Love At First Byte

The plot: Aurora Snow is trying to develop the perfect man on her computer with a program she got from Steven St. Croix. Meanwhile on the TV in the room there is a porno playing (which is actually the first sex scene).

Keri Windsor, one of Aurora's roommates is planning to go to the big game with Joel Lawrence; but an approaching thunderstorm gets the game delayed and Keri and Joel wind up in the bedroom. As an aside, when Joel Lawrence first appears in the movie, he is in a coat and tie and Mrs. X-Ray said he looked remarkably like Tim Geithner, our current Secretary of the Treasury and I would definitely agree. I don't think anyone will be doing a White House spoof that would require a Tim Geithner look-a-like, but if they did, Joel Lawrence would definitely be the man for the part.

Lightning strikes Aurora's computer and her creation comes out of the computer as Evan Stone. Asia Carrera, Aurora's other roommate, volunteers to try him out.

At this point, the plot lost its way a little bit, since we get a segment where no one is home but the cleaning girl, April, when Randy Spears arrives. It seems one of the girls wanted to hire a male stripper, so April gets to do the "auditioning".

Now back to the plot, it seems that Evan has gone flacid and Aurora calls her friend Steven St. Croix for help and he tells her to come on over. In the meantime, Steven is busy bringing a couple of sex dolls to life for his own pleasure.

We find out that Evan is not really a computer generated man but a being from another dimension and at the end of the movie Aurora gets to have sex with her "perfect" man.

One thing interesting about this movie is that Evan Stone doesn't get to wear any type of costume. I recently read somewhere that stated people went into porno for the money or for the sex, but Evan must have gone into porno for the costumes. And if you take note of his appearances in most of his movies, he generally has some type of costume, even if it is just a hat.

This is a movie that I shouldn't like, since there isn't really much of a plot. However, the short segments of plot are very well written with some great humorous lines. Plus, this movie contains something I usually don't focus on - The Sex Scenes. Most of the performers looked more involved in the sex than what I normally see in pornos. I would really like to grade this movie a B+, but since the plot was so short, I am grading it a solid B.

Love at First Byte starring Asia Carrera, Aurora Snow, Keri Windsor, Nikita Denise, Holly Hollywood, April, Mia Smiles, Evan Stone, Steven St. Croix, Joel Lawrence, Randy Spears and Chris Cannon and directed by Bud Lee.

The Internet Killed The Porno Plot

My title for this post is a nod to MTV when the first video they played was "Video Killed The Radio Star". The article below should be of interest to anyone who reads this blog.

Lights, Camera, Lots of Action. Forget the Script.

INNER BLUES

From the liner notes:: Inner blues is a rarity in adult productions. It is lavish. It is wild. And it's got the live, hard driven pulsating metal music by Gutz. The action revolves around "Club 64" -- the bar where the pick-ups are made -- the stage where the young and beautiful looking-for-stardom hopefuls perform -- and the main floor where the gyrating, undulating crowds rock to the beat in sensual heat! The main participants are Lauren, starry-eyed, vulnerable and incredibly desirable, waiting for a big break as a dancer and her boyfriend Bruce, a drug-weary musician down with the blues. Giving brilliant performances in these parts are the wonderful Taija Rae, the handsome Jerry Butler, the outrageous Frankie Leigh, the villainous Viper and William Margold as Rocky. If you're looking for some superior film viewing -- and listening -- catch the beat, the sensual heat of inner blues. It will rock you off your feet!

I just love the liner notes, this sounds like one hell of a movie. Unfortunately, it doesn't live up to its description. This isn't that much of a surprise, since the jacket notes were put there to sell the movie. However, it's a pretty decent movie with a plot that actually makes sense.

Here's how I saw the plot: Taija Rae bartends at Club 64 and wants to be one of the strippers. However, the boss insists on having sex with anyone who wants to strip and Taija will not consent. Taija is also taking care of her musician boyfriend, Jerry Butler, who doesn't have a job and is suppose to stay off dope. But while Taija is at work, Jerry snorts coke and has sex with Viper. Taija conceives a Ladies Night at the club and in a somewhat weird twist, she books the metal band GUTZ, instead of Jerry. She does promise Jerry that he will be able to play there later. GUTZ plays and Taija carries around a guitar and strips (just like an old MTV video, but with nudity). Margold is seen hiring a new bartender at the end of the movie, since he has decided that Taija can perform on stage from now on.

