A
great parody from Lee Roy Myers. There's not much of a plot, it mainly revolves around the guys all wanting to get laid. The story is driven more by a series of jokes, which could have come straight from the TV show, the writing is that good.
Good casting all around with the
exception of Anthony Rosano as Peter. While Rosano, as usual, does a good
job of acting, the cheap fat pillow he wears is very distracting. I
imagine this was the hardest role to cast, since if Myers had cast
someone truly as fat as Peter on the animated series, then people
would probably be turned off. Aurora
Snow as Lois not only looks the part, but her acting as Lois is
spot-on. The other standout actor is James Deen, who throws himself wholeheartedly into portraying Quagmire.
Your enjoyment of Family Guy XXX
will depend on how much you enjoy the animated series, If you're a fan of Family Guy, you should get a kick out of this parody. If you hate Family Guy, I can't see you enjoying this film. Since I like the animated series, I got a lot of laughs out of Family Guy XXX and rate it B+.
Rocky XXX - A Parody Thriller starring Anthony Rosano, Andy San Dimas, Lily Labeau, Mr. Marcus, Chastity Lynn, Tyler Knight, Jack Lawrence, Madison Ivy, Ron Jeremy, James Bartholet, Jack English and directed by Will Ryder. The Plot: The first three Rocky movies are rolled into a two plus hour (143 minutes) porn re-imagined version.
: While not the greatest of parodies, Rocky XXX is certainly better than some of the quick cash-in parodies floating around. Anthony Rosano (who I've seen in way too many parodies) shows his impressionistic ability in copying Stallone's Rocky.Andy San Dimas makes a pretty good Adrian....until she takes here clothes off and we see San Dimas' tattoos which in no way fit with the shy character of Adrian who she is portraying. Rocky XXX hits enough of the high points of Rocky 1-3 to make a credible parody. Ron Jeremy even manages to play his non-sex role as Paulie straight without his usual "wink" to the camera. The sets are very minimal, but thankfully do not detract from the story. All in all not a bad parody and I grade it a C+. If I could only have figured why it had "A Parody Thriller" in the title I might have graded it a notch higher.
Anchorman - A XXX Parody starring Jack Lawrence, India Summer, Anthony Rosano, Eric Masterson, Dana DeArmond, Dale DaBone, Aiden Starr, Tasha Reign, Dylan Ryan, Adriana Sephora with a non-sex cameo by Nina Hartley and directed by Eddie Powell.
It's been a long time since I saw Anchorman and I really don't recall the plot. I found it wasn't necessary to be overly familiar with the original film, because I really enjoyed this movie. In Anchorman - A XXX Parody, Ron Burgundy has made the big time, but gets fired because of a "boob" necklace he wears. When he goes back to his old station, he finds the whole news team is now made up of only women. His all male news team reassembles and hopes to take back the station. Too bad for Ron and his team, because the women are onto their scheme.
Jack Lawerence, who has never impressed me in the past, definitely did in Anchorman - A XXX Parody. Even though Lawrence is doing an imitation of Will Ferrell playing Burgundy, Lawrence seemed believable in the role, while as I remember it, Ferrell was just giving another one of his "look how stupid I can be" performances. The rest of Burgundy's news team, played by Dale DeBone, Anthony Rosano, and Eric Masterson, are also great in their roles.
It goes without saying, since this is a current day porn feature, the sex scenes are too long. I only bring this up to make a special note about Dana DeArmond in her scene with Eric Masterson. While DeArmond wasn't the only actor/performer to remain in character during their sex scenes (most likely due to the direction of Eddie Powell), it was just that Dana was so darn good at remaining in character throughout her scene, it made the segment a lot more interesting and was the standout sex scene of the movie.
This was another great comedy parody from Eddie Powell, who also directed the terrific Scooby Doo: A XXX Parody and while Anchorman: A XXX Parody isn't quite as good as the aforementioned, it still one of the better XXX parodies out there and rates a solid B.
