Thursday, December 31, 2009

DIRTY LITTLE CHEATERS



Welcome to my 50th review, somewhat of a milestone for me.
When I was younger, I felt that I could put sentences together in a fairly coherent manner; but over the years it has become harder for me to get my thoughts into the written word without some effort. I'm hoping to get another 50 reviews up next year. Now onto the review of Dirty Little Cheaters.

The movie opens with a secretary (the always great Katie Morgan, appearing here before her ridiculous boob job) and her boss (Nikko Night) having sex in the office. While having sex, they carry on a conversation about all the people they have cheated on. This is a pretty unique scene, given the fact that the dialogue makes it quite different than your typical moans and groans and "give it to me" contained in most porno sex scenes. The only other performer that I can think of that carries off scenes like this is Steven St. Croix.

The movie cuts back and forth between the current scene with Katie and Nikko to the stories that they are talking about. One of these scenes includes a video camera being used and this gives Nikko the idea to set up a camera at home to find out if his wife is cheating on him.

We soon find that the Nikko’s wife (Alana Evans) is definitely cheating on him, but she spots the camera and makes sure the camera captures her at her best. Alana plants her own camera and catches her husband Nikko having sex with some girls from the local college who are going door to door selling cookies (hey at least it's not the Pizza Girl!).

Later at the office, Nikko confronts his wife about her cheating and of course Alana is able to show him the video of his own cheating. Plus we find out that the cookie selling college girls were actually a test that Alana had set up to see if Nikko was cheating on her. They both wind up admitting that they got off watching the video of the other one cheating.

It appears that the movie needed one more sex scene as we see Nikko filming a couple of women having sex and he joins them on camera for the final scene of the movie.

I watched Dirty Little Cheaters several months ago and remember feeling that I should have liked it better. It had a decent plot and if the last scene had been omitted, the plot would have made logical sense from start to finish. There was no bad background music during the sex scenes (actually there was no background music). Dirty Little Cheaters was well directed and had no fake boob jobs. The performers seemed engaged in their scenes and for the most part stayed pretty much in character. Still, I felt something was lacking overall, but I just can't put my finger on what it was about this movie that keeps me from rating it any higher than a B.

starring Alana Evans, Brittany Skye, Becca Bratt, Katie Morgan, Honey, Nikko Night, Rafe, Malorie Marx, Celine Maxima, Nikko Night and directed by James Avalon

Tuesday, December 29, 2009

BRITNEY REARS 1


















I first saw the preview for Britney Rears on the Not The Brady's dvd. Even though Not The Brady's was only marginally entertaining, Will Ryder had done three of my favorite spoof/parody movies: Not Bewitched (2008), Not Three's Company and Not Married With Children (both from 2009). I thought maybe Britney Rears would be worth viewing, even realizing that it was one of Will Ryder's earlier efforts from 2004.

It didn't take me long to see that Britney Rears 1 - Wild Back Stage Sex Party has more to do with Will Ryder's vignette/gonzo type movies than it does with his better feature parody/spoof movies. Add in the facts that there were some bad looking fake boobs, cheap sets and uninspired sex scenes and I knew the best thing for me was to get it out of the player and return it to the rental company.

If you notice, this is Britney Rears 1, there were at least three more that I am aware of. I rate this one a D+

Britney Rears - Wild Backstage Sex Party starring: Britney Rears, Dawn Kelly, Mila Brazil, Mr. Marcus, Nicole Brazzle, Nyomi Marcela, Serena Marcus, Takota and directed by Will Ryder

Saturday, December 12, 2009

THAT'S REVIEWING!


Sometimes it's awful hard to find decent reviews of porno movies, especially Golden Age movies. One day while I was looking for a review, I ran across Dirtymoviedevotee on imdb.com. When I checked his other reviews, I saw that he had approximately 450 reviews. And these are all great reviews, well worth reading. Do yourself a favor and check out the link to the reviews below
:



Reviews by Dirtymoviedevotee

Saturday, November 28, 2009

SINGING! DANCING! SEX! Can Porn Carry A Tune?

You've already watched Glee this week, but you're still in the mood for a musical. Why not try a Porn Musical?

The first porn musical
I ever saw was Alice
in Wonderland. This movie had top notch production with great sets and actual acting and singing. Alice in Wonderland is equal to any made for TV movie musical that you would have seen during the same time period. As far as the sex in the movie, it starts out rather tame, but eventually builds to regular 70s porno sex. I would definitely recommended Alice In Wonderland for anyone interested in a unique porno spoof with singing and dancing. Alice in Wonderland was so good that all future porn musicals I have seen have had to be graded to this level of perfection. The only bad thing I can say about this movie is that the transfer to DVD was sort of faded and a little dark. I grade this one an A.

stars: Bradfor Armdexter, Gila, J.P. Paradine, Juliet Graham, Kristine DeBell, Melvina Peoples, Nancy Dare, Sue Tsengoles, Terri Hall, Alan Novak, Bruce Finklesteen, John Lawrence, Larry Spelman, Ron Nelson, Tony Tsengoles and directed by Bud Townsend


The next porn musical that I saw was Swinging in The Rain. The sets were really cheap looking showing that not much money was invested in this production. All the actors sing and the songs lyrics go with the scenes showing that some thought was put into them. I was disappointed that this wasn't a spoof of Singing in The Rain, but instead was a musical history of movies through the ages. However, that really doesn't matter much since the plot was dull, the sex was dull, and the movie winds up just being dull. I was especially disappointed in this one, since it was a Cash Markman movie and I'm usually a little more pleased with his movies. I grade this one a C-

stars: Alex Dane, Brittany Andrews, Frank Bukkwyd, Joel Lawrence, Michael J. Cox, Mike Horner, Morgan Fairlane, Nicole London, Nikki Sinn, Ron Jeremy, Steve Austin, Zasu Knight and directed by Cash Markman


Recently, I rented Misty Beethoven: The Musical. Since The Opening of Misty Beethoven was a porno take on Pygmalion, this musical version of course was a porn take on My Fair Lady. The movie starts out promising, with the actors overdubbing what sounds like their own voices. Some of the songs in the movie reminded me of songs from The Rocky Horror Picture Show and most of the songs that had this sound fared better than the other songs in the production. However, overall this movie just didn't have any oomph!. The plot drags from one musical number to the next musical number. Except for Asia Carrera bringing heat to her scene, the other sex scenes were uninspired to say the least. The only other good scene in the movie was Evan Stone who does a great song showing a lot of emotion in his voice for his unrequited love. I grade this one a C-

stars: Asia Carrera, Lezley Zen, Chloe, Mia Smiles, Michelle Lay, Ava Vincent, Julie Meadows, Sunset Thomas, Misty Mason, Kelly Steele, Randy Spears, Mike Horner and directed by Veronica Hart


One last movie I am going to include is Chatterbox, which isn't a porno, but is a softcore movie from 1977. The basic plot of Chatterbox is that a woman's vagina can talk and it not only talks, but sings and it sings a lot all the way through the movie. While this is a super cute idea and funny for a while, the joke wears a bit thin over the 70 plus minutes running time. I know I normally complain about too many and too long sex scenes, but if a couple of hardcore scenes had been thrown into Chatterbox to break up the on-going humor, it would have made one hell of a great porno. I understand that Chatterbox is a remake/rip-off of a hardcore 1975 French film called Pussy Talk, so possibly the French version would be a little better. I still grade this one a C+.

stars: Candice Rialson, Larry Gelman, Jane Kean, Perry Bullington, Arlene Martel, Michael Taylor, Cynthia Hoppenfield, Robert Lipton, Rip Taylor, Professor Irwin Corey and directed by Tom DeSimone


I have read that Axel Braun is in pre-production on Grease XXX, which is supposed to run 4 hours. I'm going to hold out hope that it can measure up to Alice in Wonderland. In the meantime, I guess I can re-watch Alice in Wonderland or just tune into Glee and imagine that they're all naked!!!!

