Sunday, April 26, 2009

Pirates: Stagnetti's Revenge

Here's the basic plot: The story picks up with pirate hunters Edward (Evan Stone) and Jules (Jesse Jane), who having routed the sadistic Stagnetti seek a pardon for ex-pirate Serena (Janine in the original), along with her sister Olivia (Belladonna). They run afowl of evil pirate empress Xi-Feng (Katsuni) who kidnaps Jules and bewitches her with a magic potion. There are fights with monsters, a giant sea squid, swordplay with skeletons, duels to the death, and other special effects.

I personally found the movie to be mostly boring from start to finish. I know part of this could be that I had already seen the big production values in the first Pirates movie and wasn't "wowed" by them this time around. And with all the ballyhoo about this movie costing ten million dollars, you would think that they could get the sound level right. Any scene that takes place on a ship deck is muted by the sound of wind or too loud music.

My only complaint in the original was that the female actresses weren't very good, but just about all the acting in Stagnetti is good. The only actress that I didn't think could deliver her lines in Stagnetti was Sasha Grey. Since she is playing the title role in Steven Soderbergh's The Girlfriend Experience, this surprised me. Maybe he was able to elicit more of a performance from her than she gives in this movie.

The sex scenes in Stagnetti are edited at a quick pace(I understand that in the extras, you get the scenes in longer format), they are short compared to most sex scenes in modern porn movies. They are more like the length of 70's & 80s porn sex scenes. I have no complaint with this, since I don't have to view scenes that drone on too long before they reach the same outcome....If you don't know what the outcome is...why the hell are you reading this :-) ...go rent the Johnny Depp Pirate movies.

One scene stands out from the rest of the movie and it's a sex scene, the g/g scene with Belladonna and Jesse Jane. These two are supposed to despise each other and their sex scene coveys these emotions with slapping, spitting, hair pulling, choking, and multiple fingers anally inserted. A rough scene, but it really delivers the fact that they hate each other, without using dialog.

I know they are making a Pirates 3.....I wish they wouldn't....I really don't won't to see another one....but know I will watch 3.....with hope that it is better than Pirates #2: Stagnetti's Revenge

Stagnetti's Revenge: directed by: Joone and starring: Jenna Haze, Sasha Grey, Shyla Stylez, Jesse Jane, Shawna Lenee, Brianna Love, Stoya, Gabriella Fox, Belladonna, Katsuni, Veronica Rayne, Marco Banderas, Riley Steele, Charles Dera, Abbey Brooks, Rhylee Richards, Brea Lynn, Tommy Gunn, Evan Stone, James Deen, Manuel Ferrara, Mick Blue, Ben English

Monday, April 20, 2009

Random Thoughts on The 2009 AVN Award Show

Thanks to The Gore-Gore Girl, I was able to catch the 2009 AVN Award Show on Showtime on the first go round. Last year, I missed it and it was months before they replayed it.

Below are just some of my random thoughts, in no certain order, on this year's show. If some other thoughts come to mind, I'll add them later:

Two major names that seemed to be absent from winning any awards: Randy Spears and Stormy. Both very talented individuals in the porn industry.

Winner of Best Male Actor: Evan Stone....Evan is great as long as he is portraying a character who is self absorbed and he can ham it up....but best male actor overall....I don't think so.....However, he seemed so damned grateful to win, that I don't begrudge him his award.

Why do they insist on having a terrible musical number? Do they think that without a bad musical number that they're not having a real awards show?

Larry Flynt on the state of Porn Movies not being put out of business by the internet: "As long as we remain excellent at what we do, we're gonna be around." This translates to me as Porn with a plot......THANKS LARRY...I'M GLAD YOU AGREE WITH ME :-)

I really don't need shots of women making out in the this for the soft core people watching on Showtime? Also, I don't need Flavor Flav trying to get in a camera shot that has nothing to do with him.

James Deen wins Male performer of the year, but is a no show on stage....I couldn't figure out why until I saw his quote on the AVN page ""I can have sex in front of a room full of people, but I can't get up on stage and say thank you."

Jessica Drake is a classy looking lady..... but her outfit..UGH......she said she was dressed as an angel, as a nod to her role in Fallen. Sorry, it looked more like some type of chicken outfit.

As long as I'm on fashion:

Monique Alexander...looked great in her fuschia and black Barbie Doll party dress.

Belladonna....I'm not sure what the outfit was, it was just bad.

Paul Thomas...decided to go for the slob look

Evan Stone....wild outfit that only Evan could pull off.

Bree Olson....prom dress....didn't she wear something similar last year?

Penny Flame...looked like she decided to dress as she appeared so drunk/stoned that the host Thea Vidale finally had to calm her down.

In case you want to catch the broadcast, below are some upcoming times:

On Showtime: 04/30/09 at 12:30 AM
On Showtime Showcase: 05/01/09 at 12:00 AM
On Showtime Too: 05/03/09 at 1:30 AM
On Showtime Showcase: 05/07/09 at 3:50 AM

Tuesday, April 14, 2009

Porn star Marilyn Chambers Has Died at 56

Marilyn Chambers, the Ivory Snow girl who helped bring hard-core adult films into the mainstream consciousness when she starred in the explicit 1972 movie "Behind the Green Door," has died at 56.