A few additional comments from Mr. X-Ray:

Taija does a great acting job and is believable throughout the movie.

Jerry Butler is a pretty good actor. You can pretty much always count on the fact that he is going to give a porn performance everything he has in his acting repertoire. He always reminds me of a small town community theatre actor. My trouble is that after reading his biography Raw Talent, I can always see Jerry "acting".

Viper was way ahead of her time with a tattoo of a snake poised to strike her left nipple, that morphs into a tiger composed of interlaced skulls across her belly, and finally reanimates as a snake snapping at her clitoris.


Inner Blues directed by Vincent Rossi and starring: Jerry Butler, Taija Rae, William Margold, Viper, Kim Acosta, Tami Lee Curtis, Frankie Leigh, Sharon Kane, Billy Dee

JANE BOND Meets OCTOPUSSY

After watching the last two modern "serious pornos", I decided maybe I needed to dip back into the classics for something with a little humor. Jane Bond Meets Octopussy sounded like a good title and the spoofing of a spy movie would probably be fairly humorous. Well, guess what.....I was wrong again.

The movie is about Octopussy having a ray that turns women into sluts and weakens men. Jane Bond goes undercover to get inside Octopussy's mansion. When she arrives she finds that headquarters has mistakenly assigned a file clerk to be Jane's backup. After a few adventures and sex scenes at the house, Jane is found out, but before Octopussy can kill her, she zaps Octopussy with her own sex ray.

Now even with this skimpy plot, there should have been room for some humor, but those lines were few and far between. The tip off that this movie was badly written is near the first, when the file clerk (who wears sparkles in her hair) is asked her undercover name, she says "Tiffany"........WTF.......no one could think of a funny spoof name? Well, at least the sparkles were cool!

The movie wasn't a complete waste of time, I mean I didn't have to do any FF and I wasn't bored; I was just disappointed, since I was expecting a lot more from this classic porno than it could deliver.

OCTOPUSSY - directed by Jack Remy and starring: Amber Lynn, Porsche Lynn, Kristara Barrington, Lorrie Lovett, Blondie, Mauvis DeNoire, Tony Romano, Gary Barker, Randy West

FALLEN or 1/2 of A Review for 1/2 of A MOVIE

Since Fallen was has a running time of nearly 3 hours, I decided to split it into 2 viewings of 1 ½ hours. The movie starts with Jenna Haze and Brad Armstrong in a sex scene. Jenna leaves and takes the elevator, which crashes. Jessica Drake was the angel assigned to watch her but when she arrives at the apartment house she finds the door is locked and she can't get in to prevent Jenna from being killed in the elevator crash. This does seem like awful sloppy angel work and, if I understand the plot correctly, Jessica is stripped of her wings and has to live among the mortals for her error.

This leads us to Jessica sometime in the future and she is living a carnal life and going to an orgy....I think we are supposed to believe she wants to feel something in her existence. The only thing I felt was I was watching an overly long unnecessary scene that really had nothing to do with the movie....Thank Goodness for the FF button.

The next day Brad Armstrong "bumps" into Jessica, but she fails to recognize him. This is just setting the plot for a future meeting. Next up is a sex scene where Jessica meets a couple of cops and has sex with Randy Spears on the hood of the cop car. The next day she meets Brad again and they make a date. At the end of the date, they have sex and the next morning Jessica finally figures out that Brad was Jenna's boyfriend. After this, an upset Jessica convinces Herschel Savage to let her ride around on the top of his cab (maybe it makes her feel like a flying angel) in exchange for sex.

As far as I remember this was about the half way mark and as I'm typing this, I realize how weak the plot is in this movie, even though it didn't seem that bad when I was watching it. On the plus side for the movie: there was some outstanding camera work, some of the best I've ever seen in a porno. And Jessica Drake really did a good acting job in the movie.