Monday, November 23, 2009

30 ROCK: A XXX PARODY






I'm a sucker for porn parodies or sitcums, even though there are so few really good ones. But I keep renting them, because when a good one comes along it's worth the effort I put in sitting through the bad ones. I'm sorry to report that 30 Rock: A XXX Parody is one of the bad ones.

Whoever thought up the plot for this 30 Rock parody must have gotten confused and thought that they were doing the Not Seinfeld sitcum, since the movie is about nothing. The sparse plot revolves around trying to get better ratings for the show.

30 Rock: A XXX Parody has to rely on the characters to move the story along. You had better be familiar with the NBC 30 Rock characters or a lot of things in this movie may not make much sense. Also, be warned that none of the actors look very much like their real life counterparts.

Before renting this movie, I never bothered to check who was playing Tina Fey's part in 30 Rock: A XXX Parody. I should have known it would be Lisa Ann since she plays Palin in porn movies and Tina Fey played Palin on SNL, then of course logic dictates Lisa Ann playing Tina Fey. In my review of Letterman's Nailin Palin I said "Lisa Ann might look slightly like Palin (if you were drunk and squinted)", well to believe Lisa Ann is Tina Fey/Liz Lemon you would have to be drunk, squinting.....oh, who am I fooling, nothing will make you believe that Lisa Ann is Tina Fey. I knew Lisa Ann was bad in Letterman's Nalin Palin, but since that movie was so short, I thought maybe in a longer format she would improve. Unfortunately this wasn't the case. Lisa Ann obviously still thinks acting is "just wearing glasses".

30 Rock: A XXX Parody did have a few giggles here and there, but the best part of 30 Rock: A XXX Parody is actually a non sex role. Bishop plays the Tracy Morgan/Jordan character and he gets the same crazy lines and is the same crazy character that Tracy Morgan is on 30 Rock. Either Bishop really “got” his role or someone put a lot of effort into getting all the funny into this one character. I mean Bishop is laugh out loud funny and almost worth the cost of a rental, but just almost. I'm grading this one C-



30 Rock: A XXX Parody stars Lisa Ann, Amy Ried, Ashlynn Brooke, Ralph Long, Evie Delatosso, Lana Violet, Rebecca Linares, James Deen, Erik Everhard, Herschel Savage, Chris Cannon and is directed by Lee Roy Meyers.

Friday, November 20, 2009

LETTERMAN'S NAILIN' PALIN




Randy Spears plays David Letterman and presents a Top 11 list. Dave/Randy's first guest is Governor Sanford and there's a little joking around in the Letterman style. Obama is the next guest and after a few more jokes, Palin played by Lisa Ann appears. Palin starts to have sex with Sanford and Obama, Dave joins in, but soon makes Obama and Sanford leave. At the end of the sex scene, Sanford and Obama come back for pop shots. That's really the end of the movie. The rest of the DVD is filled with Lisa Ann scenes from other movies.

There’s things that I like about this movie: Randy does a good job imitating Letterman. The comedy writing during the Letterman segment was just as good as you get on the real show. Plus, The Top 11 list is pretty darn good, at least equal to most of The Top 10 lists on the real show.

Unfortunately, there's a lot of things that I didn't like about the movie: The actor playing Paul decided being bald and having a funky looking set of glasses was all that was needed for his role. The actor playing Sanford didn't even try for any type of imitation and the actor playing Obama wasn't much better. And finally, Lisa Ann might look slightly like Palin (if you were drunk and squinted), but she has very little acting ability. It appears that she thinks as long as she keeps her glasses on (and she struggles to keep them on during her sex scene) that she's really got this acting thing down. Adding to my misery are Lisa Ann's very, very bad fake boobs!

What puzzles me is that this is really only a 30-40 minute movie (including the sex scene), the rest of the movie is filled out with different clips from other Lisa Ann movies. It would have been easy to fill out the movie with a flashback sex scene of Sanford and his Argentina lover. Another scene could have been Obama in the Green Room with a female Secret Service Agent. Even the Paul character could have had his own scene with as the real Paul would say "some groovy music groupies". I'm not even that clever and it didn't take me but a second to think of these other scenes. With the top notch writing of the one scene that was actually the movie, this could have been a really outstanding porno. But just giving the viewer one scene and a lot of clips just doesn't do it for me. I'm giving this one a D+.

Letterman's Nailin Palin starring Lisa Ann, Sascha, Marco Banderas, Tyler Knight, C.J. Wright, Eric John, Mick Blue, Randy Spears and directed by Axel Braun



Tuesday, November 17, 2009

STOOD UP




I would categorize Stood Up as a mockumentary, since it stars real life comedian Bob Levy and is the fictional story of his life. At least let's hope this was a fictional tale, if not, this is one more unlucky S.O.B.

Stood Up is about how Bob Levy met his agent Savanna and all the crummy gigs and bad luck he has had over the years. Bob is telling his story to Moni Michaels and in the first scene we see how the younger Bob met his agent and of course this sets up the first sex scene. The younger Bob is played by Tommy Gunn, actually Bob Levy doesn't have any sex scenes in the movie.

In the second scene Bob is playing a Bachelor Party, but he gets kicked out and the next comedian, played by Lee Stone, is a foul loud mouth who steals Bob's dirty nursery rhymes...think Andrew Dice Clay. And instead of Bob, the strippers at the party have sex with Lee Stone.

Bob is on to another lousy gig, this time at a Jewish wedding and his act isn't going over too well. However the waiter "Jerry" played by James Deen hits it off with Penny Flame and they go off and have sex. I note the name of the waiter, since we learn that Bob had an original idea for a sitcom, but someone else stole his idea…think “Seinfield“.

The fourth scene finds Bob down South, and you guessed it, Bob has another great comic idea stolen... this time think Jeff Foxworthy. On top of that, Bob gets beat up and Evan Stone winds up with Bob's agent and Kimberly Kane for the sex scene.

The final scene has Bob ready to score with Moni, but he has to finish his next set first. While he's on stage, Savanna gets the girl! Poor Bob, he just doesn't have any luck!

I struggled with the rating on this movie. The story line while brief is very good, but it could have been fleshed out with some more comedy routines from Bob Levy. The sex scenes were way too long, even longer than most modern day porno feature movie scenes. The sex scenes in Stood Up run close to 30 minutes. However, two of the scenes, even though long, generated enough on screen heat to keep me from hitting the fast forward button. These two scenes are the one with Penny Flame and James Deen and the one with Evan Stone, Savanna Sampson and Kimberly Kane. And add in that the making of featurette was entertaining and I grade it a C+, but just barely. Hey, two puns in one paragraph (fleshed out and barely).

Stood Up starring Bob Levy, Evan Stone, James Deen, Kimberly Franklin, Kimberly Kane, Lanny Barby, Lee Stone, Moni Michaels, Penny Flame, Savanna Samson, Tommy Gunn and directed by: B. Skow

Thursday, November 12, 2009

JUGSY


Here's what the box says: "Herschel Savage shoots from the hip on a journey into the seedy underworld of (dis)organized crime. Meet Jugsy, a stripper who bares more than her soul in a tale so torrid it`ll curl your spats. Grab a table and dim the lights. Jugsy will blow you away."

Here's what Mr. X-Ray has to say: I had high hopes for this one, after seeing the great job that Herschel Savage did with his parody of the Addams Family (See my Maddams Family review below). I rented this one with the assumption that Jugsy would be a take-off on the movie Bugsy.

But there's barely a storyline in this movie at all. Just some very short lines of dialog that connect the sex scenes, so this one was a major disappointment. And to add to my misery, most of the women were not very attractive. I grade this one a D.

Jugsy starring PJ Sparxx, Madison, Heidi, Heather Lere, E.Z. Ryder, Rob Tyler, Sean Michaels, Steve Drake and directed by Herschel Savage.

Tuesday, November 10, 2009

NOT THREE'S COMPANY XXX





The plot: Jack loses his job as a chef, so Chrissy gets a night job to help out. Because of things overheard, the rest of the cast assume that Chrissy has become a prostitute. Just like a real Three's Company plot: Something is said...and that something is misconstrued as something else and hilarity ensues.

