This Ain't Jaws XXX starring Lily Labeau, Danny Wylde, Phoenix Marie, Rocco Reed, Alexis Ford, Jayden Cole, Darcy Tyler, Dale DaBone, and Evan Stone. Written and Directed by Stuart Canterbury.
The Plot: Porn's take on Spielberg's Jaws.
: This is your average modern day spoof, with enough elements between the LONG sex scenes to be reminiscent of the original Jaws. There's very little here to recommend this movie other than Evan Stone's portrayal of Quint. Evan, as he usually does, "gets" his character. His strongest acting is always best when he can "ham it up", which he certainly does in This Ain't Jaws XXX (I guess you have to add the "XXX" to differentiate it from some movie called "This Ain't Jaws"...as Foghorn Leghorn would say "That's a joke son").
The only other redeeming qualities of This Ain't Jaws XXX are the lovely Lily Labeau was among the cast and the set decorations were done extremely well (Set Construction is credited to XXX Ray - no relation to Mr. X-Ray). I watched the 2-D version, so I can't comment on the 3-D aspects of This Ain't Jaws XXX, but this version definitely rates a C.
Official Friday The 13th Parody starring Asa Akira, Brooke Lee Adams, Brooklyn Lee, Courtney Cummz, Kagney Linn Karter, Sara Sloane, Carlo Carrera, Kris Slater, Mark Wood, Mr Pete, Rocco Reed, with a non sex appearance by Tabitha Stevens (Mrs Orona) and directed by Gary Orona
The Plot: Kris Slater inherits Crystal Lake Nudist Camp from his grandmother. The new staff arrives on Friday The 13th to prepare for the re-opening.
: I enjoyed Official Friday The 13th Parody the first time I watched it, but after watching it a second time and skipping the sex scenes I realized it was a much better piece of movie making than I had realized on my initial viewing. Gary Orona had previously directed late night cable fare like The Erotic Traveler and Hotel Erotica and mainstream movies like The Bikini Carwash Company II plus a slew of music videos. Official Friday The 13th Parody was one of his first forays into the world of XXX featuresand it proves a point I often try to make, the director of a XXX feature is the most important element in porn features. Orona, armed with years of experience with his mainstream/soft core fare, shows a deft hand with camera shots and a knowledge of how to create suspense with music, not to mention knowing how to make a coherent plot that works from start to finish.
I only had only a few minor quibbles with Official Friday The 13th Parody: One was an inconsistency in the storyline. We're told the killer has flesh eating jism, but in one scene an arrow through the neck is used as the death device, similar to what you would have seen in the original theatrical movie. Are we to assume there are two killers? or was this just a gaffe in the storyline? Also, I found some the female co-stars in the film to be lacking in their acting ability with their talents lying more in their sexual performances. One final note about something I found sort of odd with the movie was a sequence setting up a sex scene. The trio in this scene were going to play strip Monopoly, however, the two women in the scene had been topless from the start of the movie.
I'm not going to harp on about the sex scenes being too long, but it was evident after my second viewing that they had been long enough to hurt the flow of the film. On the plus side, the sex scenes were all done in a fashion which kept them interesting and, for the most part, generated some heat on screen. Too bad they couldn't have been a little shorter and more integrated into the plot. If they had, this would have been a really great XXX feature. As it stands, I'm grading it a B+, still a decent grade and well worth watching.
Love Is A Dangerous Game starring Natasha Nice, Richie, Kimberly Kane, Rocco Reed, Xander Corvus, Jack Lawrence, Alyssa Branch, Kelly Klass. Written by Jacky St. James and directed by Eddie Powell
The Plot: Paulina (Natasha Nice - who in my opinion is a "ringer" for Katie Holmes) writes Childrens Books, but is burnt out and wants to move into the world of Horror. She contacts her favorite author (Richie) for advice and a connection develops between the two, even though she is warned that he may be as crazy as some of the characters in his books.
: I had heard good things about New Sensations Romance Series, but was still reluctant to check one of the releases out. I thought they would be along the lines of the mainstream Harlequin and/or Danielle Steele group of movies released several years ago with just some long drawn out sex scenes inserted in the storyline. If Love Is A Dangerous Game is a good representative of this group of films, then I couldn't have been more wrong.
Love Is A Dangerous Game had a logical well written plot. The sex scenes flowed with the natural progression of the movie with one exception (One used a standard porn set-up, so out of place in this movie, that it didn't fit with the rest of the film). Even the sex scenes are shot with a different sensibility, making them much more interesting than your usual "by the number" sex scenes. The sex scenes are even a little shorter than modern day scenes, only running around 15 minutes. The humor sprinkled throughout adds even more in making this such an outstanding movie.
