Pirates: Stagnetti's Revenge

Here's the basic plot: The story picks up with pirate hunters Edward (Evan Stone) and Jules (Jesse Jane), who having routed the sadistic Stagnetti seek a pardon for ex-pirate Serena (Janine in the original), along with her sister Olivia (Belladonna). They run afowl of evil pirate empress Xi-Feng (Katsuni) who kidnaps Jules and bewitches her with a magic potion. There are fights with monsters, a giant sea squid, swordplay with skeletons, duels to the death, and other special effects.

I personally found the movie to be mostly boring from start to finish. I know part of this could be that I had already seen the big production values in the first Pirates movie and wasn't "wowed" by them this time around. And with all the ballyhoo about this movie costing ten million dollars, you would think that they could get the sound level right. Any scene that takes place on a ship deck is muted by the sound of wind or too loud music.

My only complaint in the original was that the female actresses weren't very good, but just about all the acting in Stagnetti is good. The only actress that I didn't think could deliver her lines in Stagnetti was Sasha Grey. Since she is playing the title role in Steven Soderbergh's The Girlfriend Experience, this surprised me. Maybe he was able to elicit more of a performance from her than she gives in this movie.

The sex scenes in Stagnetti are edited at a quick pace(I understand that in the extras, you get the scenes in longer format), they are short compared to most sex scenes in modern porn movies. They are more like the length of 70's & 80s porn sex scenes. I have no complaint with this, since I don't have to view scenes that drone on too long before they reach the same outcome....If you don't know what the outcome is...why the hell are you reading this :-) ...go rent the Johnny Depp Pirate movies.

One scene stands out from the rest of the movie and it's a sex scene, the g/g scene with Belladonna and Jesse Jane. These two are supposed to despise each other and their sex scene coveys these emotions with slapping, spitting, hair pulling, choking, and multiple fingers anally inserted. A rough scene, but it really delivers the fact that they hate each other, without using dialog.


I know they are making a Pirates 3.....I wish they wouldn't....I really don't won't to see another one....but know I will watch 3.....with hope that it is better than Pirates #2: Stagnetti's Revenge

Stagnetti's Revenge: directed by: Joone and starring: Jenna Haze, Sasha Grey, Shyla Stylez, Jesse Jane, Shawna Lenee, Brianna Love, Stoya, Gabriella Fox, Belladonna, Katsuni, Veronica Rayne, Marco Banderas, Riley Steele, Charles Dera, Abbey Brooks, Rhylee Richards, Brea Lynn, Tommy Gunn, Evan Stone, James Deen, Manuel Ferrara, Mick Blue, Ben English

Random Thoughts on The 2009 AVN Award Show

Thanks to The Gore-Gore Girl, I was able to catch the 2009 AVN Award Show on Showtime on the first go round. Last year, I missed it and it was months before they replayed it.

Below are just some of my random thoughts, in no certain order, on this year's show. If some other thoughts come to mind, I'll add them later:

Two major names that seemed to be absent from winning any awards: Randy Spears and Stormy. Both very talented individuals in the porn industry.

Winner of Best Male Actor: Evan Stone....Evan is great as long as he is portraying a character who is self absorbed and he can ham it up....but best male actor overall....I don't think so.....However, he seemed so damned grateful to win, that I don't begrudge him his award.

Why do they insist on having a terrible musical number? Do they think that without a bad musical number that they're not having a real awards show?

Larry Flynt on the state of Porn Movies not being put out of business by the internet: "As long as we remain excellent at what we do, we're gonna be around." This translates to me as Porn with a plot......THANKS LARRY...I'M GLAD YOU AGREE WITH ME :-)

I really don't need shots of women making out in the audience....is this for the soft core people watching on Showtime? Also, I don't need Flavor Flav trying to get in a camera shot that has nothing to do with him.

James Deen wins Male performer of the year, but is a no show on stage....I couldn't figure out why until I saw his quote on the AVN page ""I can have sex in front of a room full of people, but I can't get up on stage and say thank you."

Jessica Drake is a classy looking lady..... but her outfit..UGH......she said she was dressed as an angel, as a nod to her role in Fallen. Sorry, it looked more like some type of chicken outfit.