This is an excellent porn parody. There are several factors that all combine to make it stand out among some of the other recently released porn parodies.

I find two things to always be necessary for a good movie (porn or otherwise): Good casting and good writing and Not Three's Company has both.

The best bit of casting without a doubt is Penny Flame as Janet. With a wig, not only does she look the part but her acting will make you think she is the real Janet. Penny Flame even stays in character during her sex scene (listen to her dialog during her scene). Next best casting: Nina Hartley makes a great Mrs. Roper. Van Damage is not too bad as Jack and the same can be said for Brynn Tyler as Christie. And a special note for the outstanding non-sex role by James Bartholet as The Doctor.

An odd bit of casting is Ron Jeremy as the bartender at The Regal Beaver. This is a non-sex role and I see no particular reasoning for him being cast in this movie, except for the name recognition on the box.

An interesting tidbit about the casting: Tommy Gunn was forced to shave his mustache for the role of Larry. I say forced, since the word was that they would kill him off in the Pirates series if he didn't. So after going to all the trouble of having him shave his mustache, they give him one more super bad fake wig.

Besides the casting, the writing is so good that it made me think that it was just a long lost Three's Company script.

A few other factors add to Not Three's Company to make it such an excellent sitcum:

The sets are colorful and reminiscent of the real show.

The audience “oohs” and “aahs” and applause spots are included in the right spots and the laugh track is reminiscent of the real TV show.

The movie ends just like a Three's Co. would end: with a little break to a blackout where a commercial would normally be and returning with a bumper spot.

And to top everything off, the theme song to Not Three's Company sounds like the real theme song only with different lyrics (check it out below in the trailer)

Not Three's Company definitely grades an A.

Not Three's Company XXX starring Nina Hartley, Penny Flame, Jenny Hendrix, Roxy Jezel, Sienna West, Van Damage, Madison Scott, Allyssa Hall, Brynn Tyler, Eric Swiss, James Bartholet, Dino Bravo, Tommy Gunn, Ron Jeremy, Scott Lyons and directed by Will Ryder

Sunday, November 8, 2009

THE MADDAMS FAMILY


Starring Ona Zee as Horticia. Charisma as Coustin Tit. Deidre Holland as Judith. Kim Angeli as Tuesday. Mike Horner as Cortez. Jon Dough as Crotch. Ron Jeremy as Uncle Pester and directed by Herschel Savage.

The Maddams Family had been profiting from wars, but peace is breaking out all over and the family is heading for bankruptcy. The Maddams Family don't want to have to go into the "real" world and interact with everyday people; so they come up with a plan to turn their mansion into a whorehouse.

Of course this leads to several sex scenes starting with Horticia and Cortez. On the TV series, Morticia and Gomez were always on the verge of having sex, so this scene just gives us what we didn't see on TV. Next, Tuesday gets a lesson from Cousin Tit to prepare her for the opening of the whorehouse . Then Uncle Pester poses as a client to see of Cousin Tit will be able to handle a regular customer and Cortez tests Tuesday to see if she will be capable of working in the whorehouse. The final sex scene has the one outsider, the building inspector played by Deidre Holland, and she and Horticia take on Crotch the Butler.

Remarkably all of the above sex scenes and the plot take place in 70 minutes. With today's current long sex scenes this movie would easily take two hours and maybe longer. The cast of The Maddams Family is great and they all stay within their characters throughout the movie. Ron Jeremy has a pretty bad bald wig, but he also has some of the best dialogue in the movie. Even Jon Dough, not one of my favorite porn stars, does a surprisingly good job as Crotch.

While this movie is not from the Golden Age of porn videos (it was made in the early 90s), it could easily have fit into that time period. I grade this one a solid B+.

Friday, November 6, 2009

Christmas Porn Movies

Halloween is gone and you've already watched your horror related porn. The retail stores are selling Christmas decorations already, so you might as well skip Thanksgiving and go straight to the Christmas porn.



Very Very Bad Santa stars Ron Jeremy and is a loose take-off on Bad Santa starring Billy Bob Thornton. And I mean loosely based, since there isn't a lot of story line in this movie. The main plot of Very Very Bad Santa has Ron Jeremy (Santa) and Brian Surewood (his elf) down on their luck. They manage to get a job as landscapers where the owners of the house are out of town; so Ron and Brian rent the house out to a porn movie company. Ron Jeremy does provide a few comic lines to the movie; however, the movie was deadly dull with long uninspired sex scenes. I give Very Very Bad Santa a D+.




After watching Very Very Bad Santa, I really didn't think it would be possible to see a Christmas themed porn just as bad. Well guess again, cause The Tits That Saved XXX-Mas proved me wrong. The plot: Santa can't get his magic to work his sleigh. It seems Mrs. Claus needs some help to amp up Santa's magic and she gets some of the female elfs to step in to save Christmas.

What follows are four sex scenes with lots of big huge fake boobs with background Christmas music. There were a few decent funny lines, but not enough to save this dismal excuse of Chrismas porn. I give it a D.


Is there a good Christmas porn movie out there? Is so, someone please let me know in the comment section.


Very Very Bad Santa stars Aria, Melissa Lauren, Annie Cruz, Michelle B., Randi Wright, Mary Jane, Anna Nova, Kelly Erickson, Lee Stone, Mark Wood, Ron Jeremy, Brian Surewood and is directed by Anton Slayer

Tits That Saved XXX-Mas stars Ava Devine, Chloe Dior, Chris Cannon, Eric Masterson, Kiki D'Aire, Kurt Lockwood, Kyle Stone, Rebecca Love and is directed by Skye Blue

Saturday, October 31, 2009

DARK ANGELS 1

The movie opens with a vampire (Ginger Paige) going to a club, finding a man and having sex with him in the bathroom before feeding on him. What is it with porn directors and bathrooms? It seems that over the years I have seen many sex scenes shot in bathrooms, and this scene is shot in a particulary foul looking bathroom.

The Queen vampire (Sydnee Steele) finds her and is upset because of the mess Ginger has made in a public place. Sydnee Steele gets picked up by Mike Horner, who thinks that she's a hooker, and they go park in a dark spot and have sex in his car. There's some great camera work here with different angles shot inside and from outside the car.

Jewel de Nyle runs out of gas and while walking, finds Sydnee feeding on Mike. Jewel goes to the police, who doubt her story, except for one detective who appears to take her story a little more seriously and he takes her home.

At home, Jewel falls asleep and dreams that she is having sex with Sydnee and is bitten and infected. When she awakes, she finds that it wasn't a dream, but that she has actually been bitten. She calls the police, but by the time they get to her house and get her to a hospital, she is too weak and dies and her body is taken down to the hospital morgue.

In the morgue, she awakens as a vampire and the morgue attendant has sex with her. I don't know about other people, but if I worked at a morgue and a body came back to life, I don't think having sex with that body would be the first thing on my mind. The first thing on my mind would be: "Feets do your stuff".

After killing the morgue attendant and taking his clothes, Jewel goes back home. At home she is restless so she calls a taxi, forces the driver out and drives herself to the vampire's nest. I'm assuming that since she is now a vampire she can sense where the nest is located, since no explanation is given. Little does she know that she is being followed by the detective.

At the nest, the vampires try to convince her that being a vampire is great and they show her a couple of captives they are going to have sex with and feed from. But Jewel isn't buying it and kills one of the vampires by pushing her on some sharp logs. The other vampires start to attack Jewel, but she has a gun and they back off. I'm not sure why the vampires are afraid of the gun, since in most vampire lore bullets are not a deterrent to vampires.

The detective has gotten waylaid by another vampire forcing him to have sex with her (well, I don't think he really resisted that much!). This vampire tries to bite him, but he resists and the vampire runs off. The detective meets up with Jewel and they fight and kill off the other vampires......and then???????? Sorry, don't won't to spoil the ending.