So, a little time elapsed and I started watching the rest of the movie and I was BORED, BORED, BORED.....maybe I thought the first part of the movie was better since I had just finished watching Cry Wolf and was glad to see something....anything else. What happens in the second part? I did so much FF that I can only tell you there is some tattooing, motorcycling, and camping, some more camping, and of course sex scenes. I have read that there is a surprise ending, but I couldn't even make it that far...if anyone wants to add the ending in the comments box, please feel free to do so.


Fallen - directed by Brad Armstrong and starring: Jenna Haze, Jessica Drake, Shyla Stylez, Jada Fire, Alektra Blue, Jenaveve Jolie, Gianna Lynn, Jennifer Dark, Lana Croft, Ryder Skye, Derrick Pierce, Angie Savage, Niko, Marcus London, Hunter Bryce, Barry Scott, Michelle Mc Claren, Tommy Gunn, Randy Spears, Herschel Savage, Brad Armstrong, Eric Masterson, Barrett Blade.

CRY WOLF

I had delayed reviewing Cry Wolf since one of my favorite reviewers GORE-GORE GIRL had given it such a great review. I thought that if I let some time pass, my outlook on Cry Wolf might change. You should definitely read her review for a different outlook from mine. And since she goes over the plot, I won't attempt to here.



I just didn't like the movie and I really don't have any good reasons not to like Cry Wolf. Since there were a lot of good things about the movie:

1. Monique Alexander is the lead actress and she carries the movie as good as any mainstream actress. Her performance in act one is one of the best that I have ever seen in a porn movie and would hold up in a mainstream movie.

2. Mr. Marcus, the lead actor was also very capable in his acting. Actually all the actors/actresses in the movie were well qualified with their acting chops.

3. Monique Alexander has one of the best natural bodies in current porn movies.

4. Steven St. Croix is in the movie. One of the better porn actors that always seems to add something to any role he plays.

5.The sex scenes weren't overly long.

6. Cry Wolf is very well plotted. Remember a porn movie has to include sex scenes, this usually causes the plot to be weaker, since it doesn't leave as much time in a standard two hour movie. That is why you will find some of the better plotted porns running into the three hour mark. But Cry Wolf delivers on plot and sex and all in just over two hours.

7. The Direction is top rate.

But despite all of these things, the movie didn't do it for me. I know I'm looking for plots in porn movies, and as I stated this was well plotted. The only thing that threw the plot off a little bit, for me, was at the end of act one, one of the twists that is going to come later in the movie is telegraphed.

Another thing that threw me off was the juxtaposition of scenes. There would be a well developed scene with plot and sex and then it seemed that each one of these scenes would be followed by a standard porn scene. I saw some speculation on the web that Paul Anderson didn't direct this movie. However, I have no doubt that Paul Anderson (who once remarked that he wanted to be the "Orson Welles of Porn") did the direction. There could be a possibility that he left some of the weaker scenes to someone else to direct.

I don't know, I just didn't like the movie. I thought maybe it was because Mr. X-Ray usually likes a little bit of comedy in his porn....and Cry Wolf is deadly serious(Vivid calls it a psychodrama)......but I'm currently about half way through Fallen, which is primarily a drama and it is a lot more interesting.

Changing the pace from the serious to funny, I'm including the below Monique Alexander video from YouTube.

ON THE COVER of THE ROLLING STONE

Ok, Sasha Grey didn't really make the cover of The Rolling Stone, actually, her name didn't even make the cover, just the title of the article "The Dirtiest Girl in Porn".

I imagine this article was published because of Sasha's upcoming roll in Steven Soderbergh's The Girlfriend Experience.

Anyway, I just wanted to give a "heads up" to any readers of this blog, since I thought the article would be of interest to them.


Although, you can't read The Dirtiest Girl In Porn" online, you can read The Story Behind The Story. The most interesting part of "The Story Behind The Story" are the online comments.

THIS AIN'T THE MUNSTERS

When the movie begins, you will probably say WTF, I thought this was going to be a parody porno and it looks like I'm just getting some kind of compilation tape with sex scenes, but hold on to the end of the first scene for a surprise. After that the titles will begin and you will get to the rest of the movie. The plot centers around each of the characters and has lots of "The Munsters" type humor.