As long as I'm on fashion:

Monique Alexander...looked great in her fuschia and black Barbie Doll party dress.

Belladonna....I'm not sure what the outfit was, it was just bad.

Paul Thomas...decided to go for the slob look

Evan Stone....wild outfit that only Evan could pull off.

Bree Olson....prom dress....didn't she wear something similar last year?

Penny Flame...looked like she decided to dress as Heidi....plus she appeared so drunk/stoned that the host Thea Vidale finally had to calm her down.

In case you want to catch the broadcast, below are some upcoming times:

On Showtime: 04/30/09 at 12:30 AM
On Showtime Showcase: 05/01/09 at 12:00 AM
On Showtime Too: 05/03/09 at 1:30 AM
On Showtime Showcase: 05/07/09 at 3:50 AM

Porn star Marilyn Chambers Has Died at 56

Marilyn Chambers, the Ivory Snow girl who helped bring hard-core adult films into the mainstream consciousness when she starred in the explicit 1972 movie "Behind the Green Door," has died at 56.

Chambers was quick to point out in 2000 that she had done more R-rated films that X-rated ones, but she made no apologies for the latter. "I have to say that the adult films have been a total pleasure," she said. "They were like getting paid to live out my greatest fantasies. The rest of the stuff ... sometimes got to be a real grind."

Marilyn Chambers was one of the earliest "name performers" in porn movies. She is probably best known for the plot driven Behind The Green Door. She asked for and received a $25,000 salary and a percentage of the gross for starring in the movie.

Although Chambers was quick to point out in 2000 that she had done more R-rated films that X-rated ones, she made no apologies for the latter. "I have to say that the adult films have been a total pleasure," she said. "They were like getting paid to live out my greatest fantasies. The rest of the stuff ... sometimes got to be a real grind."

Farewell to a real pioneer who helped porn cross into the mainstream minds of the American public.

AREN'T PARODIES SUPPOSED TO BE FUNNY?

The basic plot of This Ain't The Partridge Family is that Keith has a songwriter's block and he thinks it's caused by his lack of dates. When Danny finds an ad for love perfume in the back of Teen Pop Magazine (the same magazine was featured in Not The Bradys: Marcia, Marcia, Marcia), he decides to order it. At some point in the movie, each member of the family tries out the perfume and of course this sets up a sex scene.

After the opening scene, the movie has only very short plot scenes, just enough to get to the next sex scene. If the sex scenes were removed, you have what would amount to a typical boring Partridge Family plot(Actually, I've seen Partridge Family shows with lots more humor). IF we were given some laughs along the way, this could be forgiven. The one thing that I expect from these parodies is a good dose of humor and This Ain't The Partridge Family just doesn't deliver.

Let's hope that the XXX TV parodies aren't running out of steam. The first of these Will Ryder parodies I saw (and I think the order I saw these in was the order of their release) was Not The Bradys, which was pretty darn good. Next was Not Bewitched, which I thought was excellent. After that one, I saw the Not The Brady sequel Marcia Marcia, Marica, which was just ok, but paled in comparison to the first Not The Bradys. And now, Not the Partridge Family, which was a waste of time. It was so dull that I fast forwarded a lot ....hoping that it would get better somewhere in the movie....NOPE, never happened. I can only guess that it was rushed out too fast in order to capitalize on the demand for XXX sitcom parodies.

Next up in the Will Ryder parodies will be Not Three's Company.....Somebody please help me if Not Three's Company continues the decline. If the next one is worst than this one, it'll probably make me jerk the dvd out of the player and fling it out the door.

Is there anything good I can say about this one....well, there were only a couple of sets of fake breasts.

Shawna Lenee, Kristina Rose, Tori Black, Payton Leigh, Faye Reagan, Dane Cross, Madison Scott, Eric Swiss, Kris Slater, Sarah Jessie, James Bartholet, Sinclair, Nick Manning, Scott Lyons. Directed by Will Ryder of the 2 Not The Bradys and Not Bewitched.