My understanding is that this movie was shot in parts over a few months and I think this gave the director much more time to realize a complete story. The first few sex scenes flow as part of the story, not something just inserted into the story, this is a refreshing change from most porn movies. While this doesn't hold up through the whole movie (the scene where the detective has to stop and have sex in the alley, being a prime example) there are enough scenes like this to make Dark Angels 1 stand out from the normal crowd.

While there are some shaky parts to the movie - the morgue scene, the vampires afraid of bullets, a vampire that is killed by glass through the heart; overall this is one of the better non-comedy features that I have seen this year. While not perfect, it comes pretty damn close. I'm giving this one an B+

Dark Angels 1 starring Sydnee Steele, April, Jewel De'Nyle, McKayla, Ginger Paige, April Flowers, George Kaplan, McKayla Matthews, Voodoo Child, Phylisha Ryder, Evan Stone, Erik Everhard, Mike Horner, Mickey G., Dillion Day and directed by Nic Andrews

Friday, October 30, 2009

NIGHT of THE GIVING HEAD








Global warming makes holes in the ozone layer, making men's sperm mutate and women who taste it become zombies craving more and if that woman kisses another woman, then she also becomes infected.

What do you get when a director that mostly shoots Gonzo movies tries to do a feature: A director who obviously doesn't understand features and should have stuck with Gonzo.

The movie looks like it was shot on a weekend by a bunch of people that all hung out in one house until their part in the movie came up. It was too brightly lit for a take on Night of the Living Dead, the plot line was weak, the jokes were stale, no one could act, it was poorly edited and on and on.

This movie just made me mad (hell, I'm getting pissed just writing this review)! Not only is Night of the Giving Head bad, but it wasted a great porn title.

My grade D-

Night of the Giving Head starring Nikki Rhodes, Amber Rayne, Veronica Rayne, Claire Dames, Samantha Sin, Kylee Reese, Rucca Page, Caroline Pierce, Rodney Moore and directed by Rodney Moore

Tuesday, October 27, 2009

BLUE ANGEL


What little plot there is in Blue Angel concerns a mobster, Steven St. Croix, getting killed and winding up in what I would guess is a sort of purgatory. He's made a guardian angel and is told he can earn a trip to Heaven or Hell, depending on how good or bad he does in his new job. He's teamed with Herschel Savage (who Steven St. Croix has whacked earlier...and that is whacked as in as killing, not whacked as in masturbating...Let's not get confused here). But, Stephen St. Croix makes a mistake and Asia Carrera is killed before her time and will have to spend what should have been her life (50 more years) in purgatory until her actual death date. This works good for the keeper of the records, since Asia is a computer whiz and can help him with the books. And also good for Stephen St. Croix, since Asia is now in purgatory with him.

After seeing Love at First Byte, which had a good plot (although a short plot) with lots of humor, I wanted to give a Simon Wolf Studio with Bud Lee directing another try, so I rented Blue Angel. You don't really get to the main plot until about 40 minutes into the movie OR if you skipped the first two sex scenes, about 3 minutes into the movie. This movie has six sex scenes of the modern day standard length of approximately 18-20 minutes. Since the movie is only 127 minutes in length, that leaves very little time for plot. Even though I was expecting a short plot after Love at First Byte, Blue Angel's plot wasn't entertaining enough and either needed to be fleshed out (yeah, I said flesh) or written a little better. The very last part of Blue Angel is two sex scenes, with the movie cutting back and forth between the two scenes. If these last scenes had been cut just a little bit, then there would have been some room for a decent plot. The movie ends abruptly, with the last scene setting up for a sequel. I had no interest in seeing the sequel, until I found out that Blue Angels: The Second Coming was directed by Steven St. Croix. So maybe the sequel in this case might be better than the original. I grade this one a C-

A few other thoughts on Blue Angel:

As in Love at First Byte, Evan Stone never wears clothes, so he does not get to play dress up (and in his other movies, Evan appears to love a costume). Is this some type of conspiracy with this Simon Wolf/Bud Lee.....no costumes for Evan?

Stephen St. Croix may not the best actor in porn, but he always commits fully to his character, and that is no exception in this movie. The opening scene where he's having sex with someone's girlfriend and talks to the boyfriend while doing so is a little goofy but a scene that only Stephen St. Croix would seem able to pull off.

Asia Carrera demonstrates once again that she is a great "sex actress".

Blue Angel starring: Aurora Snow, Asia Carrera, Steven St Croix, Nikita Denise, Hannah Harper, Monica Mayhem, Kate Frost, George Kaplan, Kimi Lixx, Don Fischer, Evan Stone, Herschel Savage, Chris Cannon, Joey Ray and directed by Bud Lee

Tuesday, September 8, 2009

THIS AIN'T STAR TREK


The plot is based on the original Star Trek episode "The Space Seed" . The Enterprise finds a drifting ship and Spock and Bones beam onto the ship to investigate. They find three living life forms and one dead life form. Bones takes one life form and leaves. Spock is left with the other life forms, one of which awakens and it happens to be Jenna Haze, a love/sex slave with only one purpose in life - to please men.

Kahn (Nick Manning) awakens back on the Enterprise and enlists the help of Aurora Snow in his plans to take over the Enterprise. Meanwhile, the third body from the drifting ship is beamed up and it is a Vulcan played by Sasha Grey, who has Ponn Farr (a Vulcan condition that induces the desire to mate). When Kirk (Evan Stone) points out that Ponn Farr only effects males, Sasha claims there is a strain that can effect females as well.

Kahn gets Aurora to help him unleash a virus in the sick bay to get Bones out of the way. The only cure for the virus is a great orgasm. Kahn wants Kirk to turn the ship over, telling him he has released this virus throughout the Enterprise. Thankfully, Uhura is on the deck and helps Kirk defeat the virus.

Kahn tries to leave the ship, but Scotty tricks him and he winds back up on the Enterprise and we get the classic Kirk yell "Kahn" and Kahn yells "Kirk". They leave it hanging here, my guess is for a sequel.

What I liked about the movie:

The deck of the Enterprise looked great and so did the Transporter set.

There was some attention to detail given to the costumes. For example, on each person's sleeves you can see the different number of rings denoting their rank.

The writing was really good, with a lot of humor.

Evan Stone made a great Kirk. His acting was spot on “Shatner Acting” and he even cut his hair for the role.

Jenna Haze did a great sex performance and stayed in character during her performance.

Sasha Grey as a Vulcan....of course...since she doesn't show much emotion anyway, this was a perfect role for her.

What I didn't like about the movie:

Except for the Jenna Haze sex scene, the rest of the sex scenes had no fire to them and just seemed to drone on and on (in other words, your standard sex scene, that I've seen time and time again). I understand that on the bonus disc, you can just watch the movie, which is 23 minutes long. So that means sex scenes take up about one and half hours.

Nick Manning made a great looking Kahn, but his acting is a little weak, especially since he had one of the major roles.

Scottie and Bones were hard to recognize, they didn't seem to have anything that let me know who they were, unless of course, Scottie spoke.

While Spock was ok, I think that someone like Tommy Gunn, could have been better in this role. Tony De Sergio was just sort of blah! His biggest thing seemed to be to hold his hand in the classic Star Trek "vee" during his sex scenes.

And a couple of odd things about the movie:

The male actors all received top billing for their parts instead of the normal female billing, with the males as “accessories”.

There was a WTF moment in one scene when all of a sudden Kahn fixes Aurora Snow’s hair.

I would grade This Ain’t Star Trek a solid B.


This Ain't Star Trek starring Jenna Haze, Aurora Snow, Sasha Grey, Jada Fire, Codi Carmichael, Anthony Rosano, Tony de Sergio, Jaymez Doohan, Ero Sennin, Evan Stone, Nick Manning, Cheyne Collins and directed by Axel Braun

Friday, September 4, 2009

MOBSTER'S BALL


This movie was listed as a feature and Mobster's Ball was described as: "Mob Hits. Bank Robbers. The Cotton Club. These are just a few of the things that say 1930's. Award winning director Brad Armstrong gives us a tantalizing, sensual and erotic glimpse of this time gone by.

