spears, Ron Jeremy, Kyle Stone, Mike Horner, Steve Hatcher, Trevor Zen, Scott Styles, Jim Enright and directed by Jonathan Morgan

A LITTLE PIECE OF MY HEART

I had only seen one Jace Rocker production prior to watching A Little Piece of My Heart (LPMH). I felt that Jace Rocker movie, Hillbilly Honeys, was ok, but it wasn't anything that made me go on a search for any more of his movies. I ran across LPMH while searching for music related movies for my other blog: Gonna Put Me In The Movies.

The description of LPMH touted: "Texas, 1969. Ever feel you've been cheated? Stacy does. Especially after finding her redneck boyfriend in the sack with another girl. She's so pissed she decides to pack her things and head for Hollywood. She soon realizes that things are little different in California. It's the summer of free love and lots of it. From rock stars to sleazy "B" movie directors, she gives them all a little piece...of her heart!!"

Even knowing it was rated XXX and that I wouldn't be able to review it for my other blog; I still wanted to see it, since the title referenced a Janis Joplin song (I know it was originally an Erma Franklin song, but it's primarily identified with Janis) and the description included the words 1969, Rock Stars, and San Francisco. It looked liked it was going to combine both of my main interests in cinema: XXX and Music!

The movie begins in PORT ARTHUR TEXAS, where we find Tom Byron relating his war stories, which leads to a "dick in the box" gag and into the first sex scene. I would like to say a few words about Tom Byron. I have seen him in countless movies over the years and while he is always okay in the acting department, I have never seen him in any role that was memorable until I watch LPMY. He is straight up good and funny in his role as the cheating, lying redneck boyfriend.

Tom's girlfriend, Stacy Valentine, comes home to their trailer and arrives just after he has finished having sex with Shay Sweet. It's pretty obvious as to what has been going on and she packs her bags and heads for San Francisco where she's going to stay with a friend named JANIS, who has moved there.

After her money runs out for the bus ride, Stacy is having to hitchhike and she gets picked up by Steve Hatcher, who takes her home with him. Steve looked liked a cross between Sonny Bono and Jeff Foxworthy and played his role of the laid back stoned hippie musician to perfection. Steve knows Janis and makes a call to let her know that Stacy is in town, but finds out that Janis is on tour in Europe. Stacy decides to stay on in California anyway and Steve sends her to a casting agent that will help her get work in an "art" film.

Stacy's jealous cousin, Alyssa Love, finds out about Stacy's plans to stay in California and right away runs to tell Tom Byron. Tom decides he must go to San Francisco and bring her back to Texas. Of course, being the cheating rat he's always been, he first has to have sex with Alyssa.

The agent turns out to be Ron Jeremy in a non sex role. Ron wants to see how Stacy will work out and gets her to do a lesbian scene with Davia Ardell. There's a pretty funny bit here when the vintage camera that Ron is trying to work falls apart and Ron just goes with the flow, yelling for someone to bring him another camera.

Since Stacy worked out alright in her lesbian scene, Ron gets her a job on the set of a B picture being shot by Jonathan Morgan. This whole set up, including a Bela Lugosi (Jace Rocker) part is straight out of "Ed Wood". Jonathan Morgan was terrific doing Johnny Deep as Ed Wood and it made me wish for a whole porn parody of "Ed Wood" with Morgan in the lead role. And just think, the title's already there: Ed's Got Wood!

Tom Bryon finally gets to California and is trying to force Stacy to go back to Texas with him. Hatcher comes to her rescue, whacks Tom with a guitar and tells Stacy she can come on tour with him. It was great to see another movie that knew how to have an ending that could wind things up.

LPMH had the look of a very cheaply made movie, yet it put a lot of the big budget XXX spoofs to shame with its great comic writing and coherent story. The first and last sex scenes were an integral part of storyline, with the rest of the sex scenes being your standard porn movie conventional set-ups.The sex scenes were even more in line with the length of "Golden Age of Porn" sex scenes. And like many scenes from "The Golden Age", lacked very much heat. The only real flaw in the movie was there was a lot of bad silicone..some REALLY Bad, Bad Boob Jobs...but even taking that into account, I rate this one A-

A Little Piece of My Heart starring Julian, Sindee Coxx, Stacy Valentine, Shay Sweet, Davia Ardell, Alyssa Love, Jace Rocker, Tom Byron, Ron Jeremy, Jonathan Morgan, Steve Hatcher and directed by Jace Rocker

SHAGNET

This movie was made in 2001 before the current new wave of parodies and Shagnet illustrates the right way to make a XXX spoof/parody unlike some of the newer stabs at this genre. While doing some research on Shagnet, I found some evidence that Joe Thursday was also a character in "Pleasureville" and that Thursday and Blannon were also in "Desperately Seeking Shay". Unfortunately, I have not seen either of those two movies and cannot confirm those facts. However, both of those movies were also directed and written by Cash Markman, so it appears those facts are probably correct.

