Saturday, January 28, 2012


Official Friday The 13th Parody starring Asa Akira, Brooke Lee Adams, Brooklyn Lee, Courtney Cummz, Kagney Linn Karter, Sara Sloane, Carlo Carrera, Kris Slater, Mark Wood, Mr Pete, Rocco Reed, with a non sex appearance by Tabitha Stevens (Mrs Orona) and directed by Gary Orona

The Plot: Kris Slater inherits Crystal Lake Nudist Camp from his grandmother. The new staff arrives on Friday The 13th to prepare for the re-opening.

: I enjoyed Official Friday The 13th Parody the first time I watched it, but after watching it a second time and skipping the sex scenes I realized it was a much better piece of movie making than I had realized on my initial viewing. Gary Orona had previously directed late night cable fare like The Erotic Traveler and Hotel Erotica and mainstream movies like The Bikini Carwash Company II plus a slew of music videos. Official Friday The 13th Parody was one of his first forays into the world of XXX features and it proves a point I often try to make, the director of a XXX feature is the most important element in porn features. Orona, armed with years of experience with his mainstream/soft core fare, shows a deft hand with camera shots and a knowledge of how to create suspense with music, not to mention knowing how to make a coherent plot that works from start to finish.

I only had only a few minor quibbles with Official Friday The 13th Parody: One was an inconsistency in the storyline. We're told the killer has flesh eating jism, but in one scene an arrow through the neck is used as the death device, similar to what you would have seen in the original theatrical movie. Are we to assume there are two killers? or was this just a gaffe in the storyline? Also, I found some the female co-stars in the film to be lacking in their acting ability with their talents lying more in their sexual performances. One final note about something I found sort of odd with the movie was a sequence setting up a sex scene. The trio in this scene were going to play strip Monopoly, however, the two women in the scene had been topless from the start of the movie.

I'm not going to harp on about the sex scenes being too long, but it was evident after my second viewing that they had been long enough to hurt the flow of the film. On the plus side, the sex scenes were all done in a fashion which kept them interesting and, for the most part, generated some heat on screen. Too bad they couldn't have been a little shorter and more integrated into the plot. If they had, this would have been a really great XXX feature. As it stands, I'm grading it a B+, still a decent grade and well worth watching.

Friday, January 13, 2012


Nurse Monique starring Monique Alexander, Jenna Presley, Chris Cannon, Nick Manning, Lexi Love, Justin Magnum, Katarina Kat and directed by Chuck Lords (Paul Thomas)

The Plot: Monique is a small town girl who fantasizes about porn star Dr. Dick (Nick Manning). Her drug dealing husband (Chris Cannon) hates it when Monique watches Dr. Dick movies. When Monique witnesses her husband being killed she flips out and takes off for "Porno Land" in order to find Dr. Dick....but her husband's killers are right behind her.

: Nurse Monique is a movie that is better than it has a right to be. There are several things which are just plain bad, but there's just enough right with the movie to make it an enjoyable viewing. Most of the bad elements center around occurrences which only happen in the world of porn.

Probably, the worst problem with Nurse Monique is some/most of the sex scenes are "forced" into the plot (Hey, I know it's porn, but some logic still needs to apply). The stupidest one being when Chris Cannon has been kidnapped by a pair of mobster enforcers (Katarina Kat and Justin Magnum). Cannon takes them back to his house where he waits patiently in the bedroom while Katarina and Justin have sex in the living room. Katarina then comes into the bedroom, has sex with him and then kills him by ??? ......I won't spoil that part of the plot. Speaking of Katarina Kat her accent changes from scene to scene and sometimes within the same scene. Last, but certainly not the least thing that is wrong with Nurse Monique, is when the "fourth wall" is broken at the end of the film. It's out of place and nowhere near as clever as the director probably thought it was....then again this ain't Shakespeare we're dealing with here.