Mobster's Ball turned out to be just a series of scenes, all tied together using the 1930's gangsters theme. So there's no plot to discuss, but if you're in the mood for something without all of them pesky words, then Mobster's Ball may be for you; since the costumes were great, the background music fit the scenes and everything was filmed good.

Mobster's Ball starring Jessica Drake, Marco Banderas, Cherokee, Jada Fire, Tory Lane, Jenaveve Jolie, Mia Smiles, Brooke Haven, Jasmine Byrne, Carmen Hart, Angel Cassidy, Ginger Rocs, Tommy Gunn, Randy Spears, Chris Cannon, Herschel Savage, Brad Armstrong, Eric Masterson, Brian Pumper and directed by Brad Armstrong.

Thursday, September 3, 2009

THIS AIN'T GILLIGAN'S ISLAND





The movie starts with a porn film crew arriving on the island. Instead of the scene they were going to do, they spot Gilligan and use him secretly in their scene. Then they have a meeting with the island residents and agree that after they shoot their movie, they will take the castaways with them when they leave.

Instead of the movie the porn crew had planned to film, they decide to do hidden camera scenes with the island residents. This sets up all of the future scenes in This Ain't Gilligan's Island, with either the film crew having sex with an island resident or island residents having sex with each other. That's basically the whole plot.

Ok, I know that the plot of getting off the island was used over and over on the original series. But, I would say that there wasn't more than a page of dialogue written to join the sex scenes together in This Ain't Gilligan's Island; maybe if the writer double spaced, he might have had two pages. I would say that the sex scenes are way too long (a little longer than most current porno features) which left no time for plot, but if you have no plot to start with, I guess there is nothing left but to fill the two hours with sex.

This is absolutely the worst of the porn parodies that I have seen. If anyone watched this for their first porn parody, I don't think they would ever want to watch another one. Hell, it almost made be not want to watch another porn parody. The best thing that I can say about this movie is that the sets looked good, although there was one Tiki Head that seemed to move from one set to the next.

My original reaction after finishing the movie was to rate it a C minus. However, since seeing This Ain't Gilligan's Island, I have seen a couple of good porn parodies, and giving this movie a C minus would be an insult to the good ones, so I'm rating it a D plus.


This Ain't Gilligan's Island starring Darryl Hanah, Sindee Jennings, Ryder Skye, Regan Reese, Anthony Rosano, Jack Lawrence, Evan Stone, Rod Fontana and directed by Anton Slayer


Below is a trailer and sneak preview. The star rating is from youtube, NOT my rating.

Sunday, August 30, 2009

DEBBIE DOES NEW ORLEANS


I'm a sucker for any movie set in New Orleans, so of course, Debbie Does New Orleans is in my personal collection of movies set in New Orleans.

Eccentric New Orleans has some behind the scenes photos from the movie, plus filming locations and locals who are in the movie.



Some notes on the people you will see on Eccentric New Orleans and who appear in Debbie Does New Orleans:

Lucky Cheng's was a restaurant with a floor show and all the waitresses and performers were Drag Queens. I saw Star Lady last year in New Orleans outside The Gumbo Shop. The Royal Street singing group is still going, although I believe there is only one of the performers in the movie that is still in the group.

The plot: Debbie has a chance to be a cheerleader at the Super Bowl, but she can't decide whether to go to New Orleans or not, since her fiancé says he needs her to help him at the motel he runs. But Debbie catches him cheating on her, so she takes off for New Orleans to pursue her own dreams. Debbie winds up being coveted by some sex fiends who want to see her in a sex show at a club located outside New Orleans in the swamp. She refuses, but her fiancé has been captured and is going to be anally raped unless Debbie takes his place on stage, which she does. All of this causes Debbie to miss her big cheerleading shot and she winds back up at the motel cleaning up, while her fiancé is back to his old ways of cheating on her.

Now besides the fact that I enjoyed seeing the New Orleans location shots, this is a pretty decent movie, even if the plot does break down in places. The thing that I found most interesting was what I guess might be called the message of the movie. Debbie rescues her fiancé from being raped, but he continues to cheat on her afterwards anyway. What's the message? Are guys suppose to think, the girl will stay with me no matter what I do. Are women suppose to think, he's just always going to be a cheater, there's nothing I can do about it, even if causes me to miss my own chance at happiness. Just seems like a mixed message to me.

My only other thought is the threat of anal rape used in Debbie Does New Orleans. I haven't seen enough Paul Thomas movies to know if this is a running theme in his movies, but find it curious to that in 1999's Debbie Does New Orleans and in 2008's Cry Wolf, male anal rape or the threat of male anal rape is contained in both movies.

Debbie Does New Orleans starring Sky, Temptress, Chandler, Wendy Divine, Alexandra Nice, Vivian Valentine, Alexa, Maya, Erik Everhard, Eric Masterson, T.T. Boy, Bobby Vitale, Devin Wolf, Dillion Day, Steve Taylor and directed by Paul Thomas






Tuesday, August 18, 2009

The Honest Scrap Award


XXX MARKS THE PLOT has been awarded The Honest Scrap Award by THE LIGHTNING BUG'S LAIR . For those of you who have never checked out THE BUG, you will be astounded by his knowledge of movies.

Here's 10 blogs that I check everyday, therefore passing on The Honest Scrap Award.

1. The Gore Gore Girl - an educated person's guide to the world of porn.

2. Stay Right Here A Little While - Mr. Smith has great musical tastes and on top of that he throws in a movie review every now and then.

3. M.Bug doesn't blog all that often, but when she does, it is always interesting.

4. Thrilling Days of Yesteryear keeps me up on old movies and TV on DVD.

5. 8 Track Journal - don't think a blog about 8 Tracks can be interesting, then you haven't read this blog.

6. A Greenville Life - even though there are a lot of German recipes and stamping news, the blog is well worth it for the restaurant reviews.

7. When You Awake alt country blog with some great mix tapes.

8. Yard Sale Bloodbath - all about yard sales in Seattle with photos.

9. Yard Sale Addict - all about yard sales in the Atlanta area.

10. Yard Sale Queen - yard sales in Maryland.

Now the rules call for a list of 10 honest things about myself.

1. I saw my first porn movie (not counting stag films) in a movie theater at the age of 17 by using someone else's draft card to prove I was 18 and gain admittance to the theater.

2. Even though I hate fake boobs, some of my favorite porn performers have gone that route - Stormy Daniels, Katie Morgan, Jessica Drake, Jesse Jane.

3. I have sold lots of videos on EBAY over the last 11 years, but I have never sold a porn video.

4. I hate anal scenes.

5. My earliest favorite female porn performer was Ginger Lynn.

6. I love a good spoof/parody porn. Unfortunately, these are few and far between to be found.

7. I am a big Bob Dylan fan; however, I don't take him as seriously as a lot hard core fans do.

8. My favorite type of cd is a compilation of an artist's songs done by other artists. A tribute cd of Bob Dylan songs would be my ideal cd.

9. I love to read, especially mystery/detective/comic crime novels. And if they are set in Florida, only the better.

10. I really hate doing lists.

Friday, August 14, 2009

PORN - Business of Pleasure













This is a fairly interesting special. It covers the business, some of the stars, women behind the scenes and a few other things.

CNBC is scheduled to replay it Sunday August 16 and August 19th, both times at 1am est. Check your local listings. Here's a link to the show on CNBC's web site: BUSINESS of PORN

Wednesday, August 12, 2009

THE HORNEYMOONERS


Released in 1988 and starring Shanna McCullough, Annie Sprinkle, Stephanie Rage, Randy Paul, Alexis Firestone, Carlos Valentino, and Ron Jeremy.







The skimpy plot: There's a new Latino neighbor and there's confusion about who is sleeping with him. This results in the rest of the characters having sex with someone out of willingness or out of revenge.

The writing: There was so little plot, that there really isn't much to say about the lines the actors deliver. Most of the better lines appear to be ad libs.