MURDER, SEX & FUN in THE ART MUSEUM

The Da Vinci Load - The movie begins with a man found murdered in front of the Mona Lisa with a message written in ejaculate beside him. Police detectives Haley Paige and Frank Bukkwyd are the investigators. The case leads them to the Priory of Semen, a secret society of women. With the help of Professor Missy Monroe, a penis clairvoyant, they find that there's a much bigger picture than just a dead body and a painting.

Two scenes stand out in The Da Vinci Load: One for being terrible and one for being way above average.

The bad sex scene is with Professor Missy Monroe in her classroom. She is supposedly going to demonstrate the mystic powers of semen; so she has sex with two students to show the different powers of different semen. I say supposedly, because the scene really doesn't deliver on its promise. Plus Missy really has a hard time getting all her lines out, and on top of all of this, the sex scene is just uninspired and sloppily executed.

The good scene is when James Deen is revealed as the killer and is awaiting further instructions. He's told to get an ice cream...WTF....well it turns out there are operatives (three girls in an ice cream truck) that he is to report to. After a little diddling around the in the truck, James Deen and Joey Hart go into a nearby house. Whose house? We don't know, it's just nearby. Hopefully, it belongs to Joey Hart, if not, someone is going to be in for a big surprise when they come home later. I can see why women like James Deen. He appears to be pretty much into the woman, not just performing the sex scene.

It's been a while since I read The Da Vinci Code or saw the movie, but there are familiar references here to the original. However, the last scene in the movie appeared to be more Eyes Wide Shut than Da Vinci Code.

The movie was written with a deft comic hand by Nelson X of AVN and has lots of great lines. Unfortunately, the sound is so echoing, sometimes the actor's lines are a little hard to hear.

Final verdict: If you want a few giggles with your porn, check this one out.

The Da Vinci Load, directed by Jerome Tanner and starring: Charlotte Stokely, Claudio Meloni, Eva Angelina, Evan Stone, Haley Paige, James Deen, Jasmine Tame, Joey Hart, Michelle Maylene, Missy Monroe, Scott Nails, Steve Holmes, Tory Lane.

FLUFF and FOLD or GOING TO THE LAUNDROMAT CAN BE FUN!

Fluff and Fold has been classified as a romantic comedy porno and I have no argument with that classification. Most of the romance is between the two main actors with Randy Spears providing most of the comedic moments.

The plot centers around Christine (Jessica Drake) and Scott (Brad Armstrong, who also directed the movie). Christine has kicked out her cheating boyfriend and meets Scott at the Laundromat. She isn't really ready for another relationship, but Scott eventually wins Christine over and they begin an affair.

Later, when Christine thinks that Scott is cheating on her, she dumps him on the spot, since she doesn't want another cheating boyfriend. The movie has a funny fantasy spot here as Christine imagines dumping Scott's head repeatedly in the washer. After Christine dumps him, Scott spends days in the laundromat waiting for her to show up again. So instead of the typical porno plot of the man just hooking up with the next available female, we actually see some human emotions in the male. I thought this was pretty unique for a porno.

Randy Spears plays the part of the Russian laundromat owner and provides most of the comedy in the movie. Randy is probably the best actor in porno today. He always commits to his character. There are a lot of comedy bits with Randy and some of the other characters, but you'll just have to watch the movie, since they are too numerous to mention.

One more thing that I would like to mention is the g/g scene. The scene is presented as a character is having a "fantasy" about two women he sees in the laundromat. Since g/g scenes in straight porno are enacted for male fantasies in the first place, this makes the scene really work.

The only wasted scene in the movie involves Evan Stone. This scene adds very little to the movie and appears it may have been added just to include Evan and Aria and a squirting scene.


Stars: Jessica Drake, Cherokee, Lezley Zen, Aria, Shay Sights, Dolorian, Tommy Gunn, Evan Stone, Randy Spears, Chris Cannon, Brad Armstrong and directed by Brad Armstrong.

DIRTY MOVIE or What It Would Be Like If Rod Serling Wrote A Porno

This movie appears on the surface to be about a man obsessed with an actress he cannot have; but in the end the plot twist could have come right out of The Twilight Zone.