After a sort of an introduction to The Munsters, as they come together in the living room (or maybe it's the dead room), we find that Marilyn's long-distance boyfriend has just shown up in town. Next, we discover that Eddie - the guitarist for a popular rock band (a nod to the original Eddie (Butch Patrick) and his band Eddie and The Monsters) - has just had one of his sex tapes released to the public. Finally and most importantly, we learn that Herman and Lily's wedding anniversary is coming up. This wedding anniversary is the biggest part of the storyline, as Herman is wanting to make this special day one to remember for his dear wife. With the help of Grandpa's science skills and with a little black-market haggling Herman is able to find just the right thing for their anniversary.

While this is not the most complicated plot you are going to find, the humor is spot on "Munster" humor and the movie contains a lot of laughs. For some reason, in all the hullabaloo over Not The Bradys, This Ain't The Partridge Family, etc., this one doesn't seem to get as much notice as those movies, but I found this to be one of the better TV parodies. I mean - come on - where else are you going to get green on green sex!

All the actors do a good job in portraying their characters; the standout is Lee Stone as Herman. He does a great job of staying in character as Herman throughout the movie, even during his sex scene.

I would definitely recommend This Ain't The Munsters to anyone that likes some comedy with their porn. And if you really want your TV to look like the original Munsters, there is an option to watch the movie in black and white.

This Ain't The Munsters XXX directed by Anton Slayer and starring Aiden Starr, Evan Stone, Gavin Wells, Jenna Haze, Lee Stone, Mick Blue, Roxy Deville, Sammie Rhodes, Shawna Lenee, Trent Soluri, Victoria Sin, Voodoo, Whitney Stevens

WHACK JOB

The Basic Plot: Roxy Deville is a spoiled mafia princess who discovers her boyfriend Darren in bed with another woman. When her mafia father (Paul Allen) refuses to put a hit out on the cheating boyfriend, Roxy takes matters into her own hands. She promises Tommy Gunn that she will have sex with him, if he kills her boyfriend. Tommy enlists the help of a fellow goon; but they both turn out to be bumbling idiots and manage to screw up every attempt they make at the hit. They're so bad, that they eventually have to be rescued by the very man they are trying to kill.

Roxy Deville gives a great performance as the spoiled Mafia Princess and Tommy Gunn does an adequate job of playing the bumbling hit man. In my opinion, Tommy Gunn is better when he is cast as a menacing character. In Whack Job, he is definitely playing against type. The real standout among all the actors was Paul Allen in his non-sex role as the Mafia Don. Probably because of his voice, he reminded me of the comedian Bobby Slayton.

I will have to give credit to Stormy for one well shot and interesting scene in the movie: the group sex scene, with a lot of overhead shots to capture the "action".

I had looked forward to this movie, since it was written and directed by Stormy. I had previously seen Stormy's: Operation Desert Stormy(one of the better comic porn videos), Sleeping Around, For Love Money or A Green Card, and Gossip, and enjoyed all of them. However, this one was just mildly amusing and I mean MILDLY. The plot was thin and the writing struggled trying to deliver laughs. After seeing Whack Job, this has put me off renting any more Stormy directed movies in the near future, with the exception of the future Operation Tropical Stormy, the sequel to Operation Desert Stormy; hopefully, that sequel will not be a let down like the sequel of Pirates.

Directed and written by Stormy and starring Kaylani Lei, Roxy Deville, Gianna Lynn, Veronica Rayne, Nikki Rhodes, Lexi Lamour, Derrick Pierce, Tony de Sergio, Alexa Jordan, Jack Vegas, Ethan Cage, Tommy Gunn, Mr. Pete

Pirates: Stagnetti's Revenge

Here's the basic plot: The story picks up with pirate hunters Edward (Evan Stone) and Jules (Jesse Jane), who having routed the sadistic Stagnetti seek a pardon for ex-pirate Serena (Janine in the original), along with her sister Olivia (Belladonna). They run afowl of evil pirate empress Xi-Feng (Katsuni) who kidnaps Jules and bewitches her with a magic potion. There are fights with monsters, a giant sea squid, swordplay with skeletons, duels to the death, and other special effects.

I personally found the movie to be mostly boring from start to finish. I know part of this could be that I had already seen the big production values in the first Pirates movie and wasn't "wowed" by them this time around. And with all the ballyhoo about this movie costing ten million dollars, you would think that they could get the sound level right. Any scene that takes place on a ship deck is muted by the sound of wind or too loud music.