The set: The kitchen set is fairly true to the original Honeymooners set. The sex all takes place in an adjoining bedroom, which looks too modern to fit with the kitchen set. The sex scenes are lit much better than the kitchen scenes and I expect they were shot at a different time.

The acting: Randy Paul is excellent as the Norton character. Carlos Valentino does a good job as the Latin Lover. Ron Jeremy is passable as the Ralph character and Stephanie Rage and Alexis Firestone do a decent job as Trixie and Alice

The sex: Pretty standard, most scenes are shot in the same sequence of setups with several cream pie shots.

The weirdest part of the movie: Trixie has two scenes shot outside. These scenes are filler and definitely don't fit in with the rest of the movie.

Final Thought: The Horneymooners just didn't live up to my expectations. I was expecting a little more plot and a lot more humor. The only pluses are Randy Paul's portrayal of Norton and Stephanie Rage is a good “sex actress”. I would grade The Horneymooners a C minus.

Saturday, August 8, 2009

Layout



The basic plot of the movie revolves around a magazine called AVG (Adult Video Guide) and the movie is meant to be a take on AVN (Adult Video News). The back of the box blurb: "Hollywood, CA - A young reporter accepts a position at adult trade mag powerhouse AVG, and becomes immersed in the strange world where pornography and journalism meet. Gradually he grows from an eager cub reporter into a sophisticated writer, surviving the distractions and pitfalls one would expect in the pornalism game...like full-on bondage and non-stop, hardcore anal sex...stop the presses! Briana Banks is the lead ... Tom Byron's the sidebar ... and Paul Thomas is at the desk. Any resemblance to AVN is purely intentional."

The movie's purpose was either to rip open the world of porn journalism and show us how things work behind the scenes or have us see how kinky these people all are. While both of these themes may be of interest to those working in the world of porn journalism, it didn't do a lot for me.

The best part of the plot was Kylie Ireland, playing a retired superstar trying to make a comeback She seduces AVG reporter Marcos Leon as part of her scheme to gain favorable press coverage.

Layout includes a couple of "on the set" porn shoots. The outdoor one is horrible and shot badly. The indoor one - The Three Muskatettes with Hillary Scott, Brooke Haven, Briana Banks, and Evan Stone was much better. And of course, our man Evan, gets to play dress up.

The movie was shot on film (and I think part video). There are some parts of the film that are dark and grainy. If you're going to shoot on film and can't have good lighting, why bother.

My only other comment on the movie is "When did Tom Byron get old!"

I appreciate the fact that Paul Thomas does strive to put more content into his movies than some directors; however, I would still grade Layout as only an average modern day porn movie.

Layout starring Penny Flame, Hillary Scott, Briana Banks, Haley Scott, Kylie Ireland, Brooke Haven, Marcos Leon, Joey, Barry Scott, Evan Stone, Tom Byron, Jerry, Kurt Lockwood, Tyce Bune and directed by Paul Thomas.









Tuesday, July 28, 2009

Love At First Byte


The plot: Aurora Snow is trying to develop the perfect man on her computer with a program she got from Steven St. Croix. Meanwhile on the TV in the room there is a porno playing (which is actually the first sex scene).

Keri Windsor, one of Aurora's roommates is planning to go to the big game with Joel Lawrence; but an approaching thunderstorm gets the game delayed and Keri and Joel wind up in the bedroom. As an aside, when Joel Lawrence first appears in the movie, he is in a coat and tie and Mrs. X-Ray said he looked remarkably like Tim Geithner, our current Secretary of the Treasury and I would definitely agree. I don't think anyone will be doing a White House spoof that would require a Tim Geithner look-a-like, but if they did, Joel Lawrence would definitely be the man for the part.

Lightning strikes Aurora's computer and her creation comes out of the computer as Evan Stone. Asia Carrera, Aurora's other roommate, volunteers to try him out.

At this point, the plot lost its way a little bit, since we get a segment where no one is home but the cleaning girl, April, when Randy Spears arrives. It seems one of the girls wanted to hire a male stripper, so April gets to do the "auditioning".

Now back to the plot, it seems that Evan has gone flacid and Aurora calls her friend Steven St. Croix for help and he tells her to come on over. In the meantime, Steven is busy bringing a couple of sex dolls to life for his own pleasure.

We find out that Evan is not really a computer generated man but a being from another dimension and at the end of the movie Aurora gets to have sex with her "perfect" man.

One thing interesting about this movie is that Evan Stone doesn't get to wear any type of costume. I recently read somewhere that stated people went into porno for the money or for the sex, but Evan must have gone into porno for the costumes. And if you take note of his appearances in most of his movies, he generally has some type of costume, even if it is just a hat.

This is a movie that I shouldn't like, since there isn't really much of a plot. However, the short segments of plot are very well written with some great humorous lines. Plus, this movie contains something I usually don't focus on - The Sex Scenes. Most of the performers looked more involved in the sex than what I normally see in pornos. I would really like to grade this movie a B+, but since the plot was so short, I am grading it a solid B.

Love at First Byte starring Asia Carrera, Aurora Snow, Keri Windsor, Nikita Denise, Holly Hollywood, April, Mia Smiles, Evan Stone, Steven St. Croix, Joel Lawrence, Randy Spears and Chris Cannon and directed by Bud Lee.

Thursday, July 9, 2009

The Internet Killed The Porno Plot




















My title for this post is a nod to MTV when the first video they played was "Video Killed The Radio Star". The article below should be of interest to anyone who reads this blog.

Lights, Camera, Lots of Action. Forget the Script.

Sunday, June 21, 2009

INNER BLUES


From the liner notes:: Inner blues is a rarity in adult productions. It is lavish. It is wild. And it's got the live, hard driven pulsating metal music by Gutz. The action revolves around "Club 64" -- the bar where the pick-ups are made -- the stage where the young and beautiful looking-for-stardom hopefuls perform -- and the main floor where the gyrating, undulating crowds rock to the beat in sensual heat! The main participants are Lauren, starry-eyed, vulnerable and incredibly desirable, waiting for a big break as a dancer and her boyfriend Bruce, a drug-weary musician down with the blues. Giving brilliant performances in these parts are the wonderful Taija Rae, the handsome Jerry Butler, the outrageous Frankie Leigh, the villainous Viper and William Margold as Rocky. If you're looking for some superior film viewing -- and listening -- catch the beat, the sensual heat of inner blues. It will rock you off your feet!

I just love the liner notes, this sounds like one hell of a movie. Unfortunately, it doesn't live up to its description. This isn't that much of a surprise, since the jacket notes were put there to sell the movie. However, it's a pretty decent movie with a plot that actually makes sense.

Here's how I saw the plot: Taija Rae bartends at Club 64 and wants to be one of the strippers. However, the boss insists on having sex with anyone who wants to strip and Taija will not consent. Taija is also taking care of her musician boyfriend, Jerry Butler, who doesn't have a job and is suppose to stay off dope. But while Taija is at work, Jerry snorts coke and has sex with Viper. Taija conceives a Ladies Night at the club and in a somewhat weird twist, she books the metal band GUTZ, instead of Jerry. She does promise Jerry that he will be able to play there later. GUTZ plays and Taija carries around a guitar and strips (just like an old MTV video, but with nudity). Margold is seen hiring a new bartender at the end of the movie, since he has decided that Taija can perform on stage from now on.

A few additional comments from Mr. X-Ray:

Taija does a great acting job and is believable throughout the movie.

Jerry Butler is a pretty good actor. You can pretty much always count on the fact that he is going to give a porn performance everything he has in his acting repertoire. He always reminds me of a small town community theatre actor. My trouble is that after reading his biography Raw Talent, I can always see Jerry "acting".

Viper was way ahead of her time with a tattoo of a snake poised to strike her left nipple, that morphs into a tiger composed of interlaced skulls across her belly, and finally reanimates as a snake snapping at her clitoris.


