Saturday, August 27, 2011


Twins Do Science starring Lacey Love, Lyndsey Love, James Deen, Jack Lawrence, Brooke, Daisy, Steven St. Croix, Frank Bukkwyd and directed by Paul Thomas

The Plot: Dim-witted twins Lacey and Lyndsey Love have been living off their grandpa for years. When he dies they think they have it made, but to their disappointment they find they have to work in the field of science for a year before they can inherit his money. On top of that, they won't get an allowance, but will have to live off whatever they earn.

Their first assignment is to pick up some semen samples which, of course, they manage to lose. They call up some friends to help them collect some more samples - too bad they didn't know what they lost was bull semen and NOT human semen.

: Twins Do Science had the look and feel of a cheaply made cable TV "young teen" production. The bad acting of The Love Twins was a good fit, since they were suppose to be a couple of air-heads (heck, who knows, maybe they weren't acting). The main problem with Twins Do Science was the sex scenes. Twins Do Science could have been a fairly enjoyable light-hearted sex romp of a movie, but The Twins were incapable of any type of realistic performances during their sex scenes. At one point, one of The Twins actually takes time to look at her watch. Who knew a porno could be ruined by the sex scenes?

Twins Do Science
ended with the plot leading you to believe this would be the first in a series - I shudder to think there could have been a Twins Do Science 2. Twins Do Science would rate an F-, but since there were a couple of funny scenes (with the opening scene being the standout) and the movie had its own catchy theme song "Twins Twins Everybody Wins", I'm going to rate this one a D-

Tuesday, August 23, 2011


This Ain't Two and A Half Men XXX starring Evan Stone, James Deen, Brooke Lee Adams, Dylan Ryder, Jamey Jane, Jenna Presley, Madison Ivy, Eric John, Patrick J Knight and directed by Marc Star

The Plot: Alan (James Deen) is despondent to the point of suicide about his ex-girlfriend moving in with his ex-wife. Since Charlie (Evan Stone) is currently having sex with Alan's ex-girlfriend's mother, he tells Alan he'll get her to speak to her daughter.

: This Ain't Two and A Half Men XXX started with a lot of promise and it appeared this was going to be a really good porn parody, even if it did have that cheaply made look which has become common with some of these lesser parodies. Unfortunately, after the initial opening scene, the movie deteriorated into a string of sex scenes held together by only very brief dialogue/plot scenes.

The second sex scene in the movie is a solo masturbation scene with Alan's ex-girlfriend Kandi (Jenna Presley) who, we are suppose to believe, thinks a dildo is a back massager...WTF....this scene might have played IF this was some type of period parody, but to think Kandi is THAT dumb takes a big stretch of anyone's imagination.

Brooke Lee Adams playing the part of Charlie's stalker Rose is a pretty good looking "ringer" for the part and I give her points for trying to to sound and act like Rose from the TV show. Too bad whatever she thinks TV Rose sounds like is so far off it's actually distracting listening to her(She admits in the behind the scenes she's only seen the show a couple of times).

In case you wonder about the "half-man" (a term which reminds me how they often refer to Peter Dinklage in Game of Thrones - an HBO series with so much sex, it appears it's ready made for a parody), he shows up in the last scene and makes of point of mentioning he's 18 (thus legitimizing him being in a XXX movie, albeit without a sex scene). The only saving graces to This Ain't Two and A Half Men XXX are the two lead actors, Stone and Deen. Their opening and closing scenes showed the two actors giving it their best try, but two scenes do not make a good parody, I rate this one D+

Friday, August 19, 2011


Official Psycho Parody starring Sara Sloane, Ryan McLane,Breanne Benson, Dane Cross, Eric Masterson, Francesca Le, Kagney Linn Karter, Katie Jordan, Lee Stone, Mark Wood, Michael Vegas, Tabitha Stevens and directed by Gary Orona

The Plot: In case there is anyone who hasn't seen the original Psycho (Is that possible?), here's a short plot summary - Woman wants to marry her boyfriend, but he wants to wait until they have some money set aside, since he is financially strapped. She steals cash from her employer and leaves town. She stops at a run down motel run by Norman Bates, who just happens to be a Psycho.

: First things first, even though this movie is titled Official Psycho Parody (I guess to distinguish it from any Unofficial one) this is not really a parody. Official Psycho Parody is what the big mainstream movie studios would call a re-imagining of an original movie. In this case, it just happens to be re-imagined as a porn movie.

Official Psycho Parody takes the basic premise as discussed in the plot summary above, then creatively comes up with its own interpretation of the main character, Norman Bates. The movie opens with titles and music very similar to the original Psycho. This sequence is in black and white, but as the movie begins it turns to color. [There is a black and white version on the extras disc OR you can just turn your color off, if you want to see Official Psycho Parody in black and white ala the original movie. Personally, the color didn't bother me.] Since Sara Sloane (a good casting choice for the Janet Leigh part) and her boyfriend are already in a hotel room at the start, I expected a sex scene but, to my surprise, the movie kept going and skipped that first sex scene many features insist on including, which can bog a plot down from the get-go.