Shagnet begins just like Dragnet with a voice over by Joe and a view of the Los Angeles City Hall. It's 1970 and inside City Hall we find Joe Thursday (Steve Austin) and Officer Blannon (Anthony Crane) as they are being given their assignment to crack down on the porn films being made in the San Fernando Valley. It seems that in the past year, 12 porn movies have been made. Joe and Blannon's Captain tells them if this doesn't stop, by 2001 they could be making up to 50 porn movies a year.

Joe and Blannon are sent to investigate a complaint that has been made by Ward and June Bluepecker (Mike Horner and Elizabeth X). They have been hearing peculiar noises coming from next door. The gag in the movie is that Mike and Elizabeth are watching Shagnet on TV. They can see the cops arriving at their house and walking up to their door. Joe and Blannon investigate next door and find Cash Markman shooting a porn. Since the Bluepecker's are still watching Shagnet on their TV, they can see the porn scene that is being shot and we get two sex scenes here, one of the porn shoot and one with Ward and June, who have gotten hot from watching the action on their TV.

The pornography laws are weak and Joe and Blannon don't see any way they can arrest anyone for anything. Later, they decide to return to the house where the porn movie is being shot, but are denied entry without a warrant. They sneak around back and peek over the fence to watch another porn shoot happening outside. This scene is between a war protester (Evan Stone) and the Governor's wife (Jewel De'Nyle). Give Evan credit, since during the sex scene he tries to stay in character saying something that would fit with the scene; however, it's obvious from the odd reaction that Jewel gives him that she doesn't have a clue what he's talking about. Joe and Blannon still don't see anything that occurs during this scene that they think they can arrest anyone for, so they decide to try another tactic.

Joe and Blannon go undercover and dress as a couple of women and arrive at the porn set. At the set, they are sent to make-up and advised to apply it heavily. Joe gets a sex scene here dressed as a woman and we have to assume that his partner (Angelica Sin) just thinks he's a she/male. The funny touch comes at the end of this scene where a new performer named Ron Jeremy (remember this is suppose to be 1970) is told he needs to do a dirty hard anal scene. Ron mistakenly thinks they mean Joe, who is still dressed as a woman and Joe gets nailed from behind by Ron.

Back at the station Joe and Blannon have brought in Sunshine Love (Kate Frost) for questioning. Joe has to leave the room and rush to the bathroom, since after his anal probe from Ron he's been having a lot of trouble with his rear end. While he's gone Blannon has a sex scene with Kate, but Joe returns and breaks up the sex (no pop shot here), still Blannon states that having sex with the hippie was "groovy".

The cops finally get a stronger law and are able to bust the pornographers. Shagnet ends just like TV's Dragnet, showing what the porn people were convicted of and their sentences. Then the arm bangs "Mark Cashman" into the screen instead of "Mark VII"

Shagnet had a logical plot from start to finish, the sex scenes flowed with the story and there were a lot of really funny lines. Steve Austin and Anthony Crane understood their parts and did a great job as Joe and Blannon. They had the clipped talk, nodding at each others dialogue, and the stick up the butt walk down perfect. Shagnet also went the extra mile by placing some older cars on the street in order to make you believe it was 1970. The weakest part of Shagnet was the sex scenes, but I'm still grading this one an A-

Shagnet starring Angelica Sin, Bridgette Kerkove, Cash Markman, Elizabeth X, Jewel De'Nyle, Kate Frost, Alec Metro, Anthony Crane, Evan Stone, Frank Buckwyd, Mike Horner, Steve Austin, Ted Hunter, Ron Jeremy and directed/written by Cash Markman

EJACULA

The main thing that really stands out about Ejacula is that the movie was shot on location in Europe. Ejacula (Patricia Kennedy) lives in a castle along with another vampire (Rocco Siffredi) and The Hunchback (Ron Jeremy).

Some of the sex scenes end with a little blood, but really the grossest part of the movie is Ron eating worms(see movie preview below). Just as Joey Silvera shows up, the movie ends abruptly and I found out that this was just part 1, both parts could have easily fit onto one dvd. I felt I got cheated, especially since the movie wasn't good enough to make me want to rent part 2, even with the promise of what craziness Joey Silvera might add the sequel.

