NURSE MONIQUE

Nurse Monique starring Monique Alexander, Jenna Presley, Chris Cannon, Nick Manning, Lexi Love, Justin Magnum, Katarina Kat and directed by Chuck Lords (Paul Thomas)

The Plot: Monique is a small town girl who fantasizes about porn star Dr. Dick (Nick Manning). Her drug dealing husband (Chris Cannon) hates it when Monique watches Dr. Dick movies. When Monique witnesses her husband being killed she flips out and takes off for "Porno Land" in order to find Dr. Dick....but her husband's killers are right behind her.


: Nurse Monique is a movie that is better than it has a right to be. There are several things which are just plain bad, but there's just enough right with the movie to make it an enjoyable viewing. Most of the bad elements center around occurrences which only happen in the world of porn.


Probably, the worst problem with Nurse Monique is some/most of the sex scenes are "forced" into the plot (Hey, I know it's porn, but some logic still needs to apply). The stupidest one being when Chris Cannon has been kidnapped by a pair of mobster enforcers (Katarina Kat and Justin Magnum). Cannon takes them back to his house where he waits patiently in the bedroom while Katarina and Justin have sex in the living room. Katarina then comes into the bedroom, has sex with him and then kills him by ??? ......I won't spoil that part of the plot. Speaking of Katarina Kat her accent changes from scene to scene and sometimes within the same scene. Last, but certainly not the least thing that is wrong with Nurse Monique, is when the "fourth wall" is broken at the end of the film. It's out of place and nowhere near as clever as the director probably thought it was....then again this ain't Shakespeare we're dealing with here.


Moving on to the good elements in Nurse Monique: Justin Magnum as one of the kidnappers does an accent which makes him sound like Borat. It was such a stupid choice that it was funny to me. Next, Paul Thomas did something in Nurse Monique that I haven't seen in modern XXX features - During a fairly long driving sequence, with Monique on her way to "Porno Land", an original song played in the background. This was a nice nod to the Golden Age of Porn, with which the director Paul Thomas is very familiar. One final note on what elevated Nurse Monique for me, was Monique Alexander herself. Not only is Monique able to actually act, but she always appears to really be enjoying her sex scenes, an oddity in most XXX features. I'm not really recommending Nurse Monique to anyone, but for me, the good elements outweighed the bad and I'm rating the movie a C+

WRITER'S BULLPEN

The first scene of the movie we see is one that is supposed to have been written by Tommy Gunn and Chris Cannon. It's a milkman (Mr. Pete) delivering milk to Alexis Texas, and as usual in a XXX movie, the milkman delivers a lot more than milk. The owner of the movie company is fed up with such bad scripts Tommy and Chris have been turning in, like the milkman scene; so he brings in his top contract star, Kaylani Lei, who is going to show them how to write a decent XXX script. The trio then plows through different ideas for stories. These story ideas are visualized and set up as the subsequent sex scenes in the movie.

Kaylani first writes a caveman scene starring herself with Rocco Reed. This is followed by Kagney Lynn Karter in an outer space scene with Kagney bringing two cavemen ( Anthony Rosano & John West) aboard her spaceship. Events continue to get mixed together as two cowboys (Tommy and Chris) meet up with cavewoman Kaylani, which is followed by a final scene in a lab with a scientist (Chris Johnson) with Alektra Blue and Kaylani Lei.

While some of those scenes sound like they might be fun to watch, the humor is always the forced over the top "look how funny we can be" type. The use of really cheap sets for each of the scenes is used to further illustrate how clever they are and that they know they're writing schlock. The trouble is, nothing struck me as really funny and the cheap sets just looked.....well, Cheap! Jonathan Morgan comedy XXX movies are usually great productions with lots of laughs and good acting; but in the case of Writer's Bullpen, he just made a movie as bad as the ones he's lampooning. I've seen worse comedy porno movies, but not many, I'm rating this one a D and I probably would have rated it even lower, but since it was short (89 minutes) I moved it up a grade.

Writer's Bullpen starring Alektra Blue, Alexis Texas, Kaylani Lei, Kagney Linn Karter, Anthony Rosano, Rocco Reed, Chris Johnson, Tommy Gunn, Chris Cannon, Mr Pete, John West and directed by Jonathan Morgan