My only complaint in the original was that the female actresses weren't very good, but just about all the acting in Stagnetti is good. The only actress that I didn't think could deliver her lines in Stagnetti was Sasha Grey. Since she is playing the title role in Steven Soderbergh's The Girlfriend Experience, this surprised me. Maybe he was able to elicit more of a performance from her than she gives in this movie.

The sex scenes in Stagnetti are edited at a quick pace(I understand that in the extras, you get the scenes in longer format), they are short compared to most sex scenes in modern porn movies. They are more like the length of 70's & 80s porn sex scenes. I have no complaint with this, since I don't have to view scenes that drone on too long before they reach the same outcome....If you don't know what the outcome is...why the hell are you reading this :-) ...go rent the Johnny Depp Pirate movies.

One scene stands out from the rest of the movie and it's a sex scene, the g/g scene with Belladonna and Jesse Jane. These two are supposed to despise each other and their sex scene coveys these emotions with slapping, spitting, hair pulling, choking, and multiple fingers anally inserted. A rough scene, but it really delivers the fact that they hate each other, without using dialog.


I know they are making a Pirates 3.....I wish they wouldn't....I really don't won't to see another one....but know I will watch 3.....with hope that it is better than Pirates #2: Stagnetti's Revenge

Stagnetti's Revenge: directed by: Joone and starring: Jenna Haze, Sasha Grey, Shyla Stylez, Jesse Jane, Shawna Lenee, Brianna Love, Stoya, Gabriella Fox, Belladonna, Katsuni, Veronica Rayne, Marco Banderas, Riley Steele, Charles Dera, Abbey Brooks, Rhylee Richards, Brea Lynn, Tommy Gunn, Evan Stone, James Deen, Manuel Ferrara, Mick Blue, Ben English

Random Thoughts on The 2009 AVN Award Show

Thanks to The Gore-Gore Girl, I was able to catch the 2009 AVN Award Show on Showtime on the first go round. Last year, I missed it and it was months before they replayed it.

Below are just some of my random thoughts, in no certain order, on this year's show. If some other thoughts come to mind, I'll add them later:

Two major names that seemed to be absent from winning any awards: Randy Spears and Stormy. Both very talented individuals in the porn industry.

Winner of Best Male Actor: Evan Stone....Evan is great as long as he is portraying a character who is self absorbed and he can ham it up....but best male actor overall....I don't think so.....However, he seemed so damned grateful to win, that I don't begrudge him his award.

Why do they insist on having a terrible musical number? Do they think that without a bad musical number that they're not having a real awards show?

Larry Flynt on the state of Porn Movies not being put out of business by the internet: "As long as we remain excellent at what we do, we're gonna be around." This translates to me as Porn with a plot......THANKS LARRY...I'M GLAD YOU AGREE WITH ME :-)

I really don't need shots of women making out in the audience....is this for the soft core people watching on Showtime? Also, I don't need Flavor Flav trying to get in a camera shot that has nothing to do with him.

James Deen wins Male performer of the year, but is a no show on stage....I couldn't figure out why until I saw his quote on the AVN page ""I can have sex in front of a room full of people, but I can't get up on stage and say thank you."

Jessica Drake is a classy looking lady..... but her outfit..UGH......she said she was dressed as an angel, as a nod to her role in Fallen. Sorry, it looked more like some type of chicken outfit.

As long as I'm on fashion:

Monique Alexander...looked great in her fuschia and black Barbie Doll party dress.

Belladonna....I'm not sure what the outfit was, it was just bad.

Paul Thomas...decided to go for the slob look

Evan Stone....wild outfit that only Evan could pull off.

Bree Olson....prom dress....didn't she wear something similar last year?

Penny Flame...looked like she decided to dress as Heidi....plus she appeared so drunk/stoned that the host Thea Vidale finally had to calm her down.