While it appeared the plot was taking an easy way out for a resolution to the story, Jacky St. James was really setting the viewer up for a twist ending. So pay attention, or you'll wind up like me and have to watch the ending a second time to "get it". Love Is A Dangerous Game came close to getting an A+ from me, but due to the one scene, as mentioned in the previous paragraph, I'm giving it an A
Tattle Tale starring Jessica Drake, Rocco Reed, Kirsten Price, Marcus London, Monique Alexander, Randy Spears, Georgia Jones, Dylan Ryder and directed by Francois Clousot
The Plot: Rocco Reed is a reporter for a gossip magazine. He shows Jessica Drake evidence of her father being involved in a ponzi scheme. If she doesn't help him get the dirt on her socialite friends, he'll run it in the magazine. Reluctantly Jessica agrees, but later finds out Reed was mainly interested in saving his magazine from going out of business (I was never clear why this plot point was added late in the movie, since it really didn't add much to the story). There's a small twist at the end of Tattle Tale, but I won't spoil it by revealing it here.
: Tattle Tale had a lot of trouble with its plot. Although the plot was simple, half the time the movie would jump to a scene leaving the viewer left to fill in how we got to that part of the story. I could blame this on either bad editing or a weak storyline. Considering the big reveal of Rocco wanting to save his paper came so late in the movie, I'm guessing the plot wasn't very well thought.
The other weakness of Tattle Tale was the acting. Only Kirsten Price can be commended for her acting. I have seen every actor in this movie previously (except for Georgia Jones) and I know they are more capable than the performances they gave in Tattle Tale.
Francois Clousot's camera work was great as usual and he briefly was able to make the camera "love" Monique Alexander's body. Clousot just didn't sustain it through Monique's entire sex scene as he did with Kirsten Price in the first sex scene in Lies. Speaking of sex scenes, the ones in Tattle Tale ran around 10-15 minutes allowing the movie to flow at a more even pace.
Tattle Tale wound up being a slight disappointment, since with all talent involved - both stars and director - I was expecting much more. Taking into consideration the weak plot and acting I can only give Tattle Tale a C.
It looks like Lee Roy Myers is never going to be able make a parody as good as Will Ryder. I keep thinking that Lee Roy has it in him, but with each successive parody of his that I watch, Lee Roy appears to be unable to get it all together. Big Bang Theory: A XXX Parody (BBT) is no exception to the rule.
I watched the "party" version of BBT, which was almost two hours in length. This is only about 40 minutes shorter than the regular version. The other party versions I have watched clocked in around the 60 minute mark. It's a mystery to me why this party version is so long. There are no "pop shots" which is consistent with other party versions and I'm assuming the sex scenes are somewhat shorter; but most of the sex scenes in this version still clock in at the 20-25 minute mark, I can't imagine how long they must be in the original version.
The movie begins on a bad note as we find Leonard ( Joey Brass) imagining a slutty Princess Leia (Briana Blair). So instead of story, we immediately get the first sex scene. In a XXX porn feature, I think the normal audience for this type of film (which includes me) is interested in story with sex....NOT sex with story. Even though it was a pretty decent sex scene (that included one terrific camera shot from overhead), I had already hit FF a couple of times. I really shouldn't have been too surprised since Lee Roy often starts his parodies with this method of movie making.
Luckily, when we get to the story, written by Bensen Hearst, I found a very decent Big Bang plot with very sharply written lines that for the most part fit the characters. Whoever Bensen Hearst is could easily be a writer on the real CBS show, that's how good the writing is in BBT. It seems that Comic Con is going to be in town, but the guys didn't get tickets; however Leonard has made some counterfeit tickets on his computer. To see if they will pass for the real thing, they decide to go to the comic book store and show them to the other nerds (a plot point that was never played out). On the way out the door, they see their neighbor Penny (Ashlynn Brooke) bent over locking her door. This was very reminiscent of the CBS show where Penny always seems, for the most part, to be unaware of her sexiness (OR at least pretends to be). It should be noted that in BBT, Ashlynn had the same body language as Penny from the TV show. Either this was deliberate on Ashlynn's part and she should be commended OR it was just a darn lucky accident that Ashlynn deports herself in the same manner.