The storyline was just fair and the sex scenes were your standard issue. If you enjoy Ron Jeremy delivering some funny lines, then this movie is for you. If you absolutely hate Ron, I would recommend that you buy or rent some other movie since Ron is the best thing about Ejacula. I grade this one C-

Ejacula starring Lynn Lemay, Lois Ayers, Patricia Kennedy, Vivian, Tonisha Mills, Elisabeth, Ron Jeremy, Joey Silvera, Rocco Siffredi

GOOD GIRLS of GODIVA HIGH

There are some great Golden Age Porno features with great plots, but Bad Girls of Godiva High isn't one of them.

The plot centers around an all girls school, Godiva High, and the upcoming dance. They normally have a very sedate dance, but the girls want to have a Disco Party (the movie was made in 1980). But they'll have to convince the headmistress before they can have the dance that they want. Luckily one of the girls knows a guy from the all boys school and he just happens to be the headmistress' gardener, so they can get him to do the convincing (cue sex scene here). Next they have to get the owner and DJ of a local disco to put on the party (cue sex scene).

Bad Girls of Godiva High was filmed on location, rather than on a set and other than that one plus, I can think of nothing I really enjoyed about this movie. The little bit of plot is so contrived that you're probably only going to find it in a porno or a cheap sexploitation movie needing set ups for sex scenes. Adding in the bad looking cast, the uninspired sex scenes and the bad transfer from video to dvd, I can easily give this one a D

Good Girls of Godiva High starring Robin Sane, Richard Bolla, Denise Sloan, Maria Lopez, Kristy Stone, Alice Amber, Susan De Angelis, Mae East, L.A. Johnson, Joe Kane, Bobby Martin, Davida Monroe, Peter Morrison, Bob Presley, Rose Reyes, Kitsy Storme, Herschel Savage, Ron Jeremy, Merle Michaels and directed by Jim Clark

THE MADDAMS FAMILY

Starring Ona Zee as Horticia. Charisma as Coustin Tit. Deidre Holland as Judith. Kim Angeli as Tuesday. Mike Horner as Cortez. Jon Dough as Crotch. Ron Jeremy as Uncle Pester and directed by Herschel Savage.

The Maddams Family had been profiting from wars, but peace is breaking out all over and the family is heading for bankruptcy. The Maddams Family don't want to have to go into the "real" world and interact with everyday people; so they come up with a plan to turn their mansion into a whorehouse.

Of course this leads to several sex scenes starting with Horticia and Cortez. On the TV series, Morticia and Gomez were always on the verge of having sex, so this scene just gives us what we didn't see on TV. Next, Tuesday gets a lesson from Cousin Tit to prepare her for the opening of the whorehouse . Then Uncle Pester poses as a client to see of Cousin Tit will be able to handle a regular customer and Cortez tests Tuesday to see if she will be capable of working in the whorehouse. The final sex scene has the one outsider, the building inspector played by Deidre Holland, and she and Horticia take on Crotch the Butler.

Remarkably all of the above sex scenes and the plot take place in 70 minutes. With today's current long sex scenes this movie would easily take two hours and maybe longer. The cast of The Maddams Family is great and they all stay within their characters throughout the movie. Ron Jeremy has a pretty bad bald wig, but he also has some of the best dialogue in the movie. Even Jon Dough, not one of my favorite porn stars, does a surprisingly good job as Crotch.

While this movie is not from the Golden Age of porn videos (it was made in the early 90s), it could easily have fit into that time period. I grade this one a solid B+.

Christmas Porn Movies

Halloween is gone and you've already watched your horror related porn. The retail stores are selling Christmas decorations already, so you might as well skip Thanksgiving and go straight to the Christmas porn.



Very Very Bad Santa stars Ron Jeremy and is a loose take-off on Bad Santa starring Billy Bob Thornton. And I mean loosely based, since there isn't a lot of story line in this movie. The main plot of Very Very Bad Santa has Ron Jeremy (Santa) and Brian Surewood (his elf) down on their luck. They manage to get a job as landscapers where the owners of the house are out of town; so Ron and Brian rent the house out to a porn movie company. Ron Jeremy does provide a few comic lines to the movie; however, the movie was deadly dull with long uninspired sex scenes. I give Very Very Bad Santa a D+.




After watching Very Very Bad Santa, I really didn't think it would be possible to see a Christmas themed porn just as bad. Well guess again, cause The Tits That Saved XXX-Mas proved me wrong. The plot: Santa can't get his magic to work his sleigh. It seems Mrs. Claus needs some help to amp up Santa's magic and she gets some of the female elfs to step in to save Christmas.

What follows are four sex scenes with lots of big huge fake boobs with background Christmas music. There were a few decent funny lines, but not enough to save this dismal excuse of Chrismas porn. I give it a D.


Is there a good Christmas porn movie out there? Is so, someone please let me know in the comment section.