Evan Stone inherits a house from his late Grandfather and in the basement he finds a projector set up with an old stag film. He becomes obsessed with an actress in the movie (Katie Morgan). He wants to know more about the movie and in his search Evan finds the director's grandson. The grandson tells Evan that the film he found in the house is the last copy and that the movie is cursed and should be destroyed. But Evan can't stop watching the stag film and thinking about Katie Morgan.... and then..........sorry, I can't give away anymore of the plot.

It was odd seeing Evan Stone in a dramatic role, rather than his usual hammy comedy roles. This is the second movie that I have seen recently with Katie Morgan in a g/g scene and both times and she brings a lot of heat to these scenes. There was only one really wasted scene in Dirty Movie and that is when Evan goes to track down the grandson and the movie grinds to a halt with a very dull sex scene that the grandson is shooting and starring in.

Also, I thought the direction of Dirty Movie was a cut above your standard porno. Lots of nice camera angles. A special standout scene is when Evan is dreaming that Katie Morgan is not in the stag movie, but actually with him. Here you get a color sex scene in the foreground, with a different angle of the same scene in black and white on the projection screen in the background. This was an unique shot to me.

Stars: Hillary Scott, Katie Morgan, Samantha Ryan, Sammie Rhodes, Sandra Romain, Evan Stone, Kurt Lockwood, Tommy Gunn. Directed by Barry Wood

PORNO PLOT SO SERIOUS IT'S FUNNY

IMPROPER CONDUCT: When the talented cellist is offered a prime spot in the pit, she leaps at the chance. But can she overlook the leader's controlling ways? As the frustrated conductor waves his baton harder and harder to make his point, can her love break through the block on his heart? Will they ultimately join to make incredible music together?

The acting is way above par for a porno. However, the story is so terrible and so deadly serious, that not too far into the movie, it just became funny to me. I don't think that I have ever seen a porno that tried to take itself this serious. Just think of some serious romantic cable TV movie....now add sex scenes.....now you have IMPROPER CONDUCT.

Stars: Devinn Lane, Asia Carrera, Jessica Drake, Aria, Bridgette Kerkove, Steven St. Croix, Scott Styles, Evan Stone and directed by Brad Armstrong

Jonathan Morgan Let Me Down

ONE SLEEPLESS NIGHT. The Plot: When Kylie can' t sleep, the whole world gets turned on. Its just one of those nights, you know the kind, tossing, turning... maybe something's on the tube. Oh yeah, this looks good. If only they would show some great love scenes the way Kylie likes....thus begin the scenes. Starring Brad Armstrong, Calli Cox, Cherie, Jason McCain, Joel Lawrence, Joelean, Kianna, Kyle Stone, Kylie Ireland, Lee Stone, Pay Myne, Terra Part and directed by Jonathan Morgan.

This is actually just a clip movie. A very minimum of a a plot that just gets to the sex scenes. A little of Jonathan Morgan's humor shows through, IF you listen to the words in the background coming from the TV. But One Sleepless Night is absent of Jonathan Morgan's usual fairly well developed humorous plot lines. Plus the movie has such an abrupt ending, it is startling. It actually looks like the movie was never finished or really edited bad. So, it depends on what you looking for if you want to rent this movie. Plot: bare, sex scenes: lots.

WHAT HAPPENS WHEN PUNK MEETS PORN

ART SCHOOL SLUTS. The Plot: At night, when her eyes are closed, Mia lives out the rush of auto-erotica, the climactic combo of smashed vehicles and petrol scented sex-but during the day she's a disenchanted art student wondering why she even bothers getting a degree. Creeped out by her perv teacher who uses art instruction as a come-on, she day-dreams away, living out her Polaroid fantasies.

Starring:Keiko, Talon, Katja Kassin, James Deen, Felix Vicious and directed by Eon McKai

While I give props to the director for using a different sensibility in making this movie, it's just not for me. One major drawback is the industrial music in the background, some of this music was close to inducing a headache. The sex scenes are just as standard as any regular porn movie and all performers appear very uninspired.

Standout in Art School Sluts is the guy with a Super Rooster Mohawk who ties rope and knots around a girl so quick, there is no doubt, he used to be in the Boy Scouts.

