Rezervoir Doggs starring Lizzy Borden, Kimberly Kane, Andy San Dimas, Chanel Preston, Tom Byron, Amber Rayne, Raylene, Tara Lynn Fox, Anthony Rosano, Dale DaBone, Xander Corvus and directed by General Stone (Rob Black) The Plot: Tarantino's "Reservoir Dogs" with most of the lead roles switched from male to female.
: Calling this a parody is really misleading since at least 95% of the dialogue in Rezervoir Doggs is lifted straight from "Reservoir Dogs". Since the majority of the mainstream movie takes place in a warehouse it made for an easy set for the porn version. The production itself resembled what it would be like if your community theater put on their own version of "Reservoir Dogs"....well, except for the addition of sex scenes (unless you have a really avante garde local theater).
Most of the acting is passable, but the real standout in Rezervoir Doggs is Tom Byron in the role of Joe. He's so good, he could have easily played the role Lawrence Tierney had in the original film. Byron is really the only reason to see Rezervoir Doggs other than the curiosity of seeing what "Reservoir Dogs" would have been like with a primarily female cast and hardcore sex scenes. I grade the movie C-, I grade Tom Bryron A+.
The Twilight Zone Porn Parody starring Jessica Jaymes, Evan Stone, Kylee Reese, Chayse Evans, Kimberly Kane, Eric Swiss, Jack Lawrence, Eric Masterson and directed by Paul Thomas
The Plot: A new couple moves into a neighborhood at the beginning of the sexual revolution and have an effect on the other residents of Venture Lane.... or do they?
: I've seen some complaints that this movie isn't really a parody of The Twilight Zone. It doesn't start with similar music to remind you of the TV show and you don't see the narrator. However, there are some elements reminiscent of the original TV show: There is a voice over at the start and end of the movie, plus it has a very slight twist at the end and presents a moral lesson. I think people tend to forget that not every one of the original TV episodes were gems, some episodes were merely okay and The Twilight Zone Porn Parody would fall into the "okay" category easily.
All the acting was fine in the movie, which should be expected since it starred some of the top talents in the adult industry: Kimberly Kane, Eric Swiss, Evan Stone, and Eric Masterson. My biggest gripe with The Twilight Zone Porn Parody is Paul Thomas went to the trouble to costume the women with period type undergarments and June Cleaver pearls. This was supposed to make you feel it was the late 1950's/early 1960s, but then Thomas cast females with lots of tattoos which just seemed incongruous. I wouldn't go so far as to recommend The Twilight Zone Porn Parody, it's just an average movie and as such rates a C.
Love Is A Dangerous Game starring Natasha Nice, Richie, Kimberly Kane, Rocco Reed, Xander Corvus, Jack Lawrence, Alyssa Branch, Kelly Klass. Written by Jacky St. James and directed by Eddie Powell
The Plot: Paulina (Natasha Nice - who in my opinion is a "ringer" for Katie Holmes) writes Childrens Books, but is burnt out and wants to move into the world of Horror. She contacts her favorite author (Richie) for advice and a connection develops between the two, even though she is warned that he may be as crazy as some of the characters in his books.
: I had heard good things about New Sensations Romance Series, but was still reluctant to check one of the releases out. I thought they would be along the lines of the mainstream Harlequin and/or Danielle Steele group of movies released several years ago with just some long drawn out sex scenes inserted in the storyline. If Love Is A Dangerous Game is a good representative of this group of films, then I couldn't have been more wrong.
Love Is A Dangerous Game had a logical well written plot. The sex scenes flowed with the natural progression of the movie with one exception (One used a standard porn set-up, so out of place in this movie, that it didn't fit with the rest of the film). Even the sex scenes are shot with a different sensibility, making them much more interesting than your usual "by the number" sex scenes. The sex scenes are even a little shorter than modern day scenes, only running around 15 minutes. The humor sprinkled throughout adds even more in making this such an outstanding movie.