Very Very Bad Santa stars Aria, Melissa Lauren, Annie Cruz, Michelle B., Randi Wright, Mary Jane, Anna Nova, Kelly Erickson, Lee Stone, Mark Wood, Ron Jeremy, Brian Surewood and is directed by Anton Slayer

Tits That Saved XXX-Mas stars Ava Devine, Chloe Dior, Chris Cannon, Eric Masterson, Kiki D'Aire, Kurt Lockwood, Kyle Stone, Rebecca Love and is directed by Skye Blue

THE HORNEYMOONERS

Released in 1988 and starring Shanna McCullough, Annie Sprinkle, Stephanie Rage, Randy Paul, Alexis Firestone, Carlos Valentino, and Ron Jeremy.







The skimpy plot: There's a new Latino neighbor and there's confusion about who is sleeping with him. This results in the rest of the characters having sex with someone out of willingness or out of revenge.

The writing: There was so little plot, that there really isn't much to say about the lines the actors deliver. Most of the better lines appear to be ad libs.

The set: The kitchen set is fairly true to the original Honeymooners set. The sex all takes place in an adjoining bedroom, which looks too modern to fit with the kitchen set. The sex scenes are lit much better than the kitchen scenes and I expect they were shot at a different time.

The acting: Randy Paul is excellent as the Norton character. Carlos Valentino does a good job as the Latin Lover. Ron Jeremy is passable as the Ralph character and Stephanie Rage and Alexis Firestone do a decent job as Trixie and Alice

The sex: Pretty standard, most scenes are shot in the same sequence of setups with several cream pie shots.

The weirdest part of the movie: Trixie has two scenes shot outside. These scenes are filler and definitely don't fit in with the rest of the movie.

Final Thought: The Horneymooners just didn't live up to my expectations. I was expecting a little more plot and a lot more humor. The only pluses are Randy Paul's portrayal of Norton and Stephanie Rage is a good “sex actress”. I would grade The Horneymooners a C minus.

THROBIN HOOD - Porn Spoof of Robin Hood

Throbin Hood and his band of Merry Men in tights rebel against the evil Queen and Sheriff Naughty Ham's efforts to collect tax on sex.


Directed by Cash Markman and Starring Alicia Allure, Angelica Sin, Ron Jeremy, Steve Austin, Anna Malle, Nakita Kash, Teri Starr, Alect Metro, Joel Lawrence, Randy Spears

I have noticed that if Cash Markham writes and someone else directs, his storyline often starts to vanish about 3/4 of the way into the movie(a problem a lot of porn movies seem to have). But since Cash Markham wrote and directed this one, you get a good many laughs and a coherent story. I won't give it away, but the archery contest is like nothing you've seen before. A special nod to Ron Jeremy and his great comedic porno acting. Really the only drawback to Throbin Hood is too many fake boobs.

A DOUBLE DOSE of NOT THE BRADYS

Not The Bradys XXX starring Aurora Snow, Hillary Scott, Alana Evans, Jasmine Byrne, Leah Luv, Lynn Lemay, Mikey Butders, Paulina James, Veronique Vega, Benjamin Brat, Tee Reel, Lu Bricate, James Deen, Ron Jeremy, Mike Horner, Kurt Lockwood

Not The Bradys XXX Marcia Marcia Marcia starring Aurora Snow, Teagan, Ron Jeremy, Alana Evans, Gina Lynn, Alexis Love, Lynn Lemay, Sienna West, Emma Heart, Kacey Jordan, Maya Gates, Evan Stone

Not The Bradys XXX - Faced with financial difficulties at home due to slow business at his architectural firm, Mike and his wife Carol reluctantly tell the kids that the entire household will be on a budget for the next few months until business picks back up and the cash crisis ends. The kids get together and decide to help out by taking on odd jobs, holding car washes and pitching in wherever they can to help save the family house from bank foreclosure.

Not The Bradys XXX: Marcia Marcia Marcia - Marcia desires to meet the latest teen heartthrob Danny Jones. The plan is to get on his TV show even if this will conflict with the parents plan to vacation in New Jersey. The rest of her siblings pitch in to form a singing group, and wind up having sex with everyone from the talent exec to the delivery boy.

Both of these movies are well done and have a coherent plot. The acting is good in both, plus in Marcia Marcia Marcia the "Brady Kids" do get on the Danny Jones Show and they perform a very good sounding "Brady type song." I enjoyed Not The Bradys more than Not The Bradys: Marcia Marcia Marcia. That could be due to a weaker plot, or just the fact the novelty effect of watching a XXX sitcom had worn off by the time I watched Marcia Marcia Marcia. The absolutely best thing about both movies is the set decoration and costumes. Garish 70s colors and groovy 70s clothes.