This Isn't Christmas Vacation starring Anthony Rosano, Carolyn Reese, Emma Heart, Alec Knight, Tweety Valentine, Marco Rivera, Melanie Rios, Sonny Hicks and directed by Sammy Slater.
As XXX parodies go, This Isn't Christmas Vacation ranks pretty far down the list. There's really only a few things good in this parody. The front artwork on the box duplicates the mainstream movie's artwork fairly close and gave me hope for a good parody. People say "don't judge a book by its cover" and in my case, I guess they should have reminded me "don't judge a porno by it's cover".
The movie only makes a couple of attempts to remind us of the movie it's supposed to be parodying. Clark (Anthony Rosano) doesn't get his bonus, instead his boss enrolls him in The Dildo of The Month Club. Other than that plot point and having Cousin Eddie (Alec Knight) show up in his camper, This Isn't Christmas Vacation pretty much rambles around setting up the four LONG sex scenes. Oh yeah, the squirrel in the Christmas tree shows up near the end.
This Isn't Christmas Vacation has a few laughs in the first part, but the second half of the movie is taken up almost entirely of sex scenes. This Isn't Christmas Vacation is one of the few feature XXX Christmas Movies around and I had high hopes for it. Other than Alec Knight doing a pretty good (not great, but still the standout performance in this movie) Cousin Eddie and the movie being Christmas themed, I can't really think of any reason to recommend this one to anyone. I'm giving it a D+ and it only gets the "+" because of Alec Knight and the artwork on the box.
When making these XXX parodies, there are a couple of things that help make the movie good or bad: the performers should have some resemblance to the actors they are portraying and the sets should look authentic. Unfortunately, Not Really Dukes of Hazzard (DOH) fails in both aspects.
The first scene has Bo (Bill Bailey, whose wig I think must have been attached to his hat) luring Alexis Texas' father (James Bartholet) away from the house so Luke can have sex with her. With his dark wig, Anthony Rosano playing Luke looks like Andy Samberg from Saturday Night Live, a turn-off in itself. This results in a 25 minute sex scene opening the movie, which in my opinion, is never a good idea with these XXX parodies. Even though Alexis keeps the scene interesting and actually remembers one time to stay in character and call Anthony "Luke". I'd already lost a lot of interest in the movie at this point. After they both get dressed, we hear the horn sound from the General Lee and Luke dashes out and hops in the car with Bo and we FINALLY arrive at the title sequence with James Bartholet doing the voice over as Waylon Jennings did in the original version. Bartholet is usually pretty reliable as a non sex actor, but he makes no effort to convince us that we are hearing Jennings voice. Hell, they probably could have gotten Shooter to do it if they had asked, since he's something of a wild child anyway.
The title includes a mild chase scene, which is looped to make it appear longer than it really was. At least we get to see one character that actually looked their part - The General Lee! I should note here that both Bill Bailey and Anthony Rosano have trouble during the movie either getting in or out of the welded shut doors of The General Lee, further taking away from any credence that you are watching The Dukes of Hazzard. Either a little practice OR the director doing re-shoots OR some closer editing could have easily solved this problem. But, when you're just cranking one of these parodies out (no pun intended), details seem to fall by the wayside.
Following the titles we get dialogue and a scene that are out of order: Enos (Dane Cross) reports that he has pulled over a woman driver, then we switch to the scene where NOW Enos is pulling over the driver (once again, sloppy film making or editing). Of course it's Daisy Duke (Ryder Skye), who actually sort of looks like Cathrine Bach - in the long shots - IF YOU SQUINT!! Needless to say, we're in for another 25 minute sex scene. Since there were lots of bad wigs in DOH, I can't point out anyone who got the worst one; however, Dane Cross was certainly given the worst costume, everything from his hat, to his badge, to his gun looked cheap and wrong, even his clothes didn't fit. As an added bonus, the combination of Dane Cross and Ryder Skye managed to produce one of the dullest sex scenes I have seen in a long time.