While it appeared the plot was taking an easy way out for a resolution to the story, Jacky St. James was really setting the viewer up for a twist ending. So pay attention, or you'll wind up like me and have to watch the ending a second time to "get it". Love Is A Dangerous Game came close to getting an A+ from me, but due to the one scene, as mentioned in the previous paragraph, I'm giving it an A
Miles From Needles starring Kimberly Kane, Savanna Samson, April Blossom, Maria Bellucci, Evan Stone, James Deen, Steven St. Croix, Brian Surewood and directed by B. Skow
The Plot: Stephen St. Croix finds April Blossomand his wife, Savanna Samson having sex (the first 25+ minute sex scene in Miles From Needles, which is the length of all the sex scenes in the movie). He starts having rough sex with Savanna, and this being porn, April eventually joins the duo. In a panic that St. Croix will kill them, April murders him and the two women go on the run, where their life intersects with the weird.
Things start down the wrong track when they are arrested by Evan Stone and taken to jail. It turns out Evan isn't a real policeman and has taken them to his own private jail. They are handcuffed standing up to a wall where they get to watch Evan and his wife/girlfriend, Kimberly Kane have sex.
Miles To Needles then cuts to the next morning where we get a scene that looks straight out of an early John Waters film. The women are chained to a table and are being served breakfast by Evan and Kimberly in their trailer. Kimberly is dressed, but Evan walks around naked while James Deen, who is referred to by the other two family members as Constance, crouches and hides around the kitchen in his underwear. When Evan and Kimberly leave, the girls convince Deen to let them go and they will hug him as he has requested.....the John Waters influence stops here as James Deen, Savanna, and April all start into the next sex scene. To their surprise, Evan and Kimberly are wise to what was going to happen, as we see them pull back a curtain they have been hiding behind waiting to watch their morning entertainment.
After the sex scene, Deen puts the naked women into a darkened room, where they are later visited by Evan holding a flashlight. When Evan forces one of them to have oral sex the movie loses continuity, since we can see both of Evan's hands but the flashlight is still mysteriously being pointed at the girls. Evans' wife gets wind of what he's doing and calls him out of the room. The girls somehow get dressed in mere seconds (I guess they found their clothes with the flashlight Evan left behind, but my oh my they are fast dressers) and jump out of the room and hit Evan with the flashlight.
The girls run out of the house and are chased by Evan, who gets so tuckered out he has to stop and use his inhaler. The girls hide out in a garage where Brian Surewood and Maria Belucci are having sex. Evan comes to the garage and joins in the action. This sex scene includes Evan holding a camera which is supposed to be showing us the action and the movie loses continuity once again, as the camera and what the viewer sees are never correctly in alignment. After this long sex scene the girls flee again and after a lot of running they wind up in the backyard of the same house they fled from....where???....I won't spoil anymore of the plot, but will mention one other odd bit - someone gets killed near the end of the movie, but magically reappears in the closing scene of Miles From Needles.
: The sex scenes are so long, I've even seen reviewers, who are primarily interested in XXX movies for the sex scenes, mention they're too long in Miles From Needles. The movie did use some standard plot devices to set up the sex scenes, but the main story was outside the usual realm of porn plots, with the "John Waters" scene definitely being quite novel for this genre of movie making. The acting, for the most part, was up to the level of late night cable viewing with no one being weak in their parts. I really couldn't pick the best actor in the movie, but Kimberly and Evan are always top rated adult actors in my book. If the sex scenes hadn't been mind numbingly long and with a little more attention to details, I could have rated Miles From Needles higher, as it stands I going to give it a C+
Wow! I knew that Lee Roy Myers was no Will Ryder, but I never imagined he could make a train wreck as bad as The Big Lebowski: A XXX Parody (BLX). The first problem with the movie is casting Tom Byron in the lead role. While Tom has had a stoned looked about him for years, the important thing that Lee Roy must have forgotten is that Tom isn't that great of an actor and the lead role really needs someone strong enough to give some believability to the part, since they will be carrying most of the movie. On a positive note, Tom was either given good direction in how to ape the body language of Jeff Bridges from The Big Lebowski or he has really studied the movie, since this was the one thing that was spot on.
