Wednesday, July 20, 2011


This Ain't Hawaii Five O starring Kaiya Lynn, Lana Lopez, Nicole Ray, Priya Rai, Sophia Santi, Victoria White, Jack Lawrence, Jack Vegas, Pike Nelson, Tommy Gunn and directed by Stuart Canterbury.

The Plot: A young woman fought with her fiance and has arrived in Hawaii on what should have been her honeymoon, but is now a solo vacation. When she is found murdered in her hotel room, Hawaii Five-O is eager to solve the case, since this could hurt the tourism industry.

: The last Stuart Canterbury movie I saw was Get Smartass, which was a very badly done parody. This Ain't Hawaii Five O is only marginally better than that movie. Unfortunately, marginally still doesn't make this one very good either. The movie begins with a disclaimer about it being a parody of the original 1960s show, but This Ain't Hawaii Five O blends the old TV show with the current incarnation now showing on CBS.

The story can only be described as skimpy at best and has to try really hard (and fails) to logically insert sex scenes into the plot. At one point a girl on girl jailhouse scene is inserted into the movie and it has nothing to do with the plot. It only exists, apparently, to fulfill the need to have such a scene in the movie.

The bad wig on Jack Vegas, who plays Jack Lord's part from the original series, doesn't help matters. It only makes him appear ludicrous instead of believable in his part. The other main character, Jack Lawrence playing the part of Danno, fairs a little bit better, mainly since he doesn't have to wear a wig and is already blond. The female performers are for the most part forgettable, other than I do remember seeing too many bad "boob jobs" while watching the sex scenes with Nicole Ray being the only exception, too bad her role wasn't more fully developed.

If this is the first parody anyone happened to watch, it would probably turn them off from seeing anymore. Hell, I've seen lots of parodies and when I run across one like This Ain't Hawaii Five O, it almost turns me off from watching's that bad. I'm giving this one a D-

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