In case you want to catch the broadcast, below are some upcoming times:

On Showtime: 04/30/09 at 12:30 AM
On Showtime Showcase: 05/01/09 at 12:00 AM
On Showtime Too: 05/03/09 at 1:30 AM
On Showtime Showcase: 05/07/09 at 3:50 AM

Porn star Marilyn Chambers Has Died at 56

Marilyn Chambers, the Ivory Snow girl who helped bring hard-core adult films into the mainstream consciousness when she starred in the explicit 1972 movie "Behind the Green Door," has died at 56.

Chambers was quick to point out in 2000 that she had done more R-rated films that X-rated ones, but she made no apologies for the latter. "I have to say that the adult films have been a total pleasure," she said. "They were like getting paid to live out my greatest fantasies. The rest of the stuff ... sometimes got to be a real grind."

Marilyn Chambers was one of the earliest "name performers" in porn movies. She is probably best known for the plot driven Behind The Green Door. She asked for and received a $25,000 salary and a percentage of the gross for starring in the movie.

Although Chambers was quick to point out in 2000 that she had done more R-rated films that X-rated ones, she made no apologies for the latter. "I have to say that the adult films have been a total pleasure," she said. "They were like getting paid to live out my greatest fantasies. The rest of the stuff ... sometimes got to be a real grind."

Farewell to a real pioneer who helped porn cross into the mainstream minds of the American public.

AREN'T PARODIES SUPPOSED TO BE FUNNY?

The basic plot of This Ain't The Partridge Family is that Keith has a songwriter's block and he thinks it's caused by his lack of dates. When Danny finds an ad for love perfume in the back of Teen Pop Magazine (the same magazine was featured in Not The Bradys: Marcia, Marcia, Marcia), he decides to order it. At some point in the movie, each member of the family tries out the perfume and of course this sets up a sex scene.

After the opening scene, the movie has only very short plot scenes, just enough to get to the next sex scene. If the sex scenes were removed, you have what would amount to a typical boring Partridge Family plot(Actually, I've seen Partridge Family shows with lots more humor). IF we were given some laughs along the way, this could be forgiven. The one thing that I expect from these parodies is a good dose of humor and This Ain't The Partridge Family just doesn't deliver.

Let's hope that the XXX TV parodies aren't running out of steam. The first of these Will Ryder parodies I saw (and I think the order I saw these in was the order of their release) was Not The Bradys, which was pretty darn good. Next was Not Bewitched, which I thought was excellent. After that one, I saw the Not The Brady sequel Marcia Marcia, Marica, which was just ok, but paled in comparison to the first Not The Bradys. And now, Not the Partridge Family, which was a waste of time. It was so dull that I fast forwarded a lot ....hoping that it would get better somewhere in the movie....NOPE, never happened. I can only guess that it was rushed out too fast in order to capitalize on the demand for XXX sitcom parodies.

Next up in the Will Ryder parodies will be Not Three's Company.....Somebody please help me if Not Three's Company continues the decline. If the next one is worst than this one, it'll probably make me jerk the dvd out of the player and fling it out the door.

Is there anything good I can say about this one....well, there were only a couple of sets of fake breasts.

Shawna Lenee, Kristina Rose, Tori Black, Payton Leigh, Faye Reagan, Dane Cross, Madison Scott, Eric Swiss, Kris Slater, Sarah Jessie, James Bartholet, Sinclair, Nick Manning, Scott Lyons. Directed by Will Ryder of the 2 Not The Bradys and Not Bewitched.

MURDER, SEX & FUN in THE ART MUSEUM

The Da Vinci Load - The movie begins with a man found murdered in front of the Mona Lisa with a message written in ejaculate beside him. Police detectives Haley Paige and Frank Bukkwyd are the investigators. The case leads them to the Priory of Semen, a secret society of women. With the help of Professor Missy Monroe, a penis clairvoyant, they find that there's a much bigger picture than just a dead body and a painting.

Two scenes stand out in The Da Vinci Load: One for being terrible and one for being way above average.

The bad sex scene is with Professor Missy Monroe in her classroom. She is supposedly going to demonstrate the mystic powers of semen; so she has sex with two students to show the different powers of different semen. I say supposedly, because the scene really doesn't deliver on its promise. Plus Missy really has a hard time getting all her lines out, and on top of all of this, the sex scene is just uninspired and sloppily executed.