Daisy gets fired because having sex with Enos (to prevent a ticket) made her late for work again. But luckily! she can now enter the wet t-shirt contest Boss Hogg is putting on. Of course, since this is Boss Hogg, he has rigged the contest and has fixed it for Monique Alexander to win. We then cut to a sex scene already in progress between Monique and Cooter (Mark Wood, who looks like he chould be a brother of Dave and Phil Alvin from The Blasters). I haven't seen Monique in a while, but it appears she has been getting a lot of nice colorful tattoos since I last caught up with her. It was pretty obvious that the director, Anton Slayer, found Mark Wood lacking in the looks department, since his head rarely appears in the sex scene (that's the head on his shoulders I'm talking about). While Monique knows how to have a sex scene and has a great natural body, I still had to fast forward through another LONG scene.
I'm gonna sum up the rest of the movie, since even writing about DOH is boring me. Bo picks up Shawna Lenee, who has come into town for the contest...sex scene. Uncle Jesse gets arrested for making moonshine (with a milk can and a few pieces of pipe.....my award for worse moonshine still EVER!). Daisy has to distract Monique's father so Monique can be in the contest...sex scene...Daisy wins..Shawna is Cooter's wife...Uncle Jesse is freed from jail with funds Daisy won from the wet t-shirt contest.
There wasn't one actor in this movie that looked their part....Uncle Jesse (Carl Fredrick Coughlan) must have been cast because he had a gray beard and maybe he owned his own overalls! Rosco (Ray Marlay) looked too old for the part AND if they hadn't called him Roscoe, I don't think I would even have known who he was portraying. Boss Hogg (Allen Moffat) had a white suit and was fairly large, but couldn't act to save his life. The sets: It appears that several of the scenes took place at the same cabin, just different rooms or different locations on the outside of the cabin. The outdoor scenes could have been filmed anywhere and I suspect that some were in the cabin's driveway. Boss' place was super cheap looking (a stage and some folding chairs) and even Cooter's garage appeared to be just a large carport!
This was Vouyer Media's first foray into the world of porn spoofs. I was hoping that it would be their last, BUT, I see they have already done a parody of Taxi with Anton Slayer helming that project also. I had seen two Anton Slayer movies previously: This Ain't The Munsters (excellent) and This Ain't Gilligan's Island (terrible) giving him a 50 per cent batting average with me. Since I'm rating this one a D, Anton now rates 33 1/3 percent with me. I'm DEFINITELY not looking forward to his Taxi parody. I guess you say, "Mr. X-Ray, why not just don't watch it"......because I'M WEAK WILLED or WEAK MINDED, take your pick, when it comes to these porn parodies; I just can't help myself!!!
Not Really The Dukes of Hazzard starring Alexis Texas, Anthony Rosano, Monique Alexander, Shawna Lenee, Dane Cross, Ryder Skye, Mark Wood and directed by Anton Slayer
I've seen one terrible Axel Braun movie - Letterman's Nailin' Palin and one very good Axel Braun movie - This Ain't Star Trek XXX. Considering that sequels are hardly ever as good as the original, I knew that watching This Ain't Star Trek XXX - 2 (ST2) would be taking a chance on seeing another bad porn parody. Surprisingly, while it didn't live up to the first Star Trek parody, it wasn't totally bad......but it also wasn't totally good.
Bones, Spock, and Captain Kirk beam down to the planet Butterfly 8 to investigate a missing mining vessel. The trio are captured with Captain Kirk (Evan Stone) being separated from Bones (Cheyne Collins) and Spock (Tony DeSergio). Two creatures come to interrogate Bones and Spock, Bones tells them that he's just a doctor and that Spock has all the info they might need. The two creatures take off their heads and we see they're actually two babes (Kagney Linn Karter and Madison Scott), who continue to take off stuff until their butterfly wings (cheap ass looking cardboard) are revealed. Looks like Bones has messed up, since now he has to sit in the corner while Spock has sex with the two maidens. From what I could understand, having sex is the way they drain the information from their opponents. Why Spock was susceptible to their charms, I can only guess it was "The Butterfly Effect", otherwise, this is quite illogical.