Inner Blues directed by Vincent Rossi and starring: Jerry Butler, Taija Rae, William Margold, Viper, Kim Acosta, Tami Lee Curtis, Frankie Leigh, Sharon Kane, Billy Dee

Wednesday, June 17, 2009

JANE BOND Meets OCTOPUSSY


After watching the last two modern "serious pornos", I decided maybe I needed to dip back into the classics for something with a little humor. Jane Bond Meets Octopussy sounded like a good title and the spoofing of a spy movie would probably be fairly humorous. Well, guess what.....I was wrong again.

The movie is about Octopussy having a ray that turns women into sluts and weakens men. Jane Bond goes undercover to get inside Octopussy's mansion. When she arrives she finds that headquarters has mistakenly assigned a file clerk to be Jane's backup. After a few adventures and sex scenes at the house, Jane is found out, but before Octopussy can kill her, she zaps Octopussy with her own sex ray.

Now even with this skimpy plot, there should have been room for some humor, but those lines were few and far between. The tip off that this movie was badly written is near the first, when the file clerk (who wears sparkles in her hair) is asked her undercover name, she says "Tiffany"........WTF.......no one could think of a funny spoof name? Well, at least the sparkles were cool!

The movie wasn't a complete waste of time, I mean I didn't have to do any FF and I wasn't bored; I was just disappointed, since I was expecting a lot more from this classic porno than it could deliver.

OCTOPUSSY - directed by Jack Remy and starring: Amber Lynn, Porsche Lynn, Kristara Barrington, Lorrie Lovett, Blondie, Mauvis DeNoire, Tony Romano, Gary Barker, Randy West

Sunday, June 14, 2009

FALLEN or 1/2 of A Review for 1/2 of A MOVIE


Since Fallen was has a running time of nearly 3 hours, I decided to split it into 2 viewings of 1 ½ hours. The movie starts with Jenna Haze and Brad Armstrong in a sex scene. Jenna leaves and takes the elevator, which crashes. Jessica Drake was the angel assigned to watch her but when she arrives at the apartment house she finds the door is locked and she can't get in to prevent Jenna from being killed in the elevator crash. This does seem like awful sloppy angel work and, if I understand the plot correctly, Jessica is stripped of her wings and has to live among the mortals for her error.

This leads us to Jessica sometime in the future and she is living a carnal life and going to an orgy....I think we are supposed to believe she wants to feel something in her existence. The only thing I felt was I was watching an overly long unnecessary scene that really had nothing to do with the movie....Thank Goodness for the FF button.

The next day Brad Armstrong "bumps" into Jessica, but she fails to recognize him. This is just setting the plot for a future meeting. Next up is a sex scene where Jessica meets a couple of cops and has sex with Randy Spears on the hood of the cop car. The next day she meets Brad again and they make a date. At the end of the date, they have sex and the next morning Jessica finally figures out that Brad was Jenna's boyfriend. After this, an upset Jessica convinces Herschel Savage to let her ride around on the top of his cab (maybe it makes her feel like a flying angel) in exchange for sex.

As far as I remember this was about the half way mark and as I'm typing this, I realize how weak the plot is in this movie, even though it didn't seem that bad when I was watching it. On the plus side for the movie: there was some outstanding camera work, some of the best I've ever seen in a porno. And Jessica Drake really did a good acting job in the movie.

So, a little time elapsed and I started watching the rest of the movie and I was BORED, BORED, BORED.....maybe I thought the first part of the movie was better since I had just finished watching Cry Wolf and was glad to see something....anything else. What happens in the second part? I did so much FF that I can only tell you there is some tattooing, motorcycling, and camping, some more camping, and of course sex scenes. I have read that there is a surprise ending, but I couldn't even make it that far...if anyone wants to add the ending in the comments box, please feel free to do so.


Fallen - directed by Brad Armstrong and starring: Jenna Haze, Jessica Drake, Shyla Stylez, Jada Fire, Alektra Blue, Jenaveve Jolie, Gianna Lynn, Jennifer Dark, Lana Croft, Ryder Skye, Derrick Pierce, Angie Savage, Niko, Marcus London, Hunter Bryce, Barry Scott, Michelle Mc Claren, Tommy Gunn, Randy Spears, Herschel Savage, Brad Armstrong, Eric Masterson, Barrett Blade.

Friday, May 8, 2009

CRY WOLF


I had delayed reviewing Cry Wolf since one of my favorite reviewers GORE-GORE GIRL had given it such a great review. I thought that if I let some time pass, my outlook on Cry Wolf might change. You should definitely read her review for a different outlook from mine. And since she goes over the plot, I won't attempt to here.



I just didn't like the movie and I really don't have any good reasons not to like Cry Wolf. Since there were a lot of good things about the movie:

1. Monique Alexander is the lead actress and she carries the movie as good as any mainstream actress. Her performance in act one is one of the best that I have ever seen in a porn movie and would hold up in a mainstream movie.

2. Mr. Marcus, the lead actor was also very capable in his acting. Actually all the actors/actresses in the movie were well qualified with their acting chops.

3. Monique Alexander has one of the best natural bodies in current porn movies.

4. Steven St. Croix is in the movie. One of the better porn actors that always seems to add something to any role he plays.

5.The sex scenes weren't overly long.

6. Cry Wolf is very well plotted. Remember a porn movie has to include sex scenes, this usually causes the plot to be weaker, since it doesn't leave as much time in a standard two hour movie. That is why you will find some of the better plotted porns running into the three hour mark. But Cry Wolf delivers on plot and sex and all in just over two hours.

7. The Direction is top rate.

But despite all of these things, the movie didn't do it for me. I know I'm looking for plots in porn movies, and as I stated this was well plotted. The only thing that threw the plot off a little bit, for me, was at the end of act one, one of the twists that is going to come later in the movie is telegraphed.

Another thing that threw me off was the juxtaposition of scenes. There would be a well developed scene with plot and sex and then it seemed that each one of these scenes would be followed by a standard porn scene. I saw some speculation on the web that Paul Anderson didn't direct this movie. However, I have no doubt that Paul Anderson (who once remarked that he wanted to be the "Orson Welles of Porn") did the direction. There could be a possibility that he left some of the weaker scenes to someone else to direct.

I don't know, I just didn't like the movie. I thought maybe it was because Mr. X-Ray usually likes a little bit of comedy in his porn....and Cry Wolf is deadly serious(Vivid calls it a psychodrama)......but I'm currently about half way through Fallen, which is primarily a drama and it is a lot more interesting.

Changing the pace from the serious to funny, I'm including the below Monique Alexander video from YouTube.


Tuesday, May 5, 2009

ON THE COVER of THE ROLLING STONE
















Ok, Sasha Grey didn't really make the cover of The Rolling Stone, actually, her name didn't even make the cover, just the title of the article "The Dirtiest Girl in Porn".

I imagine this article was published because of Sasha's upcoming roll in Steven Soderbergh's The Girlfriend Experience.

Anyway, I just wanted to give a "heads up" to any readers of this blog, since I thought the article would be of interest to them.


Although, you can't read The Dirtiest Girl In Porn" online, you can read The Story Behind The Story. The most interesting part of "The Story Behind The Story" are the online comments.

Monday, May 4, 2009

THIS AIN'T THE MUNSTERS


When the movie begins, you will probably say WTF, I thought this was going to be a parody porno and it looks like I'm just getting some kind of compilation tape with sex scenes, but hold on to the end of the first scene for a surprise. After that the titles will begin and you will get to the rest of the movie. The plot centers around each of the characters and has lots of "The Munsters" type humor.

After a sort of an introduction to The Munsters, as they come together in the living room (or maybe it's the dead room), we find that Marilyn's long-distance boyfriend has just shown up in town. Next, we discover that Eddie - the guitarist for a popular rock band (a nod to the original Eddie (Butch Patrick) and his band Eddie and The Monsters) - has just had one of his sex tapes released to the public. Finally and most importantly, we learn that Herman and Lily's wedding anniversary is coming up. This wedding anniversary is the biggest part of the storyline, as Herman is wanting to make this special day one to remember for his dear wife. With the help of Grandpa's science skills and with a little black-market haggling Herman is able to find just the right thing for their anniversary.