Chambers was quick to point out in 2000 that she had done more R-rated films that X-rated ones, but she made no apologies for the latter. "I have to say that the adult films have been a total pleasure," she said. "They were like getting paid to live out my greatest fantasies. The rest of the stuff ... sometimes got to be a real grind."

Marilyn Chambers was one of the earliest "name performers" in porn movies. She is probably best known for the plot driven Behind The Green Door. She asked for and received a $25,000 salary and a percentage of the gross for starring in the movie.

Although Chambers was quick to point out in 2000 that she had done more R-rated films that X-rated ones, she made no apologies for the latter. "I have to say that the adult films have been a total pleasure," she said. "They were like getting paid to live out my greatest fantasies. The rest of the stuff ... sometimes got to be a real grind."

Farewell to a real pioneer who helped porn cross into the mainstream minds of the American public.

Wednesday, April 8, 2009


The basic plot of This Ain't The Partridge Family is that Keith has a songwriter's block and he thinks it's caused by his lack of dates. When Danny finds an ad for love perfume in the back of Teen Pop Magazine (the same magazine was featured in Not The Bradys: Marcia, Marcia, Marcia), he decides to order it. At some point in the movie, each member of the family tries out the perfume and of course this sets up a sex scene.

After the opening scene, the movie has only very short plot scenes, just enough to get to the next sex scene. If the sex scenes were removed, you have what would amount to a typical boring Partridge Family plot(Actually, I've seen Partridge Family shows with lots more humor). IF we were given some laughs along the way, this could be forgiven. The one thing that I expect from these parodies is a good dose of humor and This Ain't The Partridge Family just doesn't deliver.

Let's hope that the XXX TV parodies aren't running out of steam. The first of these Will Ryder parodies I saw (and I think the order I saw these in was the order of their release) was Not The Bradys, which was pretty darn good. Next was Not Bewitched, which I thought was excellent. After that one, I saw the Not The Brady sequel Marcia Marcia, Marica, which was just ok, but paled in comparison to the first Not The Bradys. And now, Not the Partridge Family, which was a waste of time. It was so dull that I fast forwarded a lot ....hoping that it would get better somewhere in the movie....NOPE, never happened. I can only guess that it was rushed out too fast in order to capitalize on the demand for XXX sitcom parodies.

Next up in the Will Ryder parodies will be Not Three's Company.....Somebody please help me if Not Three's Company continues the decline. If the next one is worst than this one, it'll probably make me jerk the dvd out of the player and fling it out the door.

Is there anything good I can say about this one....well, there were only a couple of sets of fake breasts.

Shawna Lenee, Kristina Rose, Tori Black, Payton Leigh, Faye Reagan, Dane Cross, Madison Scott, Eric Swiss, Kris Slater, Sarah Jessie, James Bartholet, Sinclair, Nick Manning, Scott Lyons. Directed by Will Ryder of the 2 Not The Bradys and Not Bewitched.

Friday, April 3, 2009


The Da Vinci Load - The movie begins with a man found murdered in front of the Mona Lisa with a message written in ejaculate beside him. Police detectives Haley Paige and Frank Bukkwyd are the investigators. The case leads them to the Priory of Semen, a secret society of women. With the help of Professor Missy Monroe, a penis clairvoyant, they find that there's a much bigger picture than just a dead body and a painting.

Two scenes stand out in The Da Vinci Load: One for being terrible and one for being way above average.

The bad sex scene is with Professor Missy Monroe in her classroom. She is supposedly going to demonstrate the mystic powers of semen; so she has sex with two students to show the different powers of different semen. I say supposedly, because the scene really doesn't deliver on its promise. Plus Missy really has a hard time getting all her lines out, and on top of all of this, the sex scene is just uninspired and sloppily executed.

The good scene is when James Deen is revealed as the killer and is awaiting further instructions. He's told to get an ice cream...WTF....well it turns out there are operatives (three girls in an ice cream truck) that he is to report to. After a little diddling around the in the truck, James Deen and Joey Hart go into a nearby house. Whose house? We don't know, it's just nearby. Hopefully, it belongs to Joey Hart, if not, someone is going to be in for a big surprise when they come home later. I can see why women like James Deen. He appears to be pretty much into the woman, not just performing the sex scene.

It's been a while since I read The Da Vinci Code or saw the movie, but there are familiar references here to the original. However, the last scene in the movie appeared to be more Eyes Wide Shut than Da Vinci Code.

The movie was written with a deft comic hand by Nelson X of AVN and has lots of great lines. Unfortunately, the sound is so echoing, sometimes the actor's lines are a little hard to hear.

Final verdict: If you want a few giggles with your porn, check this one out.

The Da Vinci Load, directed by Jerome Tanner and starring: Charlotte Stokely, Claudio Meloni, Eva Angelina, Evan Stone, Haley Paige, James Deen, Jasmine Tame, Joey Hart, Michelle Maylene, Missy Monroe, Scott Nails, Steve Holmes, Tory Lane.