The actual plot of BLX makes very little sense UNLESS you have seen the original movie. Myers removed large parts of the original plot and makes references to some events that have already occurred off screen. This might be fine for those familiar with The Big Lebowski; however, the end result for BLX is one more incoherent mess.
BLX starts off pretty much on the wrong foot, we have the scene inside Lebowski's house where the hoods come to demand money that's owed to Jackie Treehorn. Only this time, there's 3 of them, 2 guys and a female, While one guy beats on Tom the other two have sex. But it's not the splooge (the movie's word, not mine) on the rug that's the problem, it's the splooge on The Dude's porno tapes. An aside: BLX is on 2 discs, one has the party version (what kind of Fucking party this is going to be played at, I'm not sure....I know they nixed the idea, when I suggested it for my nephew's birthday party!). Anyway, the party version has the plot, shorter sex scenes, and no pop shots. Since the plot requires a pop shot on The Dude's tapes, the party version has already gone astray.
At the bowling alley we meet the Donnie and Walter characters and both did a great job in their characterizations. However, at one point they have Walter say "this isn't Amsterdam, there's rules" (in the original movie it's Vietnam), in later dialogue Walter says Vietnam instead of Amsterdam. This is either the fault of a poorly written script or a poorly edited movie, since there is no consistency. Could be either, since Lee Roy takes credit for the script and for co-editing.
The scene where The Dude goes to visit the "real" Lebowski (who collects Beta porn tapes) to get reimbursed for his destroyed tapes is pretty good. The "real" Lebowski in BLX has erectile dysfunction instead of loss of his legs as the character does in"The Big Lebowski". In the scene where Bunny (Brianna Blair) says that she'll suck The Dude's cock for $1,000 and Brad (Evan Stone) will have to pay an extra $100.00 if he wants to watch, The Dude whips out his checkbook and writes a check for $1,100 to cover him and Brad.
Up next is probably the best scene in BLX with James Deen playing Jesus. Since Deen had the Jesus role down perfectly, I could only think, what if they had given Deen the lead in BLX, how much better this movie could have been. The only downfall of this scene is the really ill fitting jump suit, but then I guess by this point in the movie I shouldn't have been surprised about lack of detail. If Carlos Santana ever sees this movie, I'm pretty sure there will be a lawsuit, because they really ripped off "Smooth" for the music during James Deen's sex scene.
The Dude settles in and watches "Logjammin". The scene starts pretty good with Steve Holmes in a very bad blond wig, and he mispronounces "cable" as "cabal" which was the way the character pronounced it in "The Big Lebowski". However, only moments later he pronounces it "cable", just another example of no one paying very much attention to what they were supposed to be parodying.
Before the famous Dude flying scene (mashed up with when The Dude got slipped a mickey at Jackie Treehorn's), BLX warns the viewer that things aren't going to be following the regular movie. DUH!!! If a fan of "The Big Lebowski" hasn't figured that out by this point in the movie they're never going to figure it out.
Kimberly Kane shows up near the end of the movie as Maude and she really looks the part, of course she also still looks like Scully from The Sex Files: A Dark XXX Parody. During her sex scene, I really thought I was watching Scully and The Dude get it on. This was NOT the fault of the movie, just my own addled porn brain.
At the end of the movie, Evan Stone makes another appearance, this time playing The Stranger. Of course the makers of BLX couldn't even go to the trouble to get a sarsaparilla bottle for the scene (I can even buy Sioux City Sarsaparilla at my local grocer!). Evan sports a really bad fake mustache in this scene, rivaling the bad wig of Steve Holmes for the award for worst costuming in BLX. The most discouraging part of this scene is that the dialogue covers the fact that they had to leave out of a lot of the story, but there could always be a sequel. PLEASE, I BEG, FOR EVERYONE'S SAKE, DON'T LET LEE ROY MYERS DO ANOTHER BLX!!!!
