Thursday, February 11, 2010


I'm a fan of Cash Markman movies, since they usually have a plot and a lot of comedic dialogue. However, I have often complained that the plots in Markman's movies start to fall apart about halfway through and don't usually get back on track until near the end of the movie. I am happy to report that Missionary Position Impossible does not suffer from what ails his other movies; this one has a coherent plot from start to finish, and of course, lots of great humorous dialogue.

In case you couldn't tell by the title of the movie, Missionary Position Impossible is a spoof of the TV show Mission Impossible. In this porn version, the mission is to stop Senator Blowhard (Mike Horner) who is determined to get rid of all pornography. (Good Luck with that Senator Blowhard!)

The movie starts with Yelps (Steve Austin) getting his mission statement in the back of a porno shop where a peep show is located. The tape recorded message won't self-destruct until the sex scene is over. Yelps masturbates while a couple of girls behind the glass have sex. When he climaxes on the window, the tape burns up and we're ready to move on to the mission.

In the next scene we are introduced to Senator Blowhard, who we find out is actually obsessed with sex (ooh, I think this was a message). During this scene Blowhard has sex in the back of his limo with his campaign manager, Angelica Sin.

Senator Rightly is running against Blowhard and the MPI group decide to have someone dress up like Rightly, film him having sex and give the tape to Blowhard. Since they know Blowhard will broadcast the tape, they will then be able to expose it as a fake and discredit Blowhard. This scene takes place in the front room of the porno shop and I was a little distracted looking at all of the old big box porno vhs tapes that were on the shelves. Where are all of those tapes today....wish I knew, since there were probably lots of classic plot driven old porn movies in the selection.

The next scene has MPI member Rich Handsome pretending to be a masseuse hired for Blowhard's campaign manager, Angelica Sin. While massaging her, she tells him that she knows twenty nine ways to have sex, which of course this being porno, she wants to demostrate. Little does she know that this is being broadcast over the radio to discredit her as Blowhard's campaign manager. Blowhard hears this and demands to be taken back to campaign headquarters.

At his headquarters, he gets into an elevator with Raquel Divine. Little does he know that she is another member of the MPI group. The elevator gets stuck and Blowhard succumbs to Raquel and they have sex in the elevator. I would like to make a note here, that there was a folding chair in the elevator. I know it was placed there for the sex scene, but it was just goofy to have an empty chair in an elevator. The movie ends with the elevator door opening and there is a group of photographers taking pictures, which will of course discredit Blowhard.

One of the best things about Missionary Position Impossible was that all of the sex scenes fit and flowed with the movie, with most of them advancing the plot. Unlike some of today's porn parody/spoofs where most of the sex scenes are inserted into the story just because it's time to have a sex scene.

My only minor complaints are that most of the sex scenes ran on a little bit too long and none of the sex scenes generated much heat between the performers, so I'm giving this one a B+

Missionary Position Impossible starring Angelica Sin, Dee, Kiki Daire, Raquel Devine, Venus Milan, Mike Horner, Rich Handsome, Rod Fontana, Steve Austin and directed by Cash Markman.

Tuesday, February 9, 2010

SEX at 33 1/3

After months of searching, I recently won this flexi-disc (cardboard record) on EBAY.

This was originally inside High Society Magazine in the December 1979 issue.

If you wonder what is on this record, think "phone sex", but in this case, we'll have to call it "Sex at 33 1/3".

If you would like to listen to the record "The Internet Museum Of Flexi/cardboard/oddity Records" Has A Recording HERE (requires real audio)