Back on the Enterprise, Sulu (Keni Styles) and Checkov (Joey Brass) are concerned that they can't contact the landing party. They also can't get a hold of the senior officer on board, Scotty (Anthony Roasano). The reason, they can't get Scotty is he's busy having sex with Uhura (Jada Fire). Conveniently, they find Scotty and Uhura just as they finish their sex scene! Scotty asks them to keep this quiet and he'll beam them down to find the landing party. Scotty is still distracted thinking about Uhura and accidentally beams Sulu and Checkov to 1963, where they find President Kennedy (Johnny Castle) having sex with Marilyn Monroe (Alexis Texas), the night before he is supposed to leave for Dallas.
Ok, this scene really didn't have anything to do with the rest of the movie, but if you remember the original Star Trek, they sometimes interacted with past historical characters. Anyway, Sulu and Chekov hide and watch Kennedy and Marilyn have sex. This actually turned out to be the best sex scene in the movie. Johnny Castle made a terrible Kennedy and his accent wasn't even close, BUT, Alexis made a great Marilyn in the white dress from "The Seven Year Itch", which she keeps on during the whole scene. Alexis also maintains her character talking to the President in her Marilyn voice throughout the whole scene, occasionally calling him Mr. President. Alexis really made this scene stand out and definitely brought some heat to the movie.
After the sex scene, Sulu and Chekov warn the President not to go to Dallas the next day because he will be assassinated. In a "You Can't Change History", we learn later, that even though Kennedy didn't go to Dallas, he was still killed the next day by Jackie, when she caught him with Marilyn.
Sulu and Chekov finally get beamed to the correct place and are immediately captured by Jennifer Dark, resulting once again in a sex scene. How will the crew get out of their predicament? I'll let you watch the movie and find out, but I will tell you, in case you haven't noticed, Captain Kirk has been missing since he was captured at the first of the movie. When ST2 finally gets back to him, we find him in the bedroom of The Queen of Butterfly 8 (Kimberly Kane)
It seemed to me that the plot of ST2 was awfully thin and was just sandwiched between very l-o-n-g sex scenes that didn't flow very good with the story. In other words, the story existed to get to the sex scenes, rather than the sex scenes existed because of the story. Besides Johnny Castle's terrible Kennedy accent, several other actor/performers also wavered with their accents throughout ST2. As far as characterization, only Evan Stone as Kirk, Anthony Roasano as Scotty and Alexis Texas as Marilyn seemed to understand their roles and made the effort to have constant accents. Taking into account all of the above, I rate this one a C+
This Ain't Star Trek 2: The Butterfly Effect starring Alexis Texas, Jada Fire, Anthony Rosano, Kimberly Kane, Kagney Linn Karter, Tony de Sergio, Johnny Castle, Jennifer Dark, Madison Scott, Joey Brass, Keni Styles and directed by Axel Braun
Anthony Rosano and Kimberly Kane play Mulder and Scully and just as Eric Swiss made the perfect Al Bundy and Rachel Love made the perfect Kitty from The 70s Show, Kimberly Kane was obviously born to play Scully.
I'll skip over the opening scene, since it has a little bit of a twist, but after that scene The Sex Files has the opening credits, including theme music, that are very reminiscent of the original X-Files.
We find Mulder bored and throwing pencils into the ceiling of his office, just as he did on X-Files. Thankfully Mulder and Scully get an assignment - There has been a rash of killings in Los Angeles which have some similarities to ritual and/or Satanic murders and this requires the expertise of Mulder and Scully. After getting their assignment, they leave and we are treated to our first sex scene. The boss summons his secretary and they have sex. How inventive, don't think I've ever seen that......... except for about 100 times.
At the crime scene, we are shown a pretty decent F/X corpse, but then the scene is ruined when a very white sheet with markings was supposedly removed from the victim's body and we are told it was stuffed all the way down to his stomach....doubtful, unless the victim had the cleanest innards of anyone known to man. But Mulder decides this is a sex magic case, and he's off and running. This scene is then followed by Mulder and Scully driving in their car while Mulder advances the plot with some information about the British Occultist Alistair Crowley, and also about Lillith, the Biblical Adam's first wife, who is now an evil demon bitch.