There are EVEN more things wrong with BLX than what I have mentioned above, but I didn't want to go over each and every thing that was wrong, just hit some of the main highlights that spring readily to mind after my viewing. BLX would have gotten an F, but since I did get a few laughs and a few of the actors did a good job with their roles, I'm going to rate this one a D-
I've seen one terrible Axel Braun movie - Letterman's Nailin' Palin and one very good Axel Braun movie - This Ain't Star Trek XXX. Considering that sequels are hardly ever as good as the original, I knew that watching This Ain't Star Trek XXX - 2 (ST2) would be taking a chance on seeing another bad porn parody. Surprisingly, while it didn't live up to the first Star Trek parody, it wasn't totally bad......but it also wasn't totally good.
Bones, Spock, and Captain Kirk beam down to the planet Butterfly 8 to investigate a missing mining vessel. The trio are captured with Captain Kirk (Evan Stone) being separated from Bones (Cheyne Collins) and Spock (Tony DeSergio). Two creatures come to interrogate Bones and Spock, Bones tells them that he's just a doctor and that Spock has all the info they might need. The two creatures take off their heads and we see they're actually two babes (Kagney Linn Karter and Madison Scott), who continue to take off stuff until their butterfly wings (cheap ass looking cardboard) are revealed. Looks like Bones has messed up, since now he has to sit in the corner while Spock has sex with the two maidens. From what I could understand, having sex is the way they drain the information from their opponents. Why Spock was susceptible to their charms, I can only guess it was "The Butterfly Effect", otherwise, this is quite illogical.
Back on the Enterprise, Sulu (Keni Styles) and Checkov (Joey Brass) are concerned that they can't contact the landing party. They also can't get a hold of the senior officer on board, Scotty (Anthony Roasano). The reason, they can't get Scotty is he's busy having sex with Uhura (Jada Fire). Conveniently, they find Scotty and Uhura just as they finish their sex scene! Scotty asks them to keep this quiet and he'll beam them down to find the landing party. Scotty is still distracted thinking about Uhura and accidentally beams Sulu and Checkov to 1963, where they find President Kennedy (Johnny Castle) having sex with Marilyn Monroe (Alexis Texas), the night before he is supposed to leave for Dallas.
Ok, this scene really didn't have anything to do with the rest of the movie, but if you remember the original Star Trek, they sometimes interacted with past historical characters. Anyway, Sulu and Chekov hide and watch Kennedy and Marilyn have sex. This actually turned out to be the best sex scene in the movie. Johnny Castle made a terrible Kennedy and his accent wasn't even close, BUT, Alexis made a great Marilyn in the white dress from "The Seven Year Itch", which she keeps on during the whole scene. Alexis also maintains her character talking to the President in her Marilyn voice throughout the whole scene, occasionally calling him Mr. President. Alexis really made this scene stand out and definitely brought some heat to the movie.
After the sex scene, Sulu and Chekov warn the President not to go to Dallas the next day because he will be assassinated. In a "You Can't Change History", we learn later, that even though Kennedy didn't go to Dallas, he was still killed the next day by Jackie, when she caught him with Marilyn.
Sulu and Chekov finally get beamed to the correct place and are immediately captured by Jennifer Dark, resulting once again in a sex scene. How will the crew get out of their predicament? I'll let you watch the movie and find out, but I will tell you, in case you haven't noticed, Captain Kirk has been missing since he was captured at the first of the movie. When ST2 finally gets back to him, we find him in the bedroom of The Queen of Butterfly 8 (Kimberly Kane)
It seemed to me that the plot of ST2 was awfully thin and was just sandwiched between very l-o-n-g sex scenes that didn't flow very good with the story. In other words, the story existed to get to the sex scenes, rather than the sex scenes existed because of the story. Besides Johnny Castle's terrible Kennedy accent, several other actor/performers also wavered with their accents throughout ST2. As far as characterization, only Evan Stone as Kirk, Anthony Roasano as Scotty and Alexis Texas as Marilyn seemed to understand their roles and made the effort to have constant accents. Taking into account all of the above, I rate this one a C+
This Ain't Star Trek 2: The Butterfly Effect starring Alexis Texas, Jada Fire, Anthony Rosano, Kimberly Kane, Kagney Linn Karter, Tony de Sergio, Johnny Castle, Jennifer Dark, Madison Scott, Joey Brass, Keni Styles and directed by Axel Braun
Anthony Rosano and Kimberly Kane play Mulder and Scully and just as Eric Swiss made the perfect Al Bundy and Rachel Love made the perfect Kitty from The 70s Show, Kimberly Kane was obviously born to play Scully.