Moving on to the good elements in Nurse Monique: Justin Magnum as one of the kidnappers does an accent which makes him sound like Borat. It was such a stupid choice that it was funny to me. Next, Paul Thomas did something in Nurse Monique that I haven't seen in modern XXX features - During a fairly long driving sequence, with Monique on her way to "Porno Land", an original song played in the background. This was a nice nod to the Golden Age of Porn, with which the director Paul Thomas is very familiar. One final note on what elevated Nurse Monique for me, was Monique Alexander herself. Not only is Monique able to actually act, but she always appears to really be enjoying her sex scenes, an oddity in most XXX features. I'm not really recommending Nurse Monique to anyone, but for me, the good elements outweighed the bad and I'm rating the movie a C+

Saturday, January 7, 2012


Scooby Doo: A XXX Parody starring Bree Olson, Bobbi Starr, Chad Alva, Michael Vegas, Evan Stone, Lily Labeau and directed by Eddie Powell

The Plot: After a night of partying, Shaggy wakes up to find his buddy Scooby missing. The gang sets out in The Mystery Van to find him and wind up in a spooky old mansion.

:I've seen a lot of really bad porn parodies, let me say that again to stress the fact that I've seen a LOT of really bad porn parodies. Why do I keep watching them? Because....when a good one finally comes along, it seems watching all the other dreck I sat through worth the effort. That's probably not true, but I've got to have some excuse for my obsession with porn parodies.

Getting back on track, Scooby Doo: A XXX Parody is not only one of the good ones, it turned out to be one of the great ones. The story is pitch perfect, mainly because it could have been the plot from any one of the numerous Scooby Doo cartoon episodes; but a story is nothing without good dialogue and Scooby Doo: A XXX Parody succeeds on that level and with actors who can actually deliver their lines.

I think in many parodies the actor/performer isn't familiar with the source material nor the character they are portraying. You can always tell who knows their character and who doesn't. In my opinion, that's why you see someone like Randy Spears or Evan Stone, guys with a few more years on them, shine in parodies, because they've seen the original shows or at least the first round of reruns. All of this is my convoluted way of getting around to saying the cast of Scooby Doo: A XXX Parody are the right age to have grown up with Scooby and The Gang and therefore "get" their characters. Bree Olson as Daphne, Bobbi Starr as Velma, Michael Vegas as Fred are all perfectly cast for their roles and in a "born for the part", Chad Alva IS Shaggy. Throw in Evan Stone and you've got a great cast.

Eddie Powell, before this film, had directed such movies as Fuck For Dollars 2-9, She's Got Big Boobs 1 -3, and There's A Great Big Penis In My Butt. These titles didn't give me much hope when I rented Scooby Doo: A XXX Parody. Eddie Powell turned out to be a the real thing when it comes to directors, with camera shots I haven't seen in any other porn movies and a scene overlaid with a previous scene (sorry, I'm not technical enough to know what this is called) that I'm pretty sure is unique in porn to only this movie (unless Eddie Powell is off doing the same somewhere else). Eddie Powell, of course, has gone on to direct the outstanding XXX movies, Anchorman: A XXX Parody and Love Is A Dangerous Game.

I'm going to stop ranting and just say Scooby Doo: A XXX Parody was good enough that I'll do something I rarely rarely ever do with porn it again. Do yourself a favor, if you like porn parodies or porn comedies, rent or buy Scooby Doo: A XXX Parody today. Without hesitation I grade this one A+.

Wednesday, January 4, 2012


The Twilight Zone Porn Parody starring Jessica Jaymes, Evan Stone, Kylee Reese, Chayse Evans, Kimberly Kane, Eric Swiss, Jack Lawrence, Eric Masterson and directed by Paul Thomas

The Plot: A new couple moves into a neighborhood at the beginning of the sexual revolution and have an effect on the other residents of Venture Lane.... or do they?

: I've seen some complaints that this movie isn't really a parody of The Twilight Zone. It doesn't start with similar music to remind you of the TV show and you don't see the narrator. However, there are some elements reminiscent of the original TV show: There is a voice over at the start and end of the movie, plus it has a very slight twist at the end and presents a moral lesson. I think people tend to forget that not every one of the original TV episodes were gems, some episodes were merely okay and The Twilight Zone Porn Parody would fall into the "okay" category easily.

All the acting was fine in the movie, which should be expected since it starred some of the top talents in the adult industry: Kimberly Kane, Eric Swiss, Evan Stone, and Eric Masterson. My biggest gripe with The Twilight Zone Porn Parody is Paul Thomas went to the trouble to costume the women with period type undergarments and June Cleaver pearls. This was supposed to make you feel it was the late 1950's/early 1960s, but then Thomas cast females with lots of tattoos which just seemed incongruous. I wouldn't go so far as to recommend The Twilight Zone Porn Parody, it's just an average movie and as such rates a C.