Weirdest scene in the movie: Art School Professor has sex with a student on his desk in front of a bored class, while another student takes Polaroids and posts them on the bulletin board.

THROBIN HOOD - Porn Spoof of Robin Hood

Throbin Hood and his band of Merry Men in tights rebel against the evil Queen and Sheriff Naughty Ham's efforts to collect tax on sex.


Directed by Cash Markman and Starring Alicia Allure, Angelica Sin, Ron Jeremy, Steve Austin, Anna Malle, Nakita Kash, Teri Starr, Alect Metro, Joel Lawrence, Randy Spears

I have noticed that if Cash Markham writes and someone else directs, his storyline often starts to vanish about 3/4 of the way into the movie(a problem a lot of porn movies seem to have). But since Cash Markham wrote and directed this one, you get a good many laughs and a coherent story. I won't give it away, but the archery contest is like nothing you've seen before. A special nod to Ron Jeremy and his great comedic porno acting. Really the only drawback to Throbin Hood is too many fake boobs.

Double Dose of Get Smart Porn Spoofs

Hustler has released 2 different porn spoofs of Get Smart, one is extremely good, the other is extremely bad.

First the good spoof: Get Luckier, directed and written by Cash Markman and starring Dick Smothers, Jr., Katie Morgan, Lee Stone, Shy Love, Cindy Crawford, Tommy Gunn, Bree, Tony Tedeschi.

Dick Smothers, Jr. plays Agent 86 1/2 and does a fine acting job as Maxwell Sharp. Katie Morgan plays Agent 36-26-36, who is actually an undercover agent for S.C.U.M, and as always she does a great job. The plot and the humor pretty much follow what Get Smart would have been like if it was a porn movie. I will give most of the credit to Cash Markham who knows how to write and direct a comedic porn. This is one of the better spoofs of sitcoms that I have seen, funny throughout and with a complete plot. And in my opinion,even with her boob job, Katie Morgan is still the cutest thing in porn. A special nod to Dick Smothers, Jr.(who looks more like Steve Carell playing Don Adams), his acting is top notch throughout the whole movie.

Next the bad spoof: Get Smartass directed by Stuart Canterbury and starring Britney Amber, Dino Bravo, Eden Adams, Envi, Eric Swiss, Kayla Paige, Rod Fontana, Tony de Sergio, Veronica Jett, Veronica Rayne.

With the world threatened by the evil organization known as P.E.N.I.S., Maxwell Smartass and Agent 69 are ready to save the day. This is probably the worst porn sitcom spoof that I have ever seen. The plot is skimpy and the attempts at humor never jell. The funniest part of the movie is the g/g scene in which the two females spend 6-8 minutes striking poses for the camera. So ludicrous, I was laughing out loud. I am going to give you the only funny line in the movie to save anyone from a wasted rental/purchase. Maxwell misses his insertion and states "Missed It By That Much". Avoid this one, if at all possible.

GREAT STAR TREK SPOOF

XXX TREK: THE FINAL ORGASM, Director Cash Markman , Starring Angelica Sin, Farrah, Obsession, Candy Apples, Steve Austin, Capt. Bob, Ron Bogel, Rich Handsome, Mike Horner, Rex Mundi, Harry Palms, Danielle Rogers, Randy Spears

While this movie is not up there with the best of the spoof pornos, it's still a lot of fun. Cheesy Sets just like on Star Trek, Cheesy Acting just like on Star Trek and an added bonus Cheesy Jokes. A young looking Randy Spears and Bob Horner were cast perfectly. So if you like a little laughing with your porno, this one's for you. If you don't have much of a sense of humor, best to pass this one on by.

A Twist On An Old Theme

Jerry was just another struggling actor in Hollywood until he got his big break as a porn star. Reluctantly at first, Jerry takes on his new role as a hired stud to make money for his upcoming wedding. He never tells his fiancee where the cash is coming from. Yet as his popularity quickly swells, so does his head, and mild-mannered Jerry soon assumes the abrasive and abusive persona of his porno alter-ego, Buddy Brando. But what goes up must come down, and Buddy's tarnished star is no exception!