I'll skip over the opening scene, since it has a little bit of a twist, but after that scene The Sex Files has the opening credits, including theme music, that are very reminiscent of the original X-Files.
We find Mulder bored and throwing pencils into the ceiling of his office, just as he did on X-Files. Thankfully Mulder and Scully get an assignment - There has been a rash of killings in Los Angeles which have some similarities to ritual and/or Satanic murders and this requires the expertise of Mulder and Scully. After getting their assignment, they leave and we are treated to our first sex scene. The boss summons his secretary and they have sex. How inventive, don't think I've ever seen that......... except for about 100 times.
At the crime scene, we are shown a pretty decent F/X corpse, but then the scene is ruined when a very white sheet with markings was supposedly removed from the victim's body and we are told it was stuffed all the way down to his stomach....doubtful, unless the victim had the cleanest innards of anyone known to man. But Mulder decides this is a sex magic case, and he's off and running. This scene is then followed by Mulder and Scully driving in their car while Mulder advances the plot with some information about the British Occultist Alistair Crowley, and also about Lillith, the Biblical Adam's first wife, who is now an evil demon bitch.
Later that night, Mulder is alone in his room and decides he wants a pizza. Not being able to get Scully to answer, he walks into her room to see if she wants something to eat and finds her coming out of the shower completely naked. Yay! Fanboys shriek in delight...finally Scully nude. Well not actually Scully, but Kimberly Kane looks so much like her with the red wig, who wants to split hairs (pubic or otherwise). After Mulder takes a good long look and is told she has already eaten, he returns to his room. Later that night, we see Mulder watching porn on his TV and here comes the next sex scene in the movie. Wow, how inventive, inserting a porn movie into a porn movie, don't think I've ever seen that...... except for about a 100 times.
The next day Mulder and Scully go see Andrew Barsons (Ralph Long), since he is the supposed leader of a group that is into sex magic, which Barsons denies. Ralph Long drags this scene and the later scene he is in down with his non-acting ability, plus he seems to have the same effect on Mulder and Scully, since all three appear to be reading from cue cards at this point in the movie. Later that night Mulder and Scully go back and examine Barsons' house and find definite clues that prove Barsons was lying and that he does still head up the group.
Next up is a nightclub scene with Audrey Bitoni and Evan Stone on the prowl for an extra woman to take home. They enter the club and since we see no one else around, I either assume that the club has just opened or that this is just a suck-ass club. But as luck would have it (or as twisting the plot to fit would have it) Lilith (Ashlynn Brooke) is there and comes up to Bitoni and Stone and they start having sex right away. Good thing there's not anybody else in the club or this might draw a crowd! But at least our old friend folding chair, who from now on I will call Porno Folding Chair or PFC, as last seen in the elevator in Missionary Position Impossible (click here for review), is in the back ground and we know PFC will be seeing some action before this scene is over. Needless to say, Audrey and Evan wind up dead, as the next scene shows us Mulder looking at two bloody sheets with bodies underneath, which are now outside the club for some odd reason (maybe the light was better for filming!).