Penny has a couple of neighbor girls (Kristina Rose & Halie James) over to her apartment and I guess I don't have to tell you that they're not there to make a quilt! Little do the girls know that when Howard (Vin Vericose) was repairing Penney's computer he installed a camera he could hack into. "Luckily", for the movie, Penny must have the computer trained on her bed, since the guys are watching all of the action across the hall on their computer. I will have to say this was a very hot g/g/g scene for the first 3/4 of the scene. However, when the director started posing the trio (I assume, in order to get better shots for the camera), the FF button became my friend once again.
We next find Raj (Gabriel D'Alessandro) and Sheldon (Rocco Reed) in the cafeteria at work where they are wishing they could get access to a certain computer controlled by Leslie Winkle (Beverly Hills). She agrees to give them computer access, if they will have sex with her....which of course they do....right there in the cafeteria.....WTF, this was so unbelievable that it removed me from the story and made the whole scene uninteresting. Would it have been that hard to have them move to another set - i.e. an office or lab?
In the meantime, Howard has picked up a girl (Charley Chase) and taken her home. They are in his bedroom and just like on the TV show Howard's mother is yelling to "keep it down" and "no more sleepovers". Surprisingly, we never hear another peep out ouf his mother, despite all the noise that's made during the sex scene. This could have been a lot funnier scene, IF Howard's mother would have continued to yell at different intervals.
Penny skipped the first day of Comic Con. When the guys come home dressed in their costumes, they find Penny dressed in the costume that she plans to wear the next day. Penny then takes Leonard into her bedroom for the final sex scene, which is the end of the movie.
BBT had a laugh track that DID NOT fit. It sounded more like the laugh track from Three's Company or Not Married With Children with the audience "whooping" it up at regular intervals. Most of the sex scenes fit ok with the plot, with the exception of the cafeteria scene. The sex scenes were of course too long, but everyone seemed, more or less, to stay in character during their sex scenes and most of the scenes generated some heat.
Speaking of the characters, Sheldon is the character least like his TV counterpart. On the TV show, Sheldon is Super Nerd among the nerds. There probably could have been some great comedy mined from this fact if his character had been written a little more accurately. As it is, in BBT he just seems no different than the other three nerds. I personally think that they should have had Sheldon as a non-sex role, but as The Dude would say: "Hey Man..That's Just Like Your Opinion"
There really wasn't a weak actor among the cast (which is often the case), but Gabriel D'Alessandro, while not looking like Raj, had the performance that stood out as just a little bit better than everyone else's. I usually get to pick one person in these parodies who gets stuck with the bad wig, but the wig on Howard, pretty much looked like the bad hair that Howard has on the TV show. Although the plot was skimpy, it could easily have been a plot from the TV show (which is character driven anyway), and as I previously stated, the comic writing was great. Maybe someday Lee Roy will get everything right and move up to the level of Will Ryder, as it is, it looks like he must be comfortable with being a runner up. I rate this one a B-
From the back of the box: "Will a little white lie lead police investigators to uncover the truth about Vicki (Kirsten Price)? Or will they discover a twisted tale of betrayal at the hands of her best friend Felecia (Alektra Blue)...one girl is dead, but which one? ... Full DescriptionIt's up to the police to expose a web of lies and uncover the dark secrets of these two friends..."
As the police detectives try to solve the case in this murder mystery, we have a series of possible suspects brought in for questioning. Each of these suspects has an alibi proving that they couldn't have done it, because they were having sex at the time. Each suspect has a flashback sequence and these compose the sex scenes in the movie.
Lies is surprisingly short (86 minutes) and since the movie contains five sex scenes, none of the sex scenes run so long that they start to become boring, which is always a plus for me. In the first sex scene between Tommy Gunn and Kirsten Price, the director Francois Clousot, really lets the camera "love" Kirsten Price's body, making this one of the better erotic sex scenes I have seen in a XXX movie in quite some time. Unfortunately, the rest of the sex scenes in Lies were pretty much your standard issue.
Lies is filled with some of the top actor/performers in the porn genre and while everyone is good, no one really stood out. The plot while not unique to mainstream movies was fairly novel for a XXX feature. The use of flashbacks to include the sex scenes made them fit coherently with the plot and as mentioned above were short enough not to grind the story to a halt. Taking all of these things into consideration, I'm grading this one a solid B
Lies starring Alektra Blue, Jessica Drake, Rayveness, Kirsten Price, Rocco Reed, Tommy Gunn, Eric Masterson, Barrett Blade and directed by Francios Clousot