After Sara goes back to the office, we get the plot set-up with her receiving money from one of her boss's clients, which she is supposed to take to the bank. Instead she steals the money, leaving town to meet her boyfriend and start a new life. Along the way she gets off the main road and stops at The Bates Motel, where she meets the proprietor Norman Bates (Ryan McLane, another good casting choice since McLane is able to to bring a certain twitchy creepiness to his role, reminding me of Anthony Perkins in Psycho). At this point the plot of Official Psycho Parody starts to deviate, for the most part, from the original Psycho with only the necessary inclusion of the shower scene.

I'm not going to spoil any more of the movie by going into further detail about the plot of Official Psycho Parody. I will just say it was wonderful to see someone put some thought and creativity into what could have been another run-of-the-mill endeavor. Although the plot makes logical sense and progresses from start to finish, the weakness of Official Psycho Parody comes when a couple of the sex scenes are inserted into the movie. Of the five sex scenes, two are logical, one borders on being logical and two are so illogical they almost seem as though the director is saying "wink wink nudge nudge" we're in a porn movie and now it's time for sex.

Even though it's played straight, the storyline/dialogue has a fair amount of humor with a few laugh out loud moments. A special mention should be made of Tabitha Stevens, who appears in a non-sex role in a couple of flashback sequences as Norman Bates' mother. She gives a superb over-the-top melodramatic performance.

The director, Gary Orona, understood using a minimalistic approach with music to create dramatic tension throughout Official Psycho Parody (Hmm, I wonder who he learned that from...oh yeah, that Hitchcock fellow) and how to use the right type of music. Considering all of the above, plus the great sets and the period costuming of the characters, Orona and his wife Stevens did a terrific job with Official Psycho Parody. If the sex scenes had been more fully integrated into the story line, I could have rated the movie a little bit higher; however, it still gets an A- from me.

Wednesday, August 17, 2011


L.A. Unforgiven starring Julie Meadows, Evan Stone, Herschel Savage, Chris Cannon, Tina Cheri, Michael J. Cox, Ryan Conner, Cheyanne, Sammie and directed by Francios Clousot

The Plot: L.A. Unforgiven takes its basic plot from Chinatown - a private detective is hired to snoop on a local big time realty developer by who he is led to believe is the developer's wife. He finds the husband cheating and leaks this news to the local newspaper causing a big scandal. Then, the real wife shows up and threatens to sue the private detective.

: L.A. Unforgiven had an odd mixture of 40's noir combined with the year 2000 (when the movie was filmed). Some of the sets and costuming were more in line with the 40s, while at the same time there were outside shots of modern Los Angeles and current day automobiles. The plot was more 40's driven than modern day, since really who's getting all that upset today about a real estate developer having an affair....besides his wife. The male actors had the right suits and hats, but sported pony tails. The females in the movie had good looking 4o's style dresses, but also had bad implants and stripper shoes right out of the late 90's/early 2000's. Even with all of the above stated differences, the director, Francios Clousot, was able to make the story work by having his actor/performers be believable in their roles and never mentioning when the movie was occurring.

None of the acting was outstanding enough to be mentioned, but then again, no one was bad enough to be singled out either. Most of the sex scenes were placed logically into the plot with only one scene having such a quick set-up to appear forced into the storyline. On a side note, the sex scenes weren't mind-numbing long, only running around fifteen minutes.

Francios Clousot does a lot of cinematography for other XXX movies and in L.A. Unforgiven he has some deft camera work throughout the movie involving shadows, definitely a nod to 40's black and white noir, where shadows were an integral part of the film. After watching this movie, I think if someone gave Francious Clousot some serious cash to do a XXX feature, he could really deliver the goods. I give L.A. Unforgiven a B+

Saturday, August 6, 2011


Not The Bradys XXX - Pussy Power starring Lexi Belle, Dylan Riley, James Deen, Ron Jeremy, Mike Horner, Kris Slater, Alana Evans, Mikey Butders, Tanner Mayes, Ashlyn Rae, Nicole Ray, Seth Gamble, Eric John, Lynn Lemay, Rebecca Riley and directed by Will Ryder

The Plot: Jan (Dylan Riley) wants to be popular like her sister Marcia. Her friend Monica (Tanner Mayes) advises her "Your pussy and blow jobs are the key to your success." In other words, she's got Pussy Power between her legs. Jan sets out to discover if her friend is telling her the truth.

: I'm not quite sure why I keep renting these Brady parodies. I rarely watched the original show and have only a superficial feeling for the different characters in the show. I can only assume Will Ryder, as the director, is my main motivation to rent another Brady parody, since when it comes to XXX parodies Ryder is the top man in the genre.

Not The Bradys XXX - Pussy Power had a well written plot (Jan wanting to be as popular as her big sister Marcia) which was similar to the original TV show and contained some great comedic lines. Detail was paid to the sets and the costuming, which always seems to be the case in a Ryder movie. Something I didn't notice on my initial viewing, but thought of later, was the sound was top notch, a failure of many feature porn movies. All the acting was fine in the movie and everyone stayed in character, even if loosely, through their sex scenes.

Each new Brady parody holds less and less interest for me. I enjoyed the first one Not The Bradys XXX, didn't get too much out of the second one Not The Bradys XXX: Marcia Marcia Marcia and got even less out of this third entry. IF you've never seen one of the Brady parodies OR if you're a big fan of the original show, you will probably enjoy this movie more than I did. It probably should rate at least a B+, considering all the good points I mentioned in the previous paragraph, but for me on a personal level, I grade this one C-