At the autopsy, Scully finds that Evan's heart was taken from his body, the word "Fox" carved into it and then it was replaced back into Evan's body. While Scully has been doing the autopsy, Mulder has gone back to Barsons and we find that he has been drugged and tied up - SPOILER ALERT - Scully gets there just in time to save him. After the rescue, we are then treated to another Ralph Long scene as he explains everything that has been going on. This results in a flashback orgy scene..gee, a flashback to insert a sex scene, I've never seen that..... except for about 100 times. The orgy scene is followed by the final non sex scene in The Sex Files and I won't reveal it for those who haven't seen the movie, but there is a morph scene here with F/X equal to any non-XXX production you will most likely see. I even rewound the movie at this point to look at the scene again to see if I could tell how they did it.
After reporting back to headquarters, Scully and Mulder go their separate ways. Mulder comes over to Scully's later that night and tells her he's always bummed out and thinking about his sister (this refers back to the original series) but he has thought over what is really important to him. This leads to (Fanboys start shrieking) Mulder and Scully having sex. Ok, once again, it's not really Scully, but who wants to split red hairs!
I thought this was one of the better XXX takes on a regular TV show, since the characters and the plot both remained true to the original spirit of The X-Files. The direction and writing by Sam Hain was top-notch and I hope to see his name attached to some future projects. Sure there's some hackneyed plot points that are used in order to get a couple of the sex scenes inserted, but they mainly stand out because the rest of the movie is so well plotted; and even taking into account Ralph Long's bad dramatic acting ( his sitcum acting is much better), he mainly stands out since everyone else does such a good job, so it's easy to rate this one an A-
The Sex Files: A Dark XXX Parody starring Aurora Snow, Anthony Rosano, Charley Chase, Audrey Bitoni, Kimberly Kane, Ashlynn Brooke, Ralph Long, Gracie Glam, Pike Nelson, Jackie Daniels, Angelica Raven, Evan Stone, Rod Fontana and written and directed by Sam Hain
I would categorize Stood Up as a mockumentary, since it stars real life comedian Bob Levy and is the fictional story of his life. At least let's hope this was a fictional tale, if not, this is one more unlucky S.O.B.
Stood Up is about how Bob Levy met his agent Savanna and all the crummy gigs and bad luck he has had over the years. Bob is telling his story to Moni Michaels and in the first scene we see how the younger Bob met his agent and of course this sets up the first sex scene. The younger Bob is played by Tommy Gunn, actually Bob Levy doesn't have any sex scenes in the movie.
In the second scene Bob is playing a Bachelor Party, but he gets kicked out and the next comedian, played by Lee Stone, is a foul loud mouth who steals Bob's dirty nursery rhymes...think Andrew Dice Clay. And instead of Bob, the strippers at the party have sex with Lee Stone.
Bob is on to another lousy gig, this time at a Jewish wedding and his act isn't going over too well. However the waiter "Jerry" played by James Deen hits it off with Penny Flame and they go off and have sex. I note the name of the waiter, since we learn that Bob had an original idea for a sitcom, but someone else stole his idea…think “Seinfield“.
The fourth scene finds Bob down South, and you guessed it, Bob has another great comic idea stolen... this time think Jeff Foxworthy. On top of that, Bob gets beat up and Evan Stone winds up with Bob's agent and Kimberly Kane for the sex scene.
The final scene has Bob ready to score with Moni, but he has to finish his next set first. While he's on stage, Savanna gets the girl! Poor Bob, he just doesn't have any luck!
I struggled with the rating on this movie. The story line while brief is very good, but it could have been fleshed out with some more comedy routines from Bob Levy. The sex scenes were way too long, even longer than most modern day porno feature movie scenes. The sex scenes in Stood Up run close to 30 minutes. However, two of the scenes, even though long, generated enough on screen heat to keep me from hitting the fast forward button. These two scenes are the one with Penny Flame and James Deen and the one with Evan Stone, Savanna Sampson and Kimberly Kane. And add in that the making of featurette was entertaining and I grade it a C+, but just barely. Hey, two puns in one paragraph (fleshed out and barely).
Stood Up starring Bob Levy, Evan Stone, James Deen, Kimberly Franklin, Kimberly Kane, Lanny Barby, Lee Stone, Moni Michaels, Penny Flame, Savanna Samson, Tommy Gunn and directed by: B. Skow