The good scene is when James Deen is revealed as the killer and is awaiting further instructions. He's told to get an ice cream...WTF....well it turns out there are operatives (three girls in an ice cream truck) that he is to report to. After a little diddling around the in the truck, James Deen and Joey Hart go into a nearby house. Whose house? We don't know, it's just nearby. Hopefully, it belongs to Joey Hart, if not, someone is going to be in for a big surprise when they come home later. I can see why women like James Deen. He appears to be pretty much into the woman, not just performing the sex scene.

It's been a while since I read The Da Vinci Code or saw the movie, but there are familiar references here to the original. However, the last scene in the movie appeared to be more Eyes Wide Shut than Da Vinci Code.

The movie was written with a deft comic hand by Nelson X of AVN and has lots of great lines. Unfortunately, the sound is so echoing, sometimes the actor's lines are a little hard to hear.

Final verdict: If you want a few giggles with your porn, check this one out.

The Da Vinci Load, directed by Jerome Tanner and starring: Charlotte Stokely, Claudio Meloni, Eva Angelina, Evan Stone, Haley Paige, James Deen, Jasmine Tame, Joey Hart, Michelle Maylene, Missy Monroe, Scott Nails, Steve Holmes, Tory Lane.

FLUFF and FOLD or GOING TO THE LAUNDROMAT CAN BE FUN!

Fluff and Fold has been classified as a romantic comedy porno and I have no argument with that classification. Most of the romance is between the two main actors with Randy Spears providing most of the comedic moments.

The plot centers around Christine (Jessica Drake) and Scott (Brad Armstrong, who also directed the movie). Christine has kicked out her cheating boyfriend and meets Scott at the Laundromat. She isn't really ready for another relationship, but Scott eventually wins Christine over and they begin an affair.

Later, when Christine thinks that Scott is cheating on her, she dumps him on the spot, since she doesn't want another cheating boyfriend. The movie has a funny fantasy spot here as Christine imagines dumping Scott's head repeatedly in the washer. After Christine dumps him, Scott spends days in the laundromat waiting for her to show up again. So instead of the typical porno plot of the man just hooking up with the next available female, we actually see some human emotions in the male. I thought this was pretty unique for a porno.

Randy Spears plays the part of the Russian laundromat owner and provides most of the comedy in the movie. Randy is probably the best actor in porno today. He always commits to his character. There are a lot of comedy bits with Randy and some of the other characters, but you'll just have to watch the movie, since they are too numerous to mention.

One more thing that I would like to mention is the g/g scene. The scene is presented as a character is having a "fantasy" about two women he sees in the laundromat. Since g/g scenes in straight porno are enacted for male fantasies in the first place, this makes the scene really work.

The only wasted scene in the movie involves Evan Stone. This scene adds very little to the movie and appears it may have been added just to include Evan and Aria and a squirting scene.


Stars: Jessica Drake, Cherokee, Lezley Zen, Aria, Shay Sights, Dolorian, Tommy Gunn, Evan Stone, Randy Spears, Chris Cannon, Brad Armstrong and directed by Brad Armstrong.

DIRTY MOVIE or What It Would Be Like If Rod Serling Wrote A Porno

This movie appears on the surface to be about a man obsessed with an actress he cannot have; but in the end the plot twist could have come right out of The Twilight Zone.

Evan Stone inherits a house from his late Grandfather and in the basement he finds a projector set up with an old stag film. He becomes obsessed with an actress in the movie (Katie Morgan). He wants to know more about the movie and in his search Evan finds the director's grandson. The grandson tells Evan that the film he found in the house is the last copy and that the movie is cursed and should be destroyed. But Evan can't stop watching the stag film and thinking about Katie Morgan.... and then..........sorry, I can't give away anymore of the plot.

It was odd seeing Evan Stone in a dramatic role, rather than his usual hammy comedy roles. This is the second movie that I have seen recently with Katie Morgan in a g/g scene and both times and she brings a lot of heat to these scenes. There was only one really wasted scene in Dirty Movie and that is when Evan goes to track down the grandson and the movie grinds to a halt with a very dull sex scene that the grandson is shooting and starring in.

Also, I thought the direction of Dirty Movie was a cut above your standard porno. Lots of nice camera angles. A special standout scene is when Evan is dreaming that Katie Morgan is not in the stag movie, but actually with him. Here you get a color sex scene in the foreground, with a different angle of the same scene in black and white on the projection screen in the background. This was an unique shot to me.

Stars: Hillary Scott, Katie Morgan, Samantha Ryan, Sammie Rhodes, Sandra Romain, Evan Stone, Kurt Lockwood, Tommy Gunn. Directed by Barry Wood

PORNO PLOT SO SERIOUS IT'S FUNNY

IMPROPER CONDUCT: When the talented cellist is offered a prime spot in the pit, she leaps at the chance. But can she overlook the leader's controlling ways? As the frustrated conductor waves his baton harder and harder to make his point, can her love break through the block on his heart? Will they ultimately join to make incredible music together?

The acting is way above par for a porno. However, the story is so terrible and so deadly serious, that not too far into the movie, it just became funny to me. I don't think that I have ever seen a porno that tried to take itself this serious. Just think of some serious romantic cable TV movie....now add sex scenes.....now you have IMPROPER CONDUCT.

Stars: Devinn Lane, Asia Carrera, Jessica Drake, Aria, Bridgette Kerkove, Steven St. Croix, Scott Styles, Evan Stone and directed by Brad Armstrong

Jonathan Morgan Let Me Down

ONE SLEEPLESS NIGHT. The Plot: When Kylie can' t sleep, the whole world gets turned on. Its just one of those nights, you know the kind, tossing, turning... maybe something's on the tube. Oh yeah, this looks good. If only they would show some great love scenes the way Kylie likes....thus begin the scenes. Starring Brad Armstrong, Calli Cox, Cherie, Jason McCain, Joel Lawrence, Joelean, Kianna, Kyle Stone, Kylie Ireland, Lee Stone, Pay Myne, Terra Part and directed by Jonathan Morgan.

This is actually just a clip movie. A very minimum of a a plot that just gets to the sex scenes. A little of Jonathan Morgan's humor shows through, IF you listen to the words in the background coming from the TV. But One Sleepless Night is absent of Jonathan Morgan's usual fairly well developed humorous plot lines. Plus the movie has such an abrupt ending, it is startling. It actually looks like the movie was never finished or really edited bad. So, it depends on what you looking for if you want to rent this movie. Plot: bare, sex scenes: lots.

WHAT HAPPENS WHEN PUNK MEETS PORN

ART SCHOOL SLUTS. The Plot: At night, when her eyes are closed, Mia lives out the rush of auto-erotica, the climactic combo of smashed vehicles and petrol scented sex-but during the day she's a disenchanted art student wondering why she even bothers getting a degree. Creeped out by her perv teacher who uses art instruction as a come-on, she day-dreams away, living out her Polaroid fantasies.

Starring:Keiko, Talon, Katja Kassin, James Deen, Felix Vicious and directed by Eon McKai

While I give props to the director for using a different sensibility in making this movie, it's just not for me. One major drawback is the industrial music in the background, some of this music was close to inducing a headache. The sex scenes are just as standard as any regular porn movie and all performers appear very uninspired.

Standout in Art School Sluts is the guy with a Super Rooster Mohawk who ties rope and knots around a girl so quick, there is no doubt, he used to be in the Boy Scouts.

Weirdest scene in the movie: Art School Professor has sex with a student on his desk in front of a bored class, while another student takes Polaroids and posts them on the bulletin board.

THROBIN HOOD - Porn Spoof of Robin Hood

Throbin Hood and his band of Merry Men in tights rebel against the evil Queen and Sheriff Naughty Ham's efforts to collect tax on sex.


Directed by Cash Markman and Starring Alicia Allure, Angelica Sin, Ron Jeremy, Steve Austin, Anna Malle, Nakita Kash, Teri Starr, Alect Metro, Joel Lawrence, Randy Spears

I have noticed that if Cash Markham writes and someone else directs, his storyline often starts to vanish about 3/4 of the way into the movie(a problem a lot of porn movies seem to have). But since Cash Markham wrote and directed this one, you get a good many laughs and a coherent story. I won't give it away, but the archery contest is like nothing you've seen before. A special nod to Ron Jeremy and his great comedic porno acting. Really the only drawback to Throbin Hood is too many fake boobs.