Starring Kylie Ireland, Joel Lawrence, Jessica Jewel, Syren, Keisha, Midori, Donita Dunes, Anita Cannibal, Violet Love, Herschel Savage, Kyle Stone, Steve Hatcher, Tyce Bune, Michael J. Cox


Instead of going with the old theme of a young starlet falling into the world of porno, Raw twists that theme and has a male inadvertently falling into the world of porn and the consequences he suffers.

XXX SPOOF of CLASSIC 1960'S SITCOM

Darren and Samantha have a big problem when Aunt Clara can't undo a spell that turns little Tabitha into an eighteen-year-old cutie! All hell breaks loose when nosy neighbors, the boss, and the police arrive. Hilarious XXX spoof of the 1960s classic TV show! Starring Nina Hartley, Mike Horner, Jenna Haze, Auroa Snow, Sasha Grey, Eva Angelina, Tegan Presley, Sunny Lane, Madison Ivy, Kelly Skyline, Ron Jeremy, Daisy Lane

This was a great parody porn. Much better than either of the Not the Bradys. Lots of humor, great story line. The laugh track during the plot of the movie was an added bonus(no laugh track during the sex scenes). Nina Hartley has no sex scene, but does a great job of playing Samantha's mother, but then everyone did a great job in this movie. Highly recommended to anyone who likes a little humor with their porn.

I think the clue to these porn sitcom parodies is that if you watched the original show, you'll enjoy the porn parody more than if it is a show you didn't watch. However, I think that the writer had much more of a comedy to work with on Not Bewitched, than the writers did on Not The Bradys.

A DOUBLE DOSE of NOT THE BRADYS

Not The Bradys XXX starring Aurora Snow, Hillary Scott, Alana Evans, Jasmine Byrne, Leah Luv, Lynn Lemay, Mikey Butders, Paulina James, Veronique Vega, Benjamin Brat, Tee Reel, Lu Bricate, James Deen, Ron Jeremy, Mike Horner, Kurt Lockwood

Not The Bradys XXX Marcia Marcia Marcia starring Aurora Snow, Teagan, Ron Jeremy, Alana Evans, Gina Lynn, Alexis Love, Lynn Lemay, Sienna West, Emma Heart, Kacey Jordan, Maya Gates, Evan Stone

Not The Bradys XXX - Faced with financial difficulties at home due to slow business at his architectural firm, Mike and his wife Carol reluctantly tell the kids that the entire household will be on a budget for the next few months until business picks back up and the cash crisis ends. The kids get together and decide to help out by taking on odd jobs, holding car washes and pitching in wherever they can to help save the family house from bank foreclosure.

Not The Bradys XXX: Marcia Marcia Marcia - Marcia desires to meet the latest teen heartthrob Danny Jones. The plan is to get on his TV show even if this will conflict with the parents plan to vacation in New Jersey. The rest of her siblings pitch in to form a singing group, and wind up having sex with everyone from the talent exec to the delivery boy.

Both of these movies are well done and have a coherent plot. The acting is good in both, plus in Marcia Marcia Marcia the "Brady Kids" do get on the Danny Jones Show and they perform a very good sounding "Brady type song." I enjoyed Not The Bradys more than Not The Bradys: Marcia Marcia Marcia. That could be due to a weaker plot, or just the fact the novelty effect of watching a XXX sitcom had worn off by the time I watched Marcia Marcia Marcia. The absolutely best thing about both movies is the set decoration and costumes. Garish 70s colors and groovy 70s clothes.

XXX Spoof of Natural Born Killers

Natural Born Thrillers: Two sex maniacs captivate the media as they cross the country in a blazing trail of lust. Stars: Amber Woods, Barbara Doll, Kyle Stone, Melissa Hill, Mike Horner, Rebecca Wild, Sindee Coxx, Tess, Tess Newheart, Tom Byron

Spoof of Natural Born Killers, except in this one, they roam the country having anonymous sex....at least that is what we are told, since we only see one scene that would support this. With the exception of one scene with the "Wayne" character (here played by a woman) interviewing "normal" admirers of the Natural Born Thrillers, the rest of the scenes take place at the prison. The director used black and white and color changes to ape Natural Born Killers, which tended to get a bit old after a time; however, he did have a couple of other interesting camera shots. The best thing about the whole movie was Mike Horner in the lead as the "Mickey" character, even with the fake bald cap, he stayed in character and did a great job with his acting. He actually elevates the movie up a notch. Be prepared, the movie comes to an abrupt ending, as if, money or time had run out; OR maybe just no one could figure out an ending. So while the plot is an interesting take on the original, someone could have done a much better job on this movie with just a little more thought.