Later that night, Mulder is alone in his room and decides he wants a pizza. Not being able to get Scully to answer, he walks into her room to see if she wants something to eat and finds her coming out of the shower completely naked. Yay! Fanboys shriek in delight...finally Scully nude. Well not actually Scully, but Kimberly Kane looks so much like her with the red wig, who wants to split hairs (pubic or otherwise). After Mulder takes a good long look and is told she has already eaten, he returns to his room. Later that night, we see Mulder watching porn on his TV and here comes the next sex scene in the movie. Wow, how inventive, inserting a porn movie into a porn movie, don't think I've ever seen that...... except for about a 100 times.
The next day Mulder and Scully go see Andrew Barsons (Ralph Long), since he is the supposed leader of a group that is into sex magic, which Barsons denies. Ralph Long drags this scene and the later scene he is in down with his non-acting ability, plus he seems to have the same effect on Mulder and Scully, since all three appear to be reading from cue cards at this point in the movie. Later that night Mulder and Scully go back and examine Barsons' house and find definite clues that prove Barsons was lying and that he does still head up the group.
Next up is a nightclub scene with Audrey Bitoni and Evan Stone on the prowl for an extra woman to take home. They enter the club and since we see no one else around, I either assume that the club has just opened or that this is just a suck-ass club. But as luck would have it (or as twisting the plot to fit would have it) Lilith (Ashlynn Brooke) is there and comes up to Bitoni and Stone and they start having sex right away. Good thing there's not anybody else in the club or this might draw a crowd! But at least our old friend folding chair, who from now on I will call Porno Folding Chair or PFC, as last seen in the elevator in Missionary Position Impossible (click here for review), is in the back ground and we know PFC will be seeing some action before this scene is over. Needless to say, Audrey and Evan wind up dead, as the next scene shows us Mulder looking at two bloody sheets with bodies underneath, which are now outside the club for some odd reason (maybe the light was better for filming!).
At the autopsy, Scully finds that Evan's heart was taken from his body, the word "Fox" carved into it and then it was replaced back into Evan's body. While Scully has been doing the autopsy, Mulder has gone back to Barsons and we find that he has been drugged and tied up - SPOILER ALERT - Scully gets there just in time to save him. After the rescue, we are then treated to another Ralph Long scene as he explains everything that has been going on. This results in a flashback orgy scene..gee, a flashback to insert a sex scene, I've never seen that..... except for about 100 times. The orgy scene is followed by the final non sex scene in The Sex Files and I won't reveal it for those who haven't seen the movie, but there is a morph scene here with F/X equal to any non-XXX production you will most likely see. I even rewound the movie at this point to look at the scene again to see if I could tell how they did it.
After reporting back to headquarters, Scully and Mulder go their separate ways. Mulder comes over to Scully's later that night and tells her he's always bummed out and thinking about his sister (this refers back to the original series) but he has thought over what is really important to him. This leads to (Fanboys start shrieking) Mulder and Scully having sex. Ok, once again, it's not really Scully, but who wants to split red hairs!
I thought this was one of the better XXX takes on a regular TV show, since the characters and the plot both remained true to the original spirit of The X-Files. The direction and writing by Sam Hain was top-notch and I hope to see his name attached to some future projects. Sure there's some hackneyed plot points that are used in order to get a couple of the sex scenes inserted, but they mainly stand out because the rest of the movie is so well plotted; and even taking into account Ralph Long's bad dramatic acting ( his sitcum acting is much better), he mainly stands out since everyone else does such a good job, so it's easy to rate this one an A-
The Sex Files: A Dark XXX Parody starring Aurora Snow, Anthony Rosano, Charley Chase, Audrey Bitoni, Kimberly Kane, Ashlynn Brooke, Ralph Long, Gracie Glam, Pike Nelson, Jackie Daniels, Angelica Raven, Evan Stone, Rod Fontana and written and directed by Sam Hain