While this is not the most complicated plot you are going to find, the humor is spot on "Munster" humor and the movie contains a lot of laughs. For some reason, in all the hullabaloo over Not The Bradys, This Ain't The Partridge Family, etc., this one doesn't seem to get as much notice as those movies, but I found this to be one of the better TV parodies. I mean - come on - where else are you going to get green on green sex!

All the actors do a good job in portraying their characters; the standout is Lee Stone as Herman. He does a great job of staying in character as Herman throughout the movie, even during his sex scene.

I would definitely recommend This Ain't The Munsters to anyone that likes some comedy with their porn. And if you really want your TV to look like the original Munsters, there is an option to watch the movie in black and white.

This Ain't The Munsters XXX directed by Anton Slayer and starring Aiden Starr, Evan Stone, Gavin Wells, Jenna Haze, Lee Stone, Mick Blue, Roxy Deville, Sammie Rhodes, Shawna Lenee, Trent Soluri, Victoria Sin, Voodoo, Whitney Stevens





Sunday, May 3, 2009

WHACK JOB

The Basic Plot: Roxy Deville is a spoiled mafia princess who discovers her boyfriend Darren in bed with another woman. When her mafia father (Paul Allen) refuses to put a hit out on the cheating boyfriend, Roxy takes matters into her own hands. She promises Tommy Gunn that she will have sex with him, if he kills her boyfriend. Tommy enlists the help of a fellow goon; but they both turn out to be bumbling idiots and manage to screw up every attempt they make at the hit. They're so bad, that they eventually have to be rescued by the very man they are trying to kill.

Roxy Deville gives a great performance as the spoiled Mafia Princess and Tommy Gunn does an adequate job of playing the bumbling hit man. In my opinion, Tommy Gunn is better when he is cast as a menacing character. In Whack Job, he is definitely playing against type. The real standout among all the actors was Paul Allen in his non-sex role as the Mafia Don. Probably because of his voice, he reminded me of the comedian Bobby Slayton.

I will have to give credit to Stormy for one well shot and interesting scene in the movie: the group sex scene, with a lot of overhead shots to capture the "action".

I had looked forward to this movie, since it was written and directed by Stormy. I had previously seen Stormy's: Operation Desert Stormy(one of the better comic porn videos), Sleeping Around, For Love Money or A Green Card, and Gossip, and enjoyed all of them. However, this one was just mildly amusing and I mean MILDLY. The plot was thin and the writing struggled trying to deliver laughs. After seeing Whack Job, this has put me off renting any more Stormy directed movies in the near future, with the exception of the future Operation Tropical Stormy, the sequel to Operation Desert Stormy; hopefully, that sequel will not be a let down like the sequel of Pirates.

Directed and written by Stormy and starring Kaylani Lei, Roxy Deville, Gianna Lynn, Veronica Rayne, Nikki Rhodes, Lexi Lamour, Derrick Pierce, Tony de Sergio, Alexa Jordan, Jack Vegas, Ethan Cage, Tommy Gunn, Mr. Pete

Sunday, April 26, 2009

Pirates: Stagnetti's Revenge


Here's the basic plot: The story picks up with pirate hunters Edward (Evan Stone) and Jules (Jesse Jane), who having routed the sadistic Stagnetti seek a pardon for ex-pirate Serena (Janine in the original), along with her sister Olivia (Belladonna). They run afowl of evil pirate empress Xi-Feng (Katsuni) who kidnaps Jules and bewitches her with a magic potion. There are fights with monsters, a giant sea squid, swordplay with skeletons, duels to the death, and other special effects.

I personally found the movie to be mostly boring from start to finish. I know part of this could be that I had already seen the big production values in the first Pirates movie and wasn't "wowed" by them this time around. And with all the ballyhoo about this movie costing ten million dollars, you would think that they could get the sound level right. Any scene that takes place on a ship deck is muted by the sound of wind or too loud music.

My only complaint in the original was that the female actresses weren't very good, but just about all the acting in Stagnetti is good. The only actress that I didn't think could deliver her lines in Stagnetti was Sasha Grey. Since she is playing the title role in Steven Soderbergh's The Girlfriend Experience, this surprised me. Maybe he was able to elicit more of a performance from her than she gives in this movie.

The sex scenes in Stagnetti are edited at a quick pace(I understand that in the extras, you get the scenes in longer format), they are short compared to most sex scenes in modern porn movies. They are more like the length of 70's & 80s porn sex scenes. I have no complaint with this, since I don't have to view scenes that drone on too long before they reach the same outcome....If you don't know what the outcome is...why the hell are you reading this :-) ...go rent the Johnny Depp Pirate movies.

One scene stands out from the rest of the movie and it's a sex scene, the g/g scene with Belladonna and Jesse Jane. These two are supposed to despise each other and their sex scene coveys these emotions with slapping, spitting, hair pulling, choking, and multiple fingers anally inserted. A rough scene, but it really delivers the fact that they hate each other, without using dialog.


I know they are making a Pirates 3.....I wish they wouldn't....I really don't won't to see another one....but know I will watch 3.....with hope that it is better than Pirates #2: Stagnetti's Revenge

Stagnetti's Revenge: directed by: Joone and starring: Jenna Haze, Sasha Grey, Shyla Stylez, Jesse Jane, Shawna Lenee, Brianna Love, Stoya, Gabriella Fox, Belladonna, Katsuni, Veronica Rayne, Marco Banderas, Riley Steele, Charles Dera, Abbey Brooks, Rhylee Richards, Brea Lynn, Tommy Gunn, Evan Stone, James Deen, Manuel Ferrara, Mick Blue, Ben English

Monday, April 20, 2009

Random Thoughts on The 2009 AVN Award Show


Thanks to The Gore-Gore Girl, I was able to catch the 2009 AVN Award Show on Showtime on the first go round. Last year, I missed it and it was months before they replayed it.

Below are just some of my random thoughts, in no certain order, on this year's show. If some other thoughts come to mind, I'll add them later:

Two major names that seemed to be absent from winning any awards: Randy Spears and Stormy. Both very talented individuals in the porn industry.

Winner of Best Male Actor: Evan Stone....Evan is great as long as he is portraying a character who is self absorbed and he can ham it up....but best male actor overall....I don't think so.....However, he seemed so damned grateful to win, that I don't begrudge him his award.

Why do they insist on having a terrible musical number? Do they think that without a bad musical number that they're not having a real awards show?

Larry Flynt on the state of Porn Movies not being put out of business by the internet: "As long as we remain excellent at what we do, we're gonna be around." This translates to me as Porn with a plot......THANKS LARRY...I'M GLAD YOU AGREE WITH ME :-)

I really don't need shots of women making out in the audience....is this for the soft core people watching on Showtime? Also, I don't need Flavor Flav trying to get in a camera shot that has nothing to do with him.

James Deen wins Male performer of the year, but is a no show on stage....I couldn't figure out why until I saw his quote on the AVN page ""I can have sex in front of a room full of people, but I can't get up on stage and say thank you."

Jessica Drake is a classy looking lady..... but her outfit..UGH......she said she was dressed as an angel, as a nod to her role in Fallen. Sorry, it looked more like some type of chicken outfit.

As long as I'm on fashion:

Monique Alexander...looked great in her fuschia and black Barbie Doll party dress.

Belladonna....I'm not sure what the outfit was, it was just bad.

Paul Thomas...decided to go for the slob look

Evan Stone....wild outfit that only Evan could pull off.

Bree Olson....prom dress....didn't she wear something similar last year?

Penny Flame...looked like she decided to dress as Heidi....plus she appeared so drunk/stoned that the host Thea Vidale finally had to calm her down.

In case you want to catch the broadcast, below are some upcoming times:

On Showtime: 04/30/09 at 12:30 AM
On Showtime Showcase: 05/01/09 at 12:00 AM
On Showtime Too: 05/03/09 at 1:30 AM
On Showtime Showcase: 05/07/09 at 3:50 AM