3 Women Can Turn A Gay Man Straight

The Plot: Ever wonder what the girls really do at the salon? They gossip, of course! Watch as these girls share naughty stories and steamy tales of their carnal adventures! Stars:Alexis Malone, Carmen Hart, Jada Fire, Jenner, Katie Morgan, Kris Knight, Manuel Ferrara, Mark Wood, Mr. Pete, Rebecca Love, Roxy Jezel, Sativa Rose, Tory Lane, Van Damage and directed by Stormy

Stormy's movies are usually a cut above this one. As far the story, it was brief at best. The plot was just a hair above being non-existent(sorry couldn't resist that pun). Stormy usually has a little more substance to her movies than she had in this one. The funniest part of Gossip was unintentional: the girl with two guys was so over the top in her porn acting, that it had me laughing out loud. Thankfully the Roxy Jezel scene, the Katie Morgan g/g scene and the last scene with the three women attacking the gay guy working at the hair salon were all pretty good. I guess it's a female fantasy that women can turn a gay man straight(and maybe that theme attracted Stormy as a female director), the same way men have a fantasy that they can turn a lesbian straight. At least, according to this movie, it does take THREE WOMEN to accomplish this task. Best acting goes to the actor who portrayed the gay character without being way over the top and to Katie Morgan who played a rich bitch.

Porn Gets Close To Mainstream

PIRATES directed by JOONE. Starring: Jesse Jane, Carmen Luvana, Tegan Presley, Evan Stone, Tommy Gunn, Steven St. Croix, Kris Slater, Devon, Austyn Moore, Janine.

THE PLOT: In 1763, the Caribbean is awash in pirates. The worst is Stagnetti, backed by his bloodthirsty first mate, Serena. He wants the Scepter of Inca, which gives its owner great powers. To remove it from remote Calaveras Island, he needs the Dagger of Ataljuapa as well as the aid of a descendant of the family to whom the Scepter was entrusted. So, he kidnaps Manuel Valenzuela, honeymooning with the lovely Isabella. On Stagnetti's trail are pirate hunters, Captain Edward Reynolds and Jules, his commander. Edward's a bit clueless, but he does rescue Isabella. Once Stagnetti has the Dagger, the stage is set for the clash of good and evil.

Pirates is a good case for porn with a plot. One of the best sellers of the last few years, this illustrates the point that porn with a plot is of interest to a great many people. Probably the biggest surprise is that the movie had some special effects that are pretty darn good.

Pirates is not really a spoof of Pirates of the Caribbean, but actually another take on the same type of movie. As an interesting side note, some scenes were shot on a real life sailing ship, a St. Petersburg, Florida-based replica of the HMS Bounty. The owners of the ship were not aware of the true nature of the film as they were advised that the film being made was a "Disney-type" pirate film for families.

The first 80 minutes of Pirates has the story upfront and you get the feeling that the sex scenes are put in as obligatory to the fact that this is a porn movie. In the last part of the movie, the story starts to slip away and more sex scenes are inserted. I had the feeling that a certain number of scenes had to be included and now the director had to rush to get them all in. However, the plot remains coherent and continues to the end, which sets up for a sequel.

Pirates has great over the top hammy comic acting from Evan Stone. Tommy Gunn, who can act, (but always seems like he'd rather not in previous movies I have seen him in), does a great job; as does the great Steven St. Croix. Unfortunately on the female side, only Janine shows any acting chops and the rest of the female cast appears most of the time to be reciting their memorized lines.

So, if you're looking for a porn movie with lots of plot, action, comedy, and special effects, then check this one out. I don't think you'll be disappointed.