Sunday, November 18, 2012

Superman XXX

Superman XXX - A Porn Parody starring Ryan Driller in the title role, with Andy San Dimas as Lois Lane, Alexis Texas as Miss Teschmacher, James Deen as Jimmy Olsen, Lexi Belle, Kristina Rose, Zoe Voss, Dale DaBone, Evan Stone, Alec Knight, Ben English, Dick Chibbles, Eric Masterson as the evil Lex Luthor and directed by Axel Braun.

The Plot: a re-imagined porn version of the 1978 Superman movie with an opening that's fairly close to the original movie as Zog, Ursa and Non are sentenced to The Phantom Zone with Zog yelling "Your heirs will kneel before me". The movie then skips over Superman as a youngster and goes straight to Clark Kent (Ryan Driller) flying to Metropolis to get a job at the Daily Planet. Flying the plane is Evan Stone with his co-pilot Alec Knight. Flight attendant Lexi Belle comes to check on them to see if they need anything. Being porn this, of course, leads to the first sex scene, which is only kept interesting by Evan Stone's ad-libbed (I'm assuming) comments. Returning to the plot, the plane blows an engine and is saved by Superman.

Next up we are at the Daily Planet and Perry White (Will Ryder) is obsessed with getting photos of the "flying man". Clark Kent has been hired as the new reporter and shortly after his arrival, Lex Luthor (the always great Eric Masterson) takes over the TV airways to let everyone know he has sent a rocket to destroy Metropolis. There's a funny bit here about Clark trying to find a place to change into his Superman costume. Superman catches the rocket and sends it soaring into space, where it blows up The Phantom Zone, releasing Zog and his two cohorts. This is actually a plot point that was discarded in the original production of Superman.

It seems Jimmy Olsen (James Deen) had talked the receptionist (Khristina Rose) into having sex with him before the city was destroyed. Once Superman destroys the rocket, Deen has to convince Rose there is a second rocket on the way which sets up the film for its second sex scene. James Deen not only made a great nerdy Jimmy Olsen, but he and Khristina provided the hottest sex scene in the movie.

Next scene up is Lex Luthor and Miss Teschmacher (Alexis Texas) as Lex frets that he can't destroy Metropolis until he destroys that man in red underwear. Miss Teschmacher tells Lex he needs to relax and unwind and when he agrees that's a good idea, this leads to the third sex scene of the movie. Eric Masterson was delightful, as always, as Lex and since he not only had to act but also have sex, I think that one ups Gene Hackman any day!

Zog, Ursa and Non drop from space to Earth and in a comedic bit of aliens not understanding (think 3rd Rock or Mork), they think The Daily Planet is the seat of Earth's government.When they arrive at the newspaper office and want to know who is in charge, Perry tells them Lois (Andy San Dimas) is the head writer. They assume that's the name of the World Leader and force Lois to kneel before Zog....cue next sex scene.

After that sex scene, Superman comes to the rescue and sends the villains back to The Phantom Zone. Superman tells Lois he'll see her in the news, but he shows up later on Lois' balcony, echoing the same scene from the original film. After taking Lois flying, the movie has its final sex scene with Superman and Lois. As Superman flies off, we find that Lex and Miss Teschmacher have been spying on the couple. Lex comments he has found Superman's one weakness (Lois) setting up for a sequel which I really hope happens, since Superman XXX was such a good production.

: The movie paid homage to the original plot and added in a lot of humor making for what I consider a true parody. All the acting was top notch as was the casting of the actor/performers. Even the few special effects were pretty good. The only thing wrong with Superman XXX were the long sex scenes, even though they did flow with the plot, they broke up the narrative too much. For this reason I"m grading Superman XXX an A, instead of an A+.

Saturday, November 17, 2012


Rezervoir Doggs starring Lizzy Borden, Kimberly Kane, Andy San Dimas, Chanel Preston, Tom Byron, Amber Rayne, Raylene, Tara Lynn Fox, Anthony Rosano, Dale DaBone, Xander Corvus and directed by General Stone (Rob Black)

The Plot:  Tarantino's "Reservoir Dogs" with most of the lead roles switched from male to female.

 :  Calling this a parody is really misleading since at least 95% of the dialogue in Rezervoir Doggs is lifted straight from "Reservoir Dogs". Since the majority of the mainstream movie takes place in a warehouse it made for an easy set for the porn version. The production itself resembled what it would be like if your community theater put on their own version of "Reservoir Dogs"....well, except for the addition of sex scenes (unless you have a really avante garde local theater).

Most of the acting is passable, but the real standout in Rezervoir Doggs is Tom Byron in the role of Joe. He's so good, he could have easily played the role Lawrence Tierney had in the original film. Byron is really the only reason to see Rezervoir Doggs other than the curiosity of seeing what "Reservoir Dogs" would have been like with a primarily female cast and hardcore sex scenes. I grade the movie C-, I grade Tom Bryron A+.

Monday, November 5, 2012


The Dark Knight XXX starring Giovanni Francesco, Aiden Ashley, Brendon Miller, Brian Street Team, Penny Pax, Dani Jensen, Christy Mack, Derrick Pierce, Clarke Kent, Andy San Dimas, Tom Byron (non sex role) and directed by Axel Braun.

The Plot: A supposed parody of The Dark Knight, the movie instead draws from different elements of The DC Universe. I guess I could say kudo's for trying to come up with something original for the XXX parody; but for me, after a terrific opening scene, the rest of the movie just couldn't deliver the goods.

: While The Dark Knight XXX starting promisingly with a long (almost too long even for me) plot with Batgirl being exposed as Barbara Gordon by The Joker (Brendon Miller being even creepier than the late Heath Ledger) in front of her father, Commissioner Gordon (Tom Byron in a role that will probably be unappreciated, but he  did a great piece of acting in his minor role). The Commissioner is stripped and placed in a cage naked and forced to watch his daughter have sex with The Joker to win his freedom. After the sex scene, The Joker shoots Batgirl in the back, I think mainly so the porn line, "I guess she took two in the backside" could be included.

After this great start The Dark Knight XXX deteriorated into what was basically a vignette movie with very short bits of plot followed by long sex scenes with Nightwing (Brian Street Team) and Poison Ivy (Dani Jensen), Batman/Bruce Wayne  (Giovanni Francisco) and Cat Woman (Aiden Ashley), Zatanna (Christy Mack)  and Constantine (played by...get this - Clarke Kent) and finally Bane (Derrick Pierce)/Cat Woman/ and Kathy Kane (Andy San Dimas).

If I had to put my finger on what the problem was with The Dark Knight XXX, I think it was the short running time of 91 minutes. With five sex scenes, this left little time for any type of story development (a requirement in a porn feature for me) and what plot there was seemed to be a  hodge-podge of ideas that never coalesced  into a coherent story. The reason I'm not grading The Dark Knight XXX any lower than I am is because of four things:  the opening scene, Tom Byron as Commissioner Gordon, Dani Jensen's Poison Ivy costume, and Dani Jensen giving an outstanding sex performance in the film. These few elements allow me to keep The Dark Knight XXX from being graded below average and